The Holidays

There is something about the holidays that make people nicer and more pleasant. That is to say...when they actually REMEMBER that "tis the season to be jolly"...otherwise everyone is just their same old ruthless selves that is often more than eager to cut you in line or mad dog you for standing in the middle of the grocery isle a little too long because you are trying to decide what type of cereal to purchase.

I'm sure you are all thinking that is is not the type of folks you find in LA. Because LA is filled with friendly and nice civilians that would be more than happy to open doors for you and let you cut in in front of them when you signal with your blinker that you need to merge lanes on the freeway.

What am I really saying here? PEOPLE OF LA: you drive like a police car that's trying to chase down some bank robbers! And is it really necessary to honk excessively?? IS it??

Ok, enough ranting about crazy Holiday LA drivers.........

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So I get this call from one of my best friends yesterday telling me that for my Christmas gift, she got me a profile on match.com. Yes, you read that right...she started a profile on a dating website for me. She found my picture on facebook, bam! It's also my picture on match.com now. She wrote my profile for me, bam! I'm suddenly 5'8" and a "lovable and funny" person now. I apparently also added a few guys to my "favorites" list already too. This was all very much just fun and games until I opened my email and found my inbox spammed with >20 messages from match.com! Between all the "likes" "winks" "favorites" "emails" and whatever else alerts are available through match.com......I think from yesterday to today I've received OVER 50 emails. This is CRAZY! It's become very much a second job to keep deleting these emails from my inbox.

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"You know what I've realized lately? I've gained some weight lately, and I think it's because I've been eating out with you and you eat a lot so it makes me feel like I need to eat a lot and now I'm gaining weight!"

This is exactly what a friend said to me today when I was eating dinner with him. Haha! Amateur foodie trying to reach my level......that's never going to happen, I've been training all my life to eat like the way I eat now.....he'll never be like me.....props to him for trying though. Haha.

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Ever since I've taken this private practice job in San Gabriel, I've been constantly cursed to return back to that plaza. Every time my parents take a trip to LA, I end up in that plaza. When my mom's friend invites me out to dinner, it's in that plaza. And even TODAY, when I didn't even expect to go back to there...I had to drive there unexpectedly after work to run an errand for my mom. I swear I'm cursed!

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I had lunch with my co-residents today and they confirmed a few things with me today:
1) I'm the loudest of them all (I was a little surprised about this one...)
2) I'm not shy (kinda surprised about this one...)
3) I eat the most of them all (not surprised at all...)

In my mind, I don't think I'm that loud...and I feel like I'm super shy! And to be honest, I don't think I eat the most...I think I just talk about it the most...I think one of my co-residents can give me a run for my money. She eats a lot too, but I don't know why no one talks about it...they just talk about ME eating a lot. *pouts*

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I got a NEW phone! The Galaxy S III and I got a DATA plan now! WOW! It's amazing! I'm finally catching up with technology. I'm probably honestly just going to use it to play WORDS WITH FRIENDS and obsessively check my email.......yup, really glad I'm spending that extra $60 a month for a data plan...seems like I'm going to really make it worth my while....

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I think we should all take a moment and thank our stars that the Mayans were wrong about the world ending and that we are all alive and doing well. I remember watching this documentary on the Mayan Calendar and how on Dec 21, 2012 is when the magnetic current of the world is suppose to shift/reverse and that might cause a ton of catastrophes. I was pretty worried for a while...I was considering calling everyone I cared about and telling them how much I love them...but then I realized I would look really stupid if nothing happened and no one died because I'm dumb enough to buy into the whole "end of the world" craziness. I still really wanted to do it, but I guess laziness and lack of time got the best of me. Anyways, I'm not sure if the magnetic current  of the world shift or reversed at all, but I'm really glad nothing bad happened to us. Long live Earth! Yay!

Worst Date Ever Part 2

Just when I think that my dates could not possibly get any worse.........I'm proven wrong...very very very WRONG.

I don't know how many times I'm going to claim this on my blog but...I JUST WENT ON THE WORST DATE EVER!!

I can't believe I'm saying this AGAIN!

I don't know where the problem is...am I too picky or is the quality of the guys I'm dating just plummeting??

I drove home tonight thinking that this is probably just the second worst date ever...but probably pretty close to the WORST..but THEN when I actually rehash all the details of the date, I realize, nope, it's pretty  much the worst date EVER.

I don't even know where to begin to rehash why this was the worst date ever. Oh my gosh...so many horrible details that I do not wish to recall!!

Let me just start by giving a small snit bit of our conversation:

*awkward silence, date just stares and smiles at me...
Me: So...................
*date stares, smiles
Me: SOOoooooo.............Do you have any siblings?
Date: Yes.  *stares, smiles
Me: ............older? younger?
Date: Older. *smiles
Me: ............................how many years older?
Date: A few. *smiles
Me: ..................??
Date: *smiles
Me:  How many siblings?
Date: Three. *smiles
Me: ..............................o_O

This is seriously the most painful conversation I've ever had! I would seriously rather be having dental work done right now than trying to extract a LITTLE bit of info from this GUY! It's like pulling teeth from him!! It gets worse........

