Just A Little Inappropriate...

Just A Little Inappropriate:

Conversation with my 50ish year old Caucasian male patient:

Patient: what ethnicity are you?
Me: I'm Chinese.
Patient: I thought you were Filipino.
Me: Really?? I look Filipino?
Patient: Well, I don't know, I can't tell. I was just wondering because I'm thinking about going to the Philippines and getting me a 20 year old wife. But I want a real pretty one, so I'm trying to figure out if I should go to China, Korea, Vietnam, Taiwan, or whatever. *looks me up and down* You guys all look good to me.
Me: O_O  eh...good luck with that.

Bad Day:
 I had the worse morning today!

I always have my phone with in the mornings when I wake up. I like to play games on it and listen to Pandora. Ok...so I'm super messy and I have bundles of clothes on my bathroom counter, so I made the mistake of setting my phone on top of my piles of clothes and it slips right into my toilet!! Now it's water damaged and who knows if it's still functioning properly!!

I had to go attend a meeting this morning in which the speaker brought us coffee. I opened the container and it was too full so it spilled all over the table, then the floor and all over the front of my WHITE COAT. When it dried it really looked like yellow water marks like I pee'd on myself!!

It was sorta like this picture but WAY BIGGER STAIN 

Halfway through the morning, I got a really bad stomach ache. I just wanted to curl up in my coffee stained white coat and die.

East Coast: 

I received a text yesterday from one of my friends. It was a text that she had forwarded from someone on the East Coast. The text said "My house is flooded and I'm waiting for someone to come help rescue us! I'm praying for someone to come save me and my family. Don't call me because I'm trying to save battery on my cell phone! I really hope we pull through! Please pray for us!"

I was a little confused as to why my friend forwarded me this text. My first guess was that she wanted me to pray for her friend. Then I realized that also doesn't make sense because I'm not religious and I wouldn't pray. So I texted my friend back and said "I'm sorry to hear about your friend. My thoughts go out to her and her family. Hope they are safe!"

Then my friend texted back and told me the text was from a mutual friend of ours. Someone we BOTH know! I was shocked to find out who it was! At that point, I cared a whole LOT more! Funny how you can be so apathetic when you receive news about people you don't know. And when you find out it involves someone you do know, how different you can react and how much more it can affect you.

Again, my thoughts (which are synonymous to my prayers) are with those who have fallen victim to Hurricane Sandy.

A Simple Life:

I just finished crying my eyeballs out by watching "A Simple Life". Makes me feel really bad about how I get so impatient with my elderly patients. I feel bad I don't spend more time with my grandma's either. And then there are my aging relatives I don't spend enough time with. Come to think of it, I don't really spend that much time with my parents either. I'm such a horrible person.

My Guilty Pleasure

My Guilty Pleasures:

Just when I thought Trader Joe's couldn't get any better, I'm proven wrong!

PUMPKIN FLAVORED MACAROONS!!! That's NEW!!! And probably only here for a limited time for the fall season too!!! Get them while they are still there!!

PRETZEL SLIMS!! Always a classic love of mine :) 

Looks like Kurtis wants some of the macaroons too! He's got his cute little paw over them!! 

Flaky friends:

My friend totally flaked on me today! He was suppose to drive up from SD and hang out with me today but called me SUPER last minuet at like 2:30pm TODAY and told me that he decided to bail on coming up here today. How lame! Who flakes out THIS last minuet?? Grrr...

I should get him this card.........

Hello Journal

Hello Journal,

I'm writing this morning from a remote office away from where I normally give exams. I'm sent here every Wednesday and Friday mornings because it is a more convenient location for patients to get to, so therefore, here I am. This small little office is really more like a glorified closet, but I like it. It's very cozy and it's something that I can claim as my own. Back at the clinic, there are so many patients, interns, co-residents, attendings, techs, etc, etc, and everyone shares the same space. It's hard to find somewhere quiet to gather your thoughts. But here, I have my own space, my own little closet of a clinic.

Patients are scheduled every half hour, and I have my own schedule, so I'm the only doctor here that sees them. It can get hectic if everyone shows up, but more often than not, there are no shows. (thank goodness!). These no shows give me more time to chart and finish up with other patients that might have more problems that needs more time to deal with. No shows are definitely a treat! But sometimes they can be a blessing in disguise when I sit there for half an hour thinking someone isn't going to show up, and then they are late and two people show up at the same time and now I'm super backed up. That happens quite often here too, unfortunately.

