Tummy ache

I woke up at 5:30am with a big tummy ache. I'm wondering if it's the Chipotle I had last night. I tried to go back to sleep but I wasn't super successful since my tummy hurt so much. I probably shouldn't have had double servings of guacamole last night. I just hope my tummy settles down soon. It's very scary going to work and feeling like you need to dash to the restroom every 30 seconds. I just need to calm down too, I think worrying about it is making it worse and making me anxious. I'm just going to take deep breaths and try to get through the day.

So after I woke up at 5:30, I tried to go back to sleep but wasn't able to, it's because of my tummy AND because I was having all these flash backs to when I was back in grad school. Most of the memories of me in my different apartments and how sad I was when my BF dumped me. I remember it rained a lot there and I was always look out the window and just cry and cry. It's making me really sad to relive those memories. So I'm not starting this morning with a very good vibe :( But life must go on, so I'm going to try to just shake off all those bad memories and have a good day :)

To answer your questions from the last post:
1. Yes, I do feel like Frozen mirrors my relationship with my brother. It's perfectly encapsulated in that song "Do you want to build a snowman". Expect we've never built a snowman together but it's core of the song that I think is similiar to my brother and I.
2. I know what you mean about just splurging and buying the bag for myself. John was talking to me last night and told me that his neice just spent $5,000 on a new purse, so in respect, $300 is not that bad. But I'm just not one of those girls to splurge on things like that. Food, yes....clothes and accessories, No. LoL. But maybe I will surprise myself and buy it anyway. I'm on the brink of doing it...on the brink....*SCREAMS   OMG! I just checked and it's not on sale anymore :(

*BIG TEAR DROPS ROLLING DOWN FACE   T_T

Frozen

Hello Friend!

I had a dental appointment this morning. I got a filling and a cleaning. It was GREAT! I love dental procedures and getting your face numbed! I especially love cleanings. Although I really think my teeth got more eroded or something because they are more sensitive now. Before I could withstand anything but I had to really hold back from jumping from the pain today when they were doing the cleaning. That's ok, I like the pain...well, some of it, not when it's too intense, only when it's enough for me to feel it but not squeel in pain. So, to a small extent, I do admit to being a masochist.

I got an email yesterday that said the bugs in my apartment has spread and they are fumigating my apartment AGAIN today. Isn't that crazy?? I had to pack everything up yesterday AGAIN and prep for another fumigation. The email said they would be here from 9-11am but I just went to check on my apartment and it seems like no one has been there. Ugh. I don't know what games my apartment manager is playing but it's getting really annoying.

I watched Frozen last night. I really liked the movie. I wouldn't watch it again, but it was good. Did you watch it? I think it has a good message. But what Disney movie doesn't have a good message right? I can't believe Kristen Bell's the character Anna. She's really good. I didn't ever think she was talented at all, but after watching this movie, I think I'm a fan. I like how it's so easy to fall in love on Disney movies...it's like two people bump into each other, they eye contact, they fall in love, and the next scene is them getting married. It's crazy and unrealistic!

Talkinga bout marriage, did I tell you how my BF's mom worked out the logistics of the wedding already? They want the ceremony in the morning in our home town and then drive up to a city 2 hours away to have the reception there. That sounds CRAZY! A wedding is hectic enough as it is, don't need to drive 2 hours to another city to finish up the wedding there. OMG. And they drove up there and found a restaurant and asked exactly how many tables this restaurant can accommodate. They apparently need 20 tables just to themselves. That's NUTS. 20 tables is like 10 people each table, that's like 200 people already! I think everyone is jumping the gun. It's not like he's even purposed...or even talked about the ring. *shaking head in disbelief

I've been so busy lately, I haven't even had time to catch up on shows, or eat my food I have at home or READ! I haven't had time to even READ! OMG. That's terrible. I like to read a little before bed, but I've been getting home around my bedtime so I've had no time.

I keep thinking about that beautiful bag that you showed me. It's so pretty. I need a miracle for my BF to get me that bag. Well, to be honest, I kinda don't want him to get it, because then I feel like I'm a gold digger. I want to be able to purchase it on my own and feel like an "independent woman". haha. Maybe when my loans are all paid off, it'll be out of season and out of style so it'll be really cheap and I can buy it. Haha.

Cutie Pies!

I don't remember if I told you this but I these are my new babies:


Haha, I know what you are thinking...I'm crazy...but the truth is, I've never purchased a single one of these ty beanie boos...they have all been gifts, so I like to look at it as I'm well loved and people like to shower me gifts rather than I'm eventually going to turn into that "cat lady" but with these stuffed animals. Haha.

So the lamb we are naming Bubble, short for bubble gum. The bunny we are naming Antenna. And the panda we are naming Oreo.

