Worst Date Ever

Worst Date Ever:

Last night I survived one of the WORST dates I've ever been on. It was really close but I almost didn't make it. This is not your typical romantic comedy "worst date ever" type of things, where it will turn into a funny story to tell afterwards.....no.....this was different. It was a more subtle, intangible "worst date ever" type of deals. If you ask me, "what exactly was wrong with it?" I wouldn't be able to give you just one straight answer. I mean, I think it's easier to ask me "what went well with the date?" because I could just answer, "nothing". There wasn't just ONE thing that happened that made the date horrible...but it was more of a collection of unhealthy vibes that just made the whole experience very uncomfortable. I wanted out within the first few minuets. It was so bad that I even decided to PAY for myself just because I didn't want to owe this guy anything or feel obligated to spend more time with him than I need to! Yes...that was how bad it was. Let's start from the beginning shall we?

I got there early. Sat in the front of the restaurant waiting, looking over the menu. Then he shows up. First impression: he smells funny...what is that? -_-

We exchange a few greetings. Very awkward. He seemed very short with me. Did he not want to be there? No...he is just socially awkward. Didn't know how to greet someone with a warm welcome? Yes, that's more like it. A brief, "Hi" and then awkward stare at something off in the distance. .I have no idea what he was looking at. He seemed very aloof and out of it.  

Ok, not off to a great start. I try a little small talk. I found out he biked there. Weird smell...a little out of breathe, biked there...ok, I'm probably smelling his sweat. Gross. A little word of advice to you guys out there, DON'T BIKE to your DATES! You SWEAT! Unless your sweat smells like Ralph Lauren's Polo Cologne (it comes in a nice blue bottle, very expensive), then you smell BAD. BAD is NOT good. Always minus brownie points here.

I always like to ask if the guy has been to the restaurant before. He says he has. I then proceed to ask if he recommends anything on the menu. He points to one thing on the menu and commands me "get that, it's good". I am quiet. I think he sensed his short/commanding tone was a little off puting and he quickly follows with an insincere "or not...whatever, everything is good here."

I hate him already.

I don't even want to go into detail about how the rest of the night unraveled because it's just horrific to recall.
But I can summarize, that it lasted less than an hour, we complained excessively about our respective mothers, I found out nothing that I wanted to know about this guy and I'm pretty sure he felt the same way about me, since our conversation was just a long rant about life. Near the end, he wanted to watch a movie, I politely declined. Ran for my life to my car!

Here is when you know a date is going down the dumps. He knows more about my mother and her neurotic behavior than he does about me.

I really hope I didn't look too judgmental the whole time because I tend to talk with my hands and my facial expressions and if my hands/facial expressions reflected my thoughts, then boy, did I look SUPER rude and uncomfortable.

I think this date actually made me REGRESS in terms of dating life. I want that hour of my life back! I actually didn't even enjoy the food...was it because of the awful company? I have no idea! I can't unravel the details and I really have no inclination to at all!

This is what happens when you follow the advice of a guy friend. "Yes, this guy  looks legit, yes, meet up with him". That's the last time I'm going to fall for that! I had to learn the hard way but no more guy advice for my dating life!

FB

FB:

I had a friend text me the other day:
"Hey, I have a fb q"

I think it's safe to say that it's socially accepted that fb stands for FACEBOOK. So I texted her back saying:
"Oh, I didn't know you got a facebook account now, are you going to add me as a friend?"

At which point she laughed at me and said:
"Haha, I mean foreign body silly!"

Yeah, that's definitely not what I was thinking....haha.

Christmas Cards:

I'm not a big greeting card person, never has been, but as I've "matured," I've begun to appreciate greeting cards more and more. They are no longer just fancy card stock paper with a clever greeting and a cute cartoon printed on them anymore, they embody so much more than that. I never really understood that, until I gradually received more and more thoughtful greeting cards throughout the years.