It seems like it's been so long since I've written anything that has a happy undertone to it. I feel like my recent entries almost make me sound like all I do is roll around on the floor and cry all day. I just wanted to clarify that is not what I do ALL DAY LONG....just in the evenings when I come home from work. Haha, jk...sorta...haha, jk!

Ok, enough jokes. I wanted to share a few funny stories/convos I've had lately. I feel like I've been in such a rush lately, I don't even know why because I don't need to go anywhere, so I have no destination that I'm aiming for, but I just want to get there FAST apparently. So I've been impatiently cutting people off when they talk and not waiting for people to finish before I walk away...but I digress...here are some "interesting" updates/convos/stories:

**********
(this patient is around 90 years old and hard of hearing)
Patient: Oh my gosh, something is missing!
Me: WHAT IS MISSING?
Patient: You don't have a wedding ring! Did you know that?
Me: I'M AWARE OF THAT BUT THANKS FOR POINTING THAT OUT.
Patient: Well, it's missing! How can a pretty girl like you not find a husband?
Me: Apparently, it's pretty easy, effortless...
Patient: Huh? What did you say?
Me: I SAID WE ARE GOING TO START THE EXAM NOW. -_-
************

Me: Ok, look right here.
Patient: *No reaction*
Me: look HERE.
Patient: Oh...with my eyes?
Me: ......yes? o_O
Patient: Oh, ok.
Me: You are still not looking here!
Patient: I can see it off to the side though!
Me: I want you to look here WITH your eyes and DIRECTLY at it! Not with your side vision!
Patient: OHHhh...ok, you should have been more specific!
Me: -_-

*************

Patient: I'VE BEEN WAITING TWO HOURS! WHY HAVE I NOT BEEN SEEN?
Me: Ok, I'm sorry, what's your name?
Patient: *********
Me: You aren't on the list.
Patient: YES I AM! I have an appointment today TWO HOURS AGO!
Me: *looks into chart* You HAD an appointment YESTERDAY TWO HOURS AGO.
Patient: Oh...really? haha, my bad.
Me: -_-

************

Me: *opens patient's chart*
BIG FLASHING WARNING IN CHART:
"PATIENT IS DANGEROUS! ATTACKED VA WORKER TWO YEARS AGO. MUST EXAMINE PATIENT WITH A POLICE OFFICER NEARBY!"
Me: Hmmmmm.......ok...great......
(I survived the exam without a police officer monitoring the patient, I didn't get attacked, but I was very scarred the whole time)

************
(This patient is legally blind)
Patient: You are very pretty!
Me: -_-

************

Patient: How old are you?
Me: 26
Patient: Just as a warning, the next four years are going to fly by and then you'll be old.
Me: um.....thanks for the warning? -_-

************

Oh my! Time sure flies when you waste it updating an online journal no one reads! I have to get going now! Must make it to Sepulveda VA (where Grey's Anatomy is filmed!) for seminar today! More "funny" convos/stories to come later!

"Something's Missing"

Something's Missing: 

I'm sure my patient had the best of intentions but I really just interpret it that way...

Patient: Oh no! Something's missing?
Me: What's missing?
Patient: Look! *points at my ring finger* You are missing a wedding ring! How can such a pretty girl not be married?
Me: he..he..he...
Patient: You really should be married, it's really missing...
Me: yeah......I know it's missing.....


Thanks for painfully  pointing that one out cause I wasn't aware of it before. I'm rolling my eyes like Mylie Cyrus here...

Pretzel M&M's: 

These sounded really good when they first advertised for it and I finally got a chance to try them. I really don't think they are that great. I think the peanut ones are way better. I just don't taste any of the pretzel and the milk chocolate just doesn't compliment the tasteless pretzel either. I prefer my Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate covered Pretzel Slims WAY more! Those things are toooooooo delicious!! I can never stop eating them! I think the most I've ever gotten was like 5 bags at once. I know...excessive. But that's how I roll with food...go big or go home. I should probably change that attitude, seeing how diabetes runs in my family and I have borderline high cholesterol. 

ICE CREAM MACAROONS:

Feast your eyes on THIS!!! 