*awkward silence
Date: Do you have any interesting stories?
Me: ...................O_O..............what?
Date: interesting stories.
Me: Like what? Like from my childhood? my life? my job? what are you talking about?
Date: ummmmmmmmm..........yeah, anything.
Me: ................um...............I guess I can tell you stories about interesting things that happen to me at work.....

*So I started rambling on about weird patients that I've encountered at work, only to realize that I don't find anything I'm saying remotely interesting so I stop telling my stories mid-sentence and say......

Me: Is this what you are asking me? Is this what you are looking for? I'm not really sure what you mean by "interesting stories".....*puzzled look
Date: Sure. That's fine.
Me: ....................................O_O................(I'm thinking: what's happening right now? This has got to be the worst, most non-coherent conversation I've ever tried to have on a date...)
Date: *smiles
Me: Ok...so I'm going to stop talking about my interesting stories now because they aren't really that interesting.......what do you like to do in your spare time?
Date: watch movies.
Me: Ok...what movies?
Date: *rambled on about all these movies I don't care about...then mentions something about "The Hobbit"
Me: OH! I wanted to watch The Hobbit!
Date: Me too. Want to go together?
Me: um.......................maybe................(I'm really thinking: NO WAY!)
Date: How about this friday?
Me: ...............you mean tomorrow???
Date: Oh yeah. Tomorrow.
Me: No, I have plans (I don't really have plans...)
Date: Oh......
Me: So.....................*silence..............(I'm desperate here...so I just start rambling...)....I grew up in SD, I went to UCSD, then I went to UCBerkeley, and now I'm here, in LA...working....
Date: How about the Friday after New Years?
Me: What?
Date: To watch "The Hobbit"
Me: ........o_O (I'm thinking: are you serious? I just changed the subject...I was talking about something else, this guy is totally not even listening to a word I'm saying!)..........um............I'm going to have to get back to you on that......(I'm really thinking: NO WAY IN H-E-double hockey sticks!!)

**skipping to another part of the conversation......

This guy actually starts teaching me about biology and how sugar is digested in your body...he launches into this long ended, condescending talk about biochemical reactions in your body. He's a computer/software engineer so I ask "how do you know about all of this?" and he replies: "I read a lot of wikipedia pages". I don't know how why or how...but I think a little part of my brain just couldn't handle how bad this date was going but somewhere inside my body...maybe my brain, I snapped. I could not fathom the thought of some computer/software engineer teaching me about BIOLOGY. "oh, no you didn't!" *finger snap

I did not get a B.S. in Biochemistry and Cell Biology at a 4 year university to have some computer/software engineer teach me about how sugar is processed in the body! Ugh! First he doesn't talk and when he does talk, it's OFFENSIVE!

Do you know when a date is going really bad?? I started talking to a girl sitting in a table NEXT to us. Yes, I did. She was sitting by herself and probably laughing her butt off watching my date SINK like the TITANIC. I had more fun talking to her than I did to my own date. I probably would have had more fun just sitting there eating by myself than talk to my date!

Do you know how you know the date is going HORRIBLY WRONG?? WHEN I PAY FOR MY FREAKEN MEAL!!! I refused to let this guy pay! He insisted, which was nice...but then I insisted, "NO, WE ARE SPLITTING THE BILL."

*************Ok, rewind to another date...not as horrible as this one...but maybe equally disturbing....

Date: I don't get sad when things die. I am not emotionally attached to anything.
Me: What?? what about if you had a puppy that you really liked and it died?
Date: I wouldn't be sad.
Me: Really?
Date: yeah.
Me: why not??
Date: Because, it's inevitable. You know it's going to happen. You know it's going to die. Everything dies. It's bound to happen. So why be sad about it?

Ok...to be honest, I was just a little weirded out when I heard my date say this...but when I repeated these words to several friends, everyone thought he sounded like a Serial Killer! And now I'm starting to think so too!!

I mean, think about it! He doesn't have any emotions! You know who else doesn't have emotions? Psychopathic Serial Killers!!!!! And of course, just as I'm writing this blog, he calls me.........not a creepy coincidence at all..............*scared


Maybe I should just give up on dating and just stay home and be safe with Kurtis. I like that idea more. Good bye to dating. Good bye to all this craziness! I'm just going to stick to my non-interesting life for now! Good riddance!

I'm awake

I can't believe it's 2:43am and I'm awake. I can't sleep. I'm very tired, but I can't sleep. Thoughts of me being a horrible person keep racing through my mind.

My behavior was very disappointing and I let people down yesterday, most importantly, I let myself down. I was so disappointed in myself, I was desperately seeking for support to ensure I wasn't completely a horrible person, but when I called my friend to plead my case, she confirmed everything I didn't want to hear. She confirmed the obvious truth that I did NOT handle the situation properly, I am a horrible person and I failed.

She was right. But it hurt so much to hear that. It felt like someone just jabbed a knife straight into my heart and then pushed it in deeper and twisted the knife for a final fatal blow.