There are some cards I like because they are from someone really meaningful to me. There are some I like because the card is really pretty or the greeting is really funny. There are some I like because it's been personalized, whether it be extra drawings or a really heart-warming message drawn/written by the sender.  And then there are some cards that have ALL of the above. And those, I definitely keep with me and very dear to my heart. I cherish inanimate objects that remind me of friends or fond memories. Sometimes I feel like that's all I have left of that moment in time.  I go through and look at all my cards all again sometimes just to take a walk down memory lane. I don't know what other people do with their cards, but if it's like one of my best friends, you probably throw them away after you read them.

Anyhow, this year I am going to try to mail Christmas Cards to people. Aside from helping my mom mail cards to her friends, I've never done it before. I've passed out meaningless generic Christmas cards to my friends before, but never tried to write personal greetings and actually mail them out.

Most of the people on my "to mail" list are not my age. They are people way older than me. I guess I'm assuming they will appreciate the cards more than the friends my age will?

Hopefully, my card will be special enough for people to keep and cherish them for a long time. (I'm not saying forever, because that is being too hopeful)

T - 3 DAYS:

I'm counting down the days! Gonna be in THE CITY soon! I'm actually getting less excited about it because everyone is telling me it is going to rain and it's going to be so cold. I don't have any rain boots with me and none of my shoes that I have right now are going to suffice, so this trip is probably going to suck (for my shoes/socks/feet).

But nonetheless, I'm still excited to see some friends!

It's too bad I won't get to see everyone I want to see :(

Looking nice: 

I met this guy that we originally had intentions of dating but then we decided to be friends. We have a really interesting dynamic together. I feel like we are flirty but supportive of each other. We almost just replaced each other's significant other but we don't really do all that lovey-dovey stuff.

I'm suppose to meet up with him tonight for dinner. I put my hair in "rollers" last night to curl them and I really have no idea how it would turn out, so I was almost hesitant to meet up with him tonight because I didn't want my hair to turn out to be a disaster and I had to see him. When I told him that, he replied with: "Don't worry, you always look nice. And you don't have to look nice for me, you aren't trying to impress me."

But I do want to look nice. Even if I'm not trying to impress him.

Wait! Who is this girl that I'm morphing into? I would have NEVER thought these things before! I was always the super scrungy, very casual, almost hobo looking girl and all of a sudden, I want to look NICE everyday, even if it's someone I don't want to impress?? What has gotten into me?? Am I finally growing up??

My mom would be so proud by the way. She's always complaining about how I don't act more like a girl. I've always been such a tom boy. I never cared about dresses or make up growing up. But recently, I've been more interested in make up, doing my hair, wearing nicer clothes and looking nice, even if there is no one to impress.

I didn't really realize this was happening because it was so gradual. First, it was wearing some eye make up. Then it was caring more about my hair. Buying more hair care products. Then I started to accessorize more. In a few days, I'm going to SF, and now I'm even thinking about travelling with my flat iron so I can do my hair.

Wow, this is crazy! I used to be the girl that made fun of other girls for travelling with flat irons and hair care products....and now I AM THAT GIRL! This is nuts!

For One More Day

Reading, again? 

I honestly think I've been having an incredible reading year. For those of you that know me, I never read. Well, I shouldn't' say "never" but I seldom read. I've been averaging about 1 book a year and sometimes, I don't even get to 1 book, sometimes it's like half a book or none. But THIS year, I've read the entire series of The Hunger Games, Eat Pray Love, and maybe one more book that I'm not remembering......AND just this Thanksgiving break, I finished reading "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom.

I've always been a fan of his books, "Tuesdays with Morrie" and "Five People You Meet In Heaven". His books are truly inspiring and life changing. Makes you really re-evaluate your life and your attitudes towards life.

When I first picked up this book and started to read it again, the story seemed so familiar to me. I thought to myself that I must have read it before. But I honestly don't remember how it ended, and to be honest, I don't read that much, so I remember books I've read, and I had no recollection of reading this one, but the story just seemed so familiar. Anyway, getting about halfway, I realized that I had started this book in the past, and never finished it. See, this is one of those examples where I only read HALF A BOOK a year type deals...