I know! SO CUTE RIGHT?!?!?! :)

Drama drama go away

It's Monday again. The weekends always pass by so quickly. Well, I guess weekdays do too but in a different way. I've been so busy this weekend I haven't even had time to spend with myself. I didn't have time to lounge around, or time to watch TV on my own. Geez, I need to get a less active social life. I'm probably the only person that would ever complain about something like that. I barely even had any time in my apartment. I just went back to shower and sleep, that was about it! *sighs

That bag you sent me is soooo pretty but soooo expensive. I've seen my coresident wear it and I do really like it. The little time I did have to myself this weekend, I spent looking at the purse. Then I forwarded it to my BF hahaha. We'll see what happens since my Bday is coming up hahah :)

I told my friend John about what was going on with my ex BF and my current BF. So did I tell you that my BF is actually kinda upset about me talking to my ex again? He didn't talk to me this weekend and didn't pick up my calls when I tried to call and he didn't call me back...anyways, it was a mess. So when I told John about what I had been doing, he gave me a talking to, like a father would. And he showed me how wrong it was and everything so I texted my ex immediately and told him I'm dating someone and then that was over. I told my BF and he was happy and we can all get on with our lives. So crazy how easily you can stir up drama in your life. *rolls eyes

So ther was a fair here this weekend, but I didn't end up going. Seemed kind of lame. I mean, I guess you would only go to the fair for rides and food, but I wasn't interested in the fatty foods and I wasn't interested in the dangerous rides and I don't have a cute little baby/todler to bring to enjoy the fair with, or even a significant other for that matter...so it was a bust. And I didn't go. I was just lame. But even though I didn't go, I was still super busy and constantly doing something this weekend. Eeek.

I have a REALLY REALLY full schedule today and I've been dreading it the whole weekend......wish me luck as I try to tackle a plethora of patients that I'm sure all have a billion complaints that I have to address. *prays

Doctor's Day!

IT's Friday!

I'm excited because I supposedly got your package but I wasn't home, so they left it with the apartment manager, so I'll pick it up later today...hopefully if time permits. Thank you in advanced!

Yesterday was Doctor's day and everyone in the clinic was so kind to throw up a potluck party and gave us goody bags. One of my close co-workers got me another TY beanie BOO!!! A little baby panda! Awwwwwww...I know! So cute! The goody bag had this large container of trail mix, a water bottle, two pencils and a gift certificate to this restaurant. They made it Dr. Seuss theme and it was so wonderful! So nice of them! I'm really thankful for the staff being so kind! I'm REALLY touched. So so so sooooooooo nice! They also bought us these Uncle Sam hats and made us stand in a line and wear them together. It was pretty funny. It was all really nice though, all REALLY nice.

I dont' know why but I had been craving Chipotle for a long time, and yesterday I finally got some! It was delicious! So many calories but delicious! Worth every calorie! Well....sorta. I really should be losing some weight.

There's been this drauma going on at work, but I don't think I should openly blog about it, maybe I'll call you later about it. Oh, talking about calling. I saw your call yesterday and I really wanted to pick up but I was down to 2% battery life. Of course, by the end of your ringing, my phone died. I didn't get home until pretty late, I just charged my phone and fell asleep. I'm really sorry! I really did mean to call you back. So sorry!

Captain America is coming out! It looks good!! I think he's really cute...actually, cute makes him sound like a little stuffed animal or a little girl...I think he's really good looking :) I don't even really remember what his name is..Chris something?

Oh, to respond to your last blog post. Diego doesn't know I'm dating someone :( I know...so bad of me :( Didn't I tell you? I went on FB and removed my relationship status. I didn't want him to know and do the math and figure out that I was kinda see my BF at the same time I was see him. I can't believe I even did something like that. It's so unlike me. Ugh. It's a very slutty thing to do.

My brother didn't come home for his birthday. He didn't really celebrate with me this year :( I called him, texted him, FB posted and everything and he still hasn't gotten back to me. I don't know what he did to celebrate. I don't know what he's doing with his life anymore :( I found out from FB yesterday that he arrived at a hotel in LA and there was a girl in the picture. Who knows what's going on there :(  I don't like talking about my brother because it just makes me sad to know how far he's drifted from me. *sighs

I'm going to join a gym...I swear I'll do it soon...lol

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my Baby Brother today! I can't believe 20 years ago, today, he came into my life. I have been thinking a lot lately about my brother and how much I miss him. All those years of growing up together where I left him alone to go hang out with my friends and now it's my time to suffer. It's funny how life works out. When he was really fond of me and wanted to spend every waking moment with me, all I wanted to do was go spend time with my friends. And now that I've made my way back and want to spend time with him, all he wants to do is spend time with his friends. The irony. Or more like Karma. Label whatever you'd like, but that's how life is. It's kind of like that song, Cat's in the Cradle. Have you heard of that song? Here's the lyrics if you want to skim them in case you don't know the song:

My child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay,
He learned to walk while I was away.
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew,
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, yeh,
I know I'm gonna be like you".

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little Boy Blue and The Man In The Moon.
"When ya comin' home Dad?"
"I don't know when, we'll get together then, son,
Ya know we'll have a good time then".