It felt good to cry and just release my emotions.

Another friend called around 12 am and we chatted for 2 hours or so. His words were more supportive but it didn't help, I knew they were lies. It's not "ok". Things will not be "fine".

As much as the truth hurts, my first friend was right. I did disappoint everyone and I let everyone down. They have a right to be mad and I'm just going to have to face the consequences.

I don't feel well. Maybe I'm just too tired. Maybe I'm just really sad.

It's 2:58am. I can't believe I'm awake right now.

Back from SF

Weekend in SF:
Against all odds and all disbelief...I went to SF this weekend. I was so on the fence about it and being so flaky about it that no one really even believed me when I said I'd be going up to SF for sure.

I had a lot of hesitation for traveling up there, but I'm really glad I went. I had a great weekend catching up with friends and eating SO MUCH FOOD. Thanks for keeping me well fed...maybe a little too well fed, my SF friend. I meant to take so many pictures this time around, but ending up, I always forgot. I updated some photos on facebook....the few that I had.

I realized that I had stored a lot of good (and bad) memories of the bay area. Being back there was very much bitter-sweet. Thank goodness it was more sweet than bitter. This trip did, however, made me realize how much I miss a lot of people from the bay area. I say "a lot" very losely...when I say a lot, I really mean like a couple of people or a few at most. I'm very selective in who I chose to "miss". Haha. I think it would have been a lot worse if I went over to the Berkeley side, where MOST of my memories are from. I don't know how I would feel to go back there. Just imagining walking down those streets in my head gives me the willies. I think I just want to block Berkeley out of my head for a while. It resurfaces a whole bag of worms that I just don't want to dig up right now. Too soon, too soon.

The best surprise had to be when one of my SJ friends rushed back from LA to meet up with me. I was sooo excited! I had to really contain my excitement. I honestly think I tried too hard to contain it because I feel like I came off really nonchalantly. Oh man! I just realized I didn't even get a picture with my SJ friend! DARN IT! *smacks head on table*

I'm also really glad I got to see my friend's mom. I have this feeling I'm like a teacher's pet...except I'm a "Parent's pet". I am so keen/eager to get chummy chummy with my friend's parents. It makes me so happy when I'm loved among my friend's parents. It's like I almost care more that my friend's parents like me than my friends. That doesn't make any sense. I have to add that to the list of things that don't make sense about me.

I really need to start a food list of places I want to eat in SF when I go back next time. There were so many places I thought of AFTER I left that I wanted to go back and eat at. I did look through my Yelp reviews prior to my trip to remind me what I liked, but once I hit all the Berkeley restaurants that I used to eat at and saw that most of them were CLOSED, I was so devastated! Makes me so sad that most of the places that I gave 4 or 5 stars to aren't even opened anymore! I don't like change, so that was definitely a gloomy walk down memory lane!

Resuming Life in LA:
I'm having a hard time resuming my life back in LA. I feel like I'm maladjusted. But that doesn't make any sense because I've been in LA for a few months now and I was only in SF for a few days. It's taking me a little bit of time to get back into the groove of things. Not to mention, my studio is a mess right now since I just let all my luggage explode on the floor when I got back from SF.

It's not like I'm trying but my schedule has been rapidly filling up since I've been back. I've got dinner plans every night this week and even weekend plans for friends to come visit me too! And I thought I was just going to have a nice relaxing week back. More time to veg and just binge of Trader Joe's snacks after work everyday. Guess I don't have that luxury this week.

Becoming a Night Owl:
I've been sleeping WAY late lately, like around 11:30-12ish. There was even one night I slept at 1am! This might be normal for people my age, but it's definitely very abnormal for me! I am still trying to wake up all early at 6am! This is insane! I am not getting enough sleep! What is happening to me? I don't even know why I stay up so late. Last night I stayed up to finish eating 3 bags of candy and some macaroons! And I wonder why I feel like I'm uncontrollably gaining weight. Geez.

Reading:
Ok, brace yourself, because I was even surprised when I realized what I was saying or doing. I actually want to read more. *gasps* See, I can't believe I am even typing these words in my blog! I requested going to a book store when I was in SF, I was really considering buying a few books at the airport when I was waiting to board, I actually went to a book store when I was in SF, I even borrowed some books from my bookworm friend to being back to LA to read! Who am I?? How did I develop this new taste for books? Is this just a phase? Hmm...what a mystery. I must be going through some weird quarter life feminine hormonal changes. Next thing you know I'm going to be going to art show openings or sipping coffee at a local cafe, wearing berets and stuff (oh wait, I kinda already did start wearing beret-like hats! OMG!)

Birthdays on Skype:
This morning I was unfortunately greeted with Skype notification as soon as I turned on my computer:

"It's *****'s Birthday today!"

Excellent.....great to know. I didn't even know Skype did such things like remind you when people have birthdays. Isn't that what facebook is for? Isn't Skype just used to video chat and make cheap international phone calls? Why is it sending me such glaring reminders of things I don't want to remember?