It's my nightmare all over again!

Sorry our plans to visit each other are falling through. I will talk to my dad this weekend and get a better understanding about his work schedule.

I got