I don't know why I didn't have time to finish this before, but I'm really glad I made my way around and got to finish it now. The story here is about a man that has reached a point in his life where he is seeking suicide. In his attempts to end his life, he has a supernatural experience where he is granted one more day to spend with his deceased mother. And throughout this day, he recounts/rehashes his life and his relationship with his mother, coming to the realization that he hasn't been a great son to his mother, but it's all too late, because she's not alive for him to treat her any better anymore.

This story really helps me re-evaluate my actions and attitudes towards how I treat my family, particularly my mom. Just like the main character in this book, I'm always "too busy" and very short with them when they call me or talk to me. I sometimes give them an attitude or I'm always so annoyed when they ask me for help. After reading this book, I'm reminded that life is short and I really should treat them better. As much as I don't want to admit it, they won't be here forever, and when they do pass, I don't want to think back and recollect all these memories of how I didn't treated my mom and grandma with respect. I don't want to be the main character in the book. I don't want to live my life with regret. That's not the person I want to be. I want to be the poster child, the child that will move "Heaven and Earth" for my parents. I can't make any promises, but I will definitely TRY. I will TRY a lot harder from now on.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Gobble, Gobble!

It's that time of the year again to over indulge on food and eat way past your daily 2000 calorie allowance! But if you are me, then that's actually, me everyday. Well, I do over indulge a little bit more than I normally do on Thanksgiving...hehe.

There was this one year where I had to go to 5 or 6 Thanksgiving dinners in a row...one after another, for almost a week straight and ever since then I've LOATHED turkey. So I've always avoided it every Thanksgiving, but this year, I decided to give it another shot, and surprisingly, it was pretty good. It didn't have that awful gamy smell and taste. I think I'm a Thanksgiving/Turkey lover once more!

I'm thankful for being able to spend Thanksgiving with my parents this year. Normally, my parents have to work overtime for Thanksgiving and it's really nice they were both able to get the day off today! We started out the day by driving all the way up to North County to have dim sum at Pearl. Their dim sum there was pretty good, I have to say :) They had really good service too because Pearl hired a lot of young white girls to work there and they were very energetic, eager to serve, and nice too!

Afterwards, my parents and I went to the grand opening of H Mart! Yes friends! This is the same H Mart that I found in Portland, Oregon!! WHOOP WHOOP! They must have decided to open a chain down here in Cali! It's a really good move too because the place was PACKED! I had to elbow people to get around the store! There was a really cute French bakery inside the market and there were these really cute macaroons that I really wanted to get but the line was almost out the door to pay so I decided it wasn't worth it. There was a really legit looking fast food area in the market, serving super tasty looking Korean food, just like the H Mart in Portland! I wanna go back and try the food there!

(I don't know why the photo got inverted...yes, that's my head there on the lower left)

The rest of the day was spend getting ready to go over to my Aunt's for Thanksgiving dinner. We made a lot of different dishes to bring over there with us. I made these little cake bites. Looks good and tastes pretty decent too :) I was really worried because I actually left out a key ingredient, MILK! I didn't even realize it until my brother pointed it out to me! I don't know how I possibly missed it! I overlook things way too often! I need to pay more attention to detail. But I guess somethings never change..haha.

(they almost look like macaroons!)

Thanksgiving dinner at my Aunt's was pretty fun. I'm glad I got to see all my aunts/uncles/grandma again. Surprisingly, none of my cousin's came. Good thing my brother was there to keep me company. I'm glad I'm not an only child, otherwise, I'd probably be bored out of my mind. Well...maybe not, I tend to be pretty good at entertaining myself. I think about the most random things and then before I even know it, 3 hours has gone by. Ok...that was an exaggeration, maybe like 30 mins goes by without me noticing it..he he he..

Patients say the darnest things:

I had a few interesting comments from patients, here goes:

Me: Please looks over here.
Patient: Ok, whatever you say kiddo. I'm sorry, I guess I should refer to you as doctor?
Me: yes, please. Please look over here.
Patient: You got it kiddo. Sorry, you just look so young...
Me: -_-

Patient: Are you the doctor?
Me: Yes.
Patient: Wow, you look like a little high school girl.
Me: -_-

This happened within the last few weeks after this:

Yes...I cut some bangs....it turned out surprisingly ok...I thought it was going to be a disaster since I was going to do it myself, but it's not too bad and I'm actually getting used to them. At first I thought I looked SUPER funny but now I can't really imagine myself without them. They are really growing on me. Anyhow, a few of my friends pointed out that bangs actually make people look YOUNGER. Which I guess makes sense given these patient comments in the last few weeks after I got my bangs... 

