Hello Journal

Hello Journal,

I'm writing this morning from a remote office away from where I normally give exams. I'm sent here every Wednesday and Friday mornings because it is a more convenient location for patients to get to, so therefore, here I am. This small little office is really more like a glorified closet, but I like it. It's very cozy and it's something that I can claim as my own. Back at the clinic, there are so many patients, interns, co-residents, attendings, techs, etc, etc, and everyone shares the same space. It's hard to find somewhere quiet to gather your thoughts. But here, I have my own space, my own little closet of a clinic.

Patients are scheduled every half hour, and I have my own schedule, so I'm the only doctor here that sees them. It can get hectic if everyone shows up, but more often than not, there are no shows. (thank goodness!). These no shows give me more time to chart and finish up with other patients that might have more problems that needs more time to deal with. No shows are definitely a treat! But sometimes they can be a blessing in disguise when I sit there for half an hour thinking someone isn't going to show up, and then they are late and two people show up at the same time and now I'm super backed up. That happens quite often here too, unfortunately.

It seems like it's been so long since I've written anything that has a happy undertone to it. I feel like my recent entries almost make me sound like all I do is roll around on the floor and cry all day. I just wanted to clarify that is not what I do ALL DAY LONG....just in the evenings when I come home from work. Haha, jk...sorta...haha, jk!

Ok, enough jokes. I wanted to share a few funny stories/convos I've had lately. I feel like I've been in such a rush lately, I don't even know why because I don't need to go anywhere, so I have no destination that I'm aiming for, but I just want to get there FAST apparently. So I've been impatiently cutting people off when they talk and not waiting for people to finish before I walk away...but I digress...here are some "interesting" updates/convos/stories:

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(this patient is around 90 years old and hard of hearing)
Patient: Oh my gosh, something is missing!
Me: WHAT IS MISSING?
Patient: You don't have a wedding ring! Did you know that?
Me: I'M AWARE OF THAT BUT THANKS FOR POINTING THAT OUT.
Patient: Well, it's missing! How can a pretty girl like you not find a husband?
Me: Apparently, it's pretty easy, effortless...
Patient: Huh? What did you say?
Me: I SAID WE ARE GOING TO START THE EXAM NOW. -_-
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Me: Ok, look right here.
Patient: *No reaction*
Me: look HERE.
Patient: Oh...with my eyes?
Me: ......yes? o_O
Patient: Oh, ok.
Me: You are still not looking here!
Patient: I can see it off to the side though!
Me: I want you to look here WITH your eyes and DIRECTLY at it! Not with your side vision!
Patient: OHHhh...ok, you should have been more specific!
Me: -_-

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Patient: I'VE BEEN WAITING TWO HOURS! WHY HAVE I NOT BEEN SEEN?
Me: Ok, I'm sorry, what's your name?
Patient: *********
Me: You aren't on the list.
Patient: YES I AM! I have an appointment today TWO HOURS AGO!
Me: *looks into chart* You HAD an appointment YESTERDAY TWO HOURS AGO.
Patient: Oh...really? haha, my bad.
Me: -_-

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Me: *opens patient's chart*
BIG FLASHING WARNING IN CHART:
"PATIENT IS DANGEROUS! ATTACKED VA WORKER TWO YEARS AGO. MUST EXAMINE PATIENT WITH A POLICE OFFICER NEARBY!"
Me: Hmmmmm.......ok...great......
(I survived the exam without a police officer monitoring the patient, I didn't get attacked, but I was very scarred the whole time)

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(This patient is legally blind)
Patient: You are very pretty!
Me: -_-

************

Patient: How old are you?
Me: 26
Patient: Just as a warning, the next four years are going to fly by and then you'll be old.
Me: um.....thanks for the warning? -_-

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Oh my! Time sure flies when you waste it updating an online journal no one reads! I have to get going now! Must make it to Sepulveda VA (where Grey's Anatomy is filmed!) for seminar today! More "funny" convos/stories to come later!