Well my son turned 10 just the other day,
He said "Thanks for the ball Dad, come let's play.
Can ya teach me to throw?" I said
"Not today, I got a lot to do." He said "That's ok".
And then, he walked away but his smile never dimmed,
He said "I'm gonna be like him, yeh,
Ya know I'm gonna be like him".

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little Boy Blue and The Man In The Moon.
"When ya comin' home Dad?"
"I don't know when, we'll get together then, son,
Ya know we'll have a good time then".

Well he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son I'm proud of you, can ya sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
"What I'd really like Dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See ya later, can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little Boy Blue and The Man In The Moon.
"When ya comin' home son?"
"I don't know when, we'll get together then, Dad,
Ya know we'll have a good time then".

Well I've long since retired, my son's moved away,
I called him up just the other day.
I said "I'd like to see you, if you don't mind."
He said "I'd love to Dad, if I can find the time.
You see my new job's a hassle and the kids have the flu,
But it's sure nice talking to you Dad,
It's been sure nice talking to you."
And as he hung up the phone it occurred to me,
He'd grown up just like, my boy, was just like me.

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little Boy Blue and The Man In The Moon.
"When ya comin' home son?"
"I don't know when, we'll get together then, Dad,


So long story short, I can relate to this song. In this scenario, I'm the Dad and my brother is the son I guess. That might seem kinda weird, but I've always been more or less a mother figure to my brother, so this all makes sense. Well, I posted a facebook shoutout to him to wish him a happy birthday. I'm trying to reach out to him in little ways, hopefully he'll understand it and appreciate it.

I'm going to tell you this and you are going to think I'm crazy but I spent most of last Sunday crying. I was crying first because my mom was again asking/prying about my BF. Our plans, our plans, our plans, our plans...when we are going to get married, etc, etc, etc. Ugh. It's so frustrating. So the first half of the day was crying about that. The second half of the day was spent thinking about my brother and how sad this whole ironic situation is (how the tables have turned), and I went to old pictures of my brother and every time I saw a picture of us imbracing of him showing affection towards me I just bawled my eyes out. It was crazy. I can't explain it. I'm crying like he's dead or something. But I just have all these emotions of regret that I didn't cherish him more as a child and now it's too late because he's so all about his friends now.

In a sense, I want to stop this craziness, because I am really obsessing over this brother situation. But at the same time, I want to keep thinking about my brother because it takes my mind off of thinking about my BF. I don't want to keep thinking about how long it's going to take us to be together, physically and by law. If you catch my drift. I had a plan. I had a timeline of when I wanted to be married, have a child, buy a house, etc etc. I don't need my mom and grandma to be constantly on my back all the time, because I give myself a hard enough time about how I'm so many years behind my schedule. I think this situation is more upsetting than my brother's situation, so it's probably better I spend more time obsessing over my brother than my BF. Or maybe I should just learn to let things go and live life in the present and stop obsessing over things. If only it was so easy. If only I had a personality that allowed me to live a carefree life and let things go. I'm a dweller, it's what I do. I just dwell over things until I find something else to dwell over.

You know those WikiHow pages? I consulted one of those pages. The topic? "How to maintain a successful long distance relationship". I know. Pathetic right? It didn't really give me any real solid advice. Most of the advice was just like "trust them" and "don't smother them" and "don't interrogate them of where they have been or who they are hanging out with" and "you don't have to know where they are all the time" and blah blah blah. I basically violate ALL those rules BTW. I'm trying to convice my BF to download this app that allows me to track where he is all the time based on GPS through his phone. He refused of course. But he said that if I'm smart enough to figure out to steal his phone and figure out his passcode to get into his phone, I can am allowed to download the app without his consent. Considering I'm not a ninja or a computer hacker, I probably can't do either of those things. So that's just giving me false hope.

So apprently there is this girl that liked my BF last year, around the same time when we reconnected. She was calling him a lot, which is funny because he was trying to call me a lot. Haha. So he got fed up and just told her really bluntly one day "I don't like you, stop calling me, I don't want to talk to you anymore". HARSH right? OMG, I think if I were that girl, I would just DIE! So he told me that he said that to her, just very recently, and I told him that he needs to contact her and say he's sorry. He was hesitant and he thought about a few days and then he finally did it. He emailed her and she responded on gchat and forgave him. I feel really good about that. I feel like I did something nice for someone I don't even know and I probably made her day. It's like I just completed a circle of kindness. But now my BF is always joking round claiming that she wants to get back together with him and I just glare at him. But of course, this is on the phone, so it just comes out as silence as I glare into the phone, which is sort of useless.

So I'm starting to talk my ex BF more on gchat as well. You know last night he offered to pay half my airfare so I will go visit him? I didn't think too much about it but when I told my BF and he compared it to as if he invited a friend, that's a girl, up to visit him and he paid for half their air fare and then I realized, Yeah...that's not right. I should probably change my FB relationship status back to being "in a relationship" haha. It's probably misleading to have "single" on there.