Black Friday

It's always been this brother/sister ritual between my brother and I to go black Friday shopping together. We have this plan all worked out where we rush into the store and one person gets in line to pay and the other person shops for things and then we switch, and it actually took a while to perfect, but I think we finally got it all down...but this year, I totally got dumped. My brother told me that he's actually going to go with his friends instead of me. DUMPED. Yes, much like everything else in my life, I've been left in the dust to fend for myself. I guess I'll just stay home and "sleep" in until 7am! Considering I wake up at 5-6am everyday, 7am is sleeping in for me :)

Being Silly:

My co-residents and I were being silly and decided to model some really "stylish" new frames that just arrived. Observe:

(Here I am with my CRAZY eyes again)

Lower Your Expectations:

Ok, not trying to get anyone's hopes up....but I think I'm going to be SF bound VERY soon.......outlook is pretty good.......but keep in mind, keep your expectations lower....just in case..... 

SF or not?

It's Friday again! This week went by really fast for me! I think it's because of the LONG weekend, getting Monday off always makes the week go by faster. This week has also been really hectic for me. I feel like I didn't have time to do anything! Every day when I get home it's like 8 or 9pm, take a shower, eat and it's bed time.

I was almost late for work this morning because I got hooked on watching these movie trailers on hulu. I didn't think I would like zombie movies but this one really caught my eye. It looks really funny! Check it out!

I've been pushing off a decision I really should have made a while ago...I am still trying to figure out if I should go to SF the first weekend of Dec or not. I already bought my tickets, I know where I'm staying, I want to go up and see some friends...AND of course I want to celebrate the happy news of a successful round of radiation with a SPECIAL SOMEONE *wink wink*.....so I seem to have so many good reasons but I'm still hesitant. I'm normally really reluctant to act on things that I'm hesitant about so I have many reservations about this trip. May be it will be nice to go and just step away for a while. I rarely just take a vacation to take a vacation (unless it's with my parents). I normally always travel with a purpose. I kinda do have a purpose this time, it's to accompany my friend for her UCSF interviews. Ahhh...I don't know. I'm still just going to push it on the back burner and simmer the thought on low heat.......I'm just going to keep everyone guessing!

Little hole, where are you?

Little hole, where are you?

I found a very small and hard to find retinal hole in a patient today. I wanted to consult with someone so I asked another resident to come take a look. After 10 mins of bright lights and poking at the patient, she couldn't find it. At which point, she pulled in the attending doctor. After another 10 mins of bright lights and poking at the patient, he couldn't find it. Then we had to pull out a spell type of lens that is more invasion because we have to push it against the eye (so it touches the eye), in hopes that this will help see the hole. Still couldn't find it, so I had to jump in again and pull up the view with the special lens...at which point, I just held the view there and moved over so the doctor could look into the oculars and see what I was seeing. Then, he finally saw the hole.

I'm very surprised that I actually saw something like this. I'm not very good at retinal evaluations, but apparently, I'm better than I thought...  *BIG smiles*

Poor eye: 

I have a friend that has been getting recurrent episodes of a unilateral red eye...sometimes it's the lids and sometimes it's the eye itself, but I feel so bad for her. I feel her pain since I've been getting multiple episodes of tooth aches myself, I can see how recurrent, chronic symptoms are such a bother! I think she has episcleritis, which at this point, I'm wondering why she has it...very suspicious...

Pray, pray: 

I hope and "pray" for good results from the radiation, you know who you are :)

My thoughts are with you *hugs*

Candy:

I don't know what's been going on with me lately but I've had this HUGE candy craze! I've been downing candy constantly! Normally I am a huge chocolate fanatic, but lately, I've been craving gummy candies, like gummy bears, gummy worms, mike and ikes, life saver gummies, swedish fish...and of course, all of its respective sour friends like sour gummy worms, sour life save gummies, sour patch kids! YUM! My mouth is drooling just thinking about them! If I'm not going to walk away with a million cavities, I'm for sure going to get diabetes after this......