I know you probably don't care, but that's just because you haven't tasted this bad boy yet! So you know how delicious macaroons are? And of course ice cream is so yummy! This is a dessert with BOTH!! I only knew of ONE place with ice cream macaroons in SF and I only got to have it ONCE! I'm so glad I found it here in LA! And it's actually really close to me too!! How can you not smile looking at this beautiful picture?? 

Should I go or should I stay?:

Should I pack up all my stuff and move to another state? That seems so scary and so exciting at the same time. I've had a lot of friends do it and they are doing ok. I don't know if I'm just as strong and independent as they are, but how would I find out if I never try? 

Ok, I need to stop psyching myself out. I should just do it. What's the worse that can happen to me? 

It's time to change my scenery around and start something new. Ok, goal is to book plane tickets today :)

Small World

Small World

People always say this world is SO big. And I don't need people to tell me it's big, I know it's big. You can just look at a map or a globe. It takes so long to just get from one end of the US to the other, let alone, one side of the world to the other. But isn't it interesting that no matter how big the world really is, there are times when you just feel like the world is SOO small.

How is it that people you've completely lost touch with suddenly find you again? What force of nature is that? Fate? Destiny? Or is it just a statistics game? If you know enough people, by the natural entropy of this world, you are bound to run into someone random that you've met years and years ago? Does it mean anything that out of the 6 billion people in the world, you have run into them again?

I tend to look too much into these random encounters with people, but I can't help to just wonder...what does this mean? How come they are re-appearing in my life? Is there a greater being that is drawing us together? And if there is, why are we drawn together again?

I am a firm believer in fate and destiny. It's not because I've watched too many chick flicks, it' because I'd like to believe that the world is not complete random. I want to believe that there is some order to things and how the world works. It puts me more at ease to know that there might be some external force that controls a tiny component of everyone's lives. I'm not saying that I don't believe in free will, but I think there are certain events that are meant to happen sometimes. There are certain people you are meant to meet. And when all the dust settles, certain significant markers in your life that are meant to take place. When I adopt this philosophy, it makes me not worry as much about my life and things that are going/meant to happen. Because I know, I don't have to rush it or worry about it, it'll just happen with time.

If something is meant to happen, it will. If two people are meant to see each other again, it will. If they are meant to be together, it will. All in due time.

I'd like to believe things are just that easy. "Hey, no worries" because everything is already pre-determined. You just sit back and relax, and enjoy the ride of life.

But I'm starting to think that more so then not, life doesn't work like that. I'm starting to worry about life more, starting to doubt my philosophy, starting to doubt fate/destiny. It hasn't been on my side as of recent. Hope things turn around soon.


Phone call

You know sometimes you get that phone call from that person that you have been dying to talk to but then when your phone actually rings and you see that name light up on your phone, it just scares the living day lights out of you? That happened to me yesterday.

I guess I've been waiting and pretty much dying to talk to this person. And when it finally happens, I pick up the phone and I am too afraid to speak my mind or tell them the truth. I was too afraid I'd be judged and felt so silly. I really wanted to just poor out my feelings and all my emotions but I knew it wasn't appropriate. There was so much I wanted to convey...so many pent up emotions...but all was lost in my hesitations. I really didn't what to say half the time.

The whole conversation felt so heavy. Like when you eat a deep fried Twinkie, and all the sugar and oil just sinks into your stomach, like an anchor. An anchor that drags all your happiness down, burying your happy feelings forever and releasing all your sorrow.

It was the confirmation that I needed. The final chapter. The book is closed and that's that. The story is over. Period.

**New post, just added...

Epiphany

Yes, I just had an epiphany as I was driving to work this morning. After a week of moping and throwing a pity party for myself, I feel like someone's finally sent me some help. I'm always waiting for a sign, waiting for something to happen, but I'm too dumb to even recognize it when a sign does show up. It's almost like that joke with that boat and that guy...ok, here's how it goes:

A boat went down in the middle of the ocean and a guy is drift around in the middle of the sea, floating on some broken off piece of the boat. He floats there waiting. A boat comes by and asks him "Hey, are you ok? We are here to rescue you, hop on the boat!" and the guy in the water says "no thanks, I'm waiting for God to rescue me". And the boat leaves. In a little bit, another boat passes by and asks the man, "Hey, are you ok? You can come onto our boat" and the man in the water says "No thanks, I'm waiting for God to rescue me." And this happens ONE more time and eventually, the man in the water drowns. The man dies and goes to heaven. In heaven, the man meets up with God and asks him "Hey God, why did you not rescue me and let me drown?" and God replies: "I did, I sent you THREE boats to rescue you!"

