Small World

Small World

People always say this world is SO big. And I don't need people to tell me it's big, I know it's big. You can just look at a map or a globe. It takes so long to just get from one end of the US to the other, let alone, one side of the world to the other. But isn't it interesting that no matter how big the world really is, there are times when you just feel like the world is SOO small.

How is it that people you've completely lost touch with suddenly find you again? What force of nature is that? Fate? Destiny? Or is it just a statistics game? If you know enough people, by the natural entropy of this world, you are bound to run into someone random that you've met years and years ago? Does it mean anything that out of the 6 billion people in the world, you have run into them again?

I tend to look too much into these random encounters with people, but I can't help to just wonder...what does this mean? How come they are re-appearing in my life? Is there a greater being that is drawing us together? And if there is, why are we drawn together again?

I am a firm believer in fate and destiny. It's not because I've watched too many chick flicks, it' because I'd like to believe that the world is not complete random. I want to believe that there is some order to things and how the world works. It puts me more at ease to know that there might be some external force that controls a tiny component of everyone's lives. I'm not saying that I don't believe in free will, but I think there are certain events that are meant to happen sometimes. There are certain people you are meant to meet. And when all the dust settles, certain significant markers in your life that are meant to take place. When I adopt this philosophy, it makes me not worry as much about my life and things that are going/meant to happen. Because I know, I don't have to rush it or worry about it, it'll just happen with time.

If something is meant to happen, it will. If two people are meant to see each other again, it will. If they are meant to be together, it will. All in due time.

I'd like to believe things are just that easy. "Hey, no worries" because everything is already pre-determined. You just sit back and relax, and enjoy the ride of life.

But I'm starting to think that more so then not, life doesn't work like that. I'm starting to worry about life more, starting to doubt my philosophy, starting to doubt fate/destiny. It hasn't been on my side as of recent. Hope things turn around soon.


Phone call

You know sometimes you get that phone call from that person that you have been dying to talk to but then when your phone actually rings and you see that name light up on your phone, it just scares the living day lights out of you? That happened to me yesterday.

I guess I've been waiting and pretty much dying to talk to this person. And when it finally happens, I pick up the phone and I am too afraid to speak my mind or tell them the truth. I was too afraid I'd be judged and felt so silly. I really wanted to just poor out my feelings and all my emotions but I knew it wasn't appropriate. There was so much I wanted to convey...so many pent up emotions...but all was lost in my hesitations. I really didn't what to say half the time.

The whole conversation felt so heavy. Like when you eat a deep fried Twinkie, and all the sugar and oil just sinks into your stomach, like an anchor. An anchor that drags all your happiness down, burying your happy feelings forever and releasing all your sorrow.

It was the confirmation that I needed. The final chapter. The book is closed and that's that. The story is over. Period.

**New post, just added...

Epiphany

Yes, I just had an epiphany as I was driving to work this morning. After a week of moping and throwing a pity party for myself, I feel like someone's finally sent me some help. I'm always waiting for a sign, waiting for something to happen, but I'm too dumb to even recognize it when a sign does show up. It's almost like that joke with that boat and that guy...ok, here's how it goes:

A boat went down in the middle of the ocean and a guy is drift around in the middle of the sea, floating on some broken off piece of the boat. He floats there waiting. A boat comes by and asks him "Hey, are you ok? We are here to rescue you, hop on the boat!" and the guy in the water says "no thanks, I'm waiting for God to rescue me". And the boat leaves. In a little bit, another boat passes by and asks the man, "Hey, are you ok? You can come onto our boat" and the man in the water says "No thanks, I'm waiting for God to rescue me." And this happens ONE more time and eventually, the man in the water drowns. The man dies and goes to heaven. In heaven, the man meets up with God and asks him "Hey God, why did you not rescue me and let me drown?" and God replies: "I did, I sent you THREE boats to rescue you!"

So anywayz, the moral of the story is, learn to recognize when God sends you "signs". Ok, I say God loosely because I'm not even religious but you catch my drift.

This all boils down to the call I got yesterday. Someone up there must be sending me a sign. It's time to move on and stop moping. I don't even know why or what I'm still trying to hold onto? But I think the phone call was very clear yesterday, it's time. Stop kidding yourself. There is no redo. Time runs on a linear pattern, there is no going back and certainly being nostalgic all the time is not going to help.

It's over. Move on. It's over. Move on. It's over. Move on.