Acme Bread:

There is this place I found in San Diego that reminds me of Acme bread. Oh gosh, how I miss Acme bread! If it's anything I miss about the bay area, aside from FRIENDS, of course, it's the food!! Just being in that bakery this weekend, surrounded by all the artisan bread, overwhelmed me with nostalgic memories of Acme bread in Berkeley. I can remember all the times I biked there in hopes of buying some currant bread, only to find it's all sold out. All the times I walked there and then realized I was too tired to walk back, so I'd sit there and eat as much bread as I possibly could before I started to walk back home. Or the times when Byron would drive me to Acme bread and we would get some pan epi, then go to Trader Joes and get some cheese and meat, then go home and make some really good sandwiches!

All these happy memories of being in the bay area came gushing back. Hard to believe that among all that incessant complaining about the weather and how unhappy I was there, I actually did find happiness there. That when I think back to Berkeley now, I'm starting to associate it with happy memories that I'm actually fond of. I guess this is what happens when people become nostalgic, the past is raised onto a pedestal and you just want to return back to the past. You forget all the bad memories that followed with it. It's easy to forget.

I'm even starting to miss the rain...OMG, who am I? Why am I saying such things? I need to snap back into reality!

Potluck Cookies and Obama

Potluck cookies
We have a potluck today at work. I bought cookies. I forgot to bring the cookies. -_-

I'm going to blame it my fainting spell, followed by my head trauma on Monday. I do feel a little more out of it and more forgetful than usual. Maybe it's just me being paranoid or I'm just trying to find an escape goat. I don't know...but I'm suspicious I lost some brain cells from this fall...very suspicious.

In addition, some of my lab testing has returned from Monday and I'm very very, DEATHLY low on iron, which means I am probably very anemic. My CBC with differentials hasn't come in yet, but I'm suspicious it's very low. I know the quick fix would be to take iron supplements but I'm afraid that malnutrition is not my problem because I know I eat enough and I eat a variety of things, but I'm afraid it's malabsorption of nutrients that is my problem. And if that's the problem, then it's not going to be that easy to fix. Oh poo...I hate it when there isn't a quick fix to a health problem.  :(

Obama
Hot topic today everywhere should be that Obama got re-elected right? I didn't even vote, but if I did, that's who I would have voted for. So yay me for making things happen without even trying! *high fives self*

Vasovagal Syncope

Vasovagal Syncope 

Yesterday at about 10:30am-11:00am, while I was at work, I felt very nauseous. I ran to the bathroom thinking I was going to throw up, but instead, realized that my vision started to fade. I couldn't see anything, I could only sense light. I started to panic and hyperventilate. Next thing I knew, I woke up on the floor of the bathroom. GROSS! I know. When I came to, the first thing I realized was that I was on the floor. Then I really hoped that I was on a clean floor, like at home or in my apartment. And when I realized I was on the bathroom floor, I was very disgusted, but then very worried because I just realized what had happened...I fainted.

I felt around my head and I realized there was a really tender spot that really hurt when I touched it. I bet I hit on my head really hard on the way down. Then I realized that everything was really blurry. I felt my face and realized my glasses were gone. I had to feel around the bathroom floor (again, GROSS!) and finally found my glasses across the floor of the bathroom. Which lead me to my next thought, "how hard did I fall to knock my glasses off my face and across the floor?"

When I finally got my glasses back on, I examined myself to find scrapes on my hands. I must have scraped them when I fell. I took a moment to gather myself in the bathroom, and then went back to work. I know...crazy right? I just fainted and I decided to go back to work instead of...I don't know...going to the doctor?

The ironic thing is, I was in a hospital. I work in the hospital on Monday's giving bedside exams. Surrounded by doctor's but yet, still not receiving any medical care because they weren't MY doctor and didn't accept my insurance. Funny how the word works.