So anywayz, the moral of the story is, learn to recognize when God sends you "signs". Ok, I say God loosely because I'm not even religious but you catch my drift.

This all boils down to the call I got yesterday. Someone up there must be sending me a sign. It's time to move on and stop moping. I don't even know why or what I'm still trying to hold onto? But I think the phone call was very clear yesterday, it's time. Stop kidding yourself. There is no redo. Time runs on a linear pattern, there is no going back and certainly being nostalgic all the time is not going to help.

It's over. Move on. It's over. Move on. It's over. Move on.

Christina Perri says it best

How the hell does a broken heart
Get back together when it's torn apart?
Teach itself to start beating again

Don't you think it was hard?
I didn't even say that you died
But it wouldn't have been such a lie
'Cause then I started to cry

So I'll make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
And how long can we keep this up, up, up?

2 a.m., where do I begin?
Crying off my face again
The silent sounds of loneliness
Wants to follow me to bed

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again

Too afraid to go inside
For the pain of one more loveless night
But the loneliness will stay with me
And hold me 'til I fall asleep

Broken pieces of
A barely breathing story
Where there once was love
Now there's only me and the lonely


Stalkers never prosper: 


Not knowing makes you yearn...

Knowing makes you curious...

Investigating makes you wonder...

The truth makes you sad...

Lies give you comfort...

When is this going to stop?

Lost it

Lost it

I realized today that I lost all my voice messages! I can't believe T-Mobile did this to me! How can you just delete my messages without asking me or even giving me a warning?? Death to you T-Mobile!

My messages were really special to me! I need them! I still listen to them time to time...just as a sweet reminder. Now it's all gone! I have so little left now. Little by little, I'm losing all I once had!

Kurtis is all I have left...

Hidden messages

I'm pretty sure these lyrics are about God but I think I can extend the meaning to apply to my life:

"Wait, I'm wrong
Should've done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist

So show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Oh Lord 

What am I looking for? What am I waiting for? Seems like I should know by now....

You know what this picture is? 

Yes...it's a puzzle..but the key is that it's incomplete. There is piece of puzzle that is missing. Such a critical piece missing....

Hidden messages: 

My life may not always seem very together but...

Everyday I try to pretend to pull it off that...

Everything is ok but then I know...

That it's not always the case... 

My mind is always racing and thinking about...

Everything else except my task at hand, why...

Is it that I'm always so distracted with such...

Non-sensical things, I think my...

Problem is that I always try to look at the... 

Overall picture and never focus on the...

Really hidden details and messages...

That are...

Laid out for me, just sitting in front of me...

And I manage to miss the details of the message because they are...

Never that apparent to me...

Details are not my forte. 

Can you see behind the distractions to get the real message?


Looking down: 

Why is it that people can so easily walk by one another and not even acknowledge the presence of the other person? We do this so effortlessly and so often. Not even a glance at the other person's face. We will just naturally move to the side to prevent collision as we breeze by each other, but no eye contact, eyes glued to the floor. Well, at least I do that anyway. And during the rare times that I actually look up to study the other person's face, they aren't looking back at me. Even when I try to smile at them...nothing.

Is it sad that we don't acknowledge each other's presence? But then again, I ask myself, what would even happen if we did? Nothing. We would just briefly exchange glances and keep walking along our merry way anyway. So, I guess there's no point.

There's probably no point in this entire "looking down" section of my blog. I don't even know myself what the point of me ranting on about this is. I think I tend to look too much into little details that don't matter (like this topic!) and then overlook things in my life that do matter. I need to get my priorities straight...

Perfect Fit

Perfect fit

I think this says it all:



High expectations? I think not....

Unrealistic expectations? Probably....

Will I find it? I'm not going to hold my breath.......


Cooking: 



I'm confused....


Inspiring: 




One of those nights:

*sighs

Tonight's just one of "those" nights.......

*curls up with Kurtis