At about 3:00pm, I realized that there were bruises on my hands and my lip was bruised too. I must have fallen on my face and bruised up my hands. I decided to call Kaiser and get some advice from a nurse. She recommended that I go to urgent care but NOT drive myself, in case I black out again. So I asked my friend to take me, but the catch was, I had to drive myself to my friend.

As I drove to her, I almost got in an accident, REALLY near miss AND when I got there, I just turned off my car and didn't even put it in park or put my emergency break on. Since I was on a hill, I started to roll backwards. Good thing there was no one behind me!

So after 3 hours at Urgent Care, $20 for co-pay, an EKG, $10 for lab testing, and $5 for parking, the diagnosis was "vasovagal syncope". Of course it was something that simple...

This morning, I found dirty splotches on my white coat...probably from the bathroom floor...great.

Modern Family

While my friend drove me to the hospital yesterday, we passed by a church that Modern Family was filming at. I saw Phil and Gloria taking a break and eating, my friend spotted Mitchell. It was really cool! Wish I had a camera to take some pictures. If only I wasn't so worried about passing out yesterday I really would have been a lot more excited about it. I can't wait to watch the episode where this church is featured in it! It's just down the street from my apartment too! I pass by this church all the time!

Time

Time: 
I don't understand how time passes by so quickly and slowly at the exact same time. I guess it's one of those dual property phenomenons like how light can be a particle and a wave at the exact same time. It's beyond our human capabilities to understand how light works, just as it's probably beyond my ability to understand how time works.

My physics teacher at UCSD told me a story about light that I will never forget. He compared current scientific understanding of light to a story about a scientist that discovers a caveman. So there was this scientist that found this frozen caveman. He thawed him and started teaching him about the modern world. He taught him English and was about to fly him over to Switzerland to submit him for a Noble Prize. Just as they were heading to the airport, the scientist pointed to the taxi that arrived and said "this is a 'taxi'". The caveman nodded and said "taxi". Then when they were driving to the airport, the scientist pointed to a bird outside the window that was flying in the sky and said "that is a 'bird'". The caveman nodded and said "bird". Once they arrived at the airport, the caveman spotted an airplane that was on the runway about to take off. The caveman pointed at the airplane and said "taxi!". Just as the caveman registered that the airplane was a taxi, the plane took off the ground and ascended into the air. The caveman was confused and shouted "bird?".

This story demonstrates our elementary understanding of light as we crudely try to classify it as a particle or a wave, but it really has components of both, but because we are not that advance to understand completely understand light, we are confused when light can act as a particle and a wave, just like the caveman is confused that the airplane can act as both a taxi and a bird. And just as I am confused as to why time can pass by so quickly and so slow at the exact same time.

But then again, my subjective opinion on time might all just be psychological and completely different from my story about the caveman and light, but that was the best example I could think of to compare how I view time at the moment.

Life Line: 
I've always believed in reading palms and ever since I was a little girl, I've always believed that my life line is short. I estimated only living until 30yrs old +/- 5 years. But recently, I feel like my life line has grown LONGER. That's not possible because supposedly, your palm lines stop changing after you are 18. I can't explain it, but I really feel like my life line has grown longer! Normal people might be happy to find out that their life line has been extended, but I'm actually really upset about it. I've set up expectations my whole life to only live until I'm around 30. Now what am I going to do if I live past that age?? I don't have plans! My health is declining! I watched "A Simple Life"! I know what happens when you age! I don't want to end up in an old person home! I know I'm not going to age gracefully so this is not negotiable!

A midst all my upset thinking about the possibility of my life extending past 30 years old, I began to ponder how I would die. All these really horrifying thoughts about me drowning, getting hit by a car, thrown off a building, bullet to the head were popping up! It was really scary! I just don't want to feel any pain when it's my time to go! Well, I bet that's everyone's wish but not everyone gets that luxury. This is just a sad topic to think about all together...ok, I digress...

Back to being upset about my life line being extended! -_-

Happy Halloween?

Needing a custom made nightguard, 5 stress fractures on my teeth that need to be fixed, and a parking ticket! Happy Halloween indeed........

I'm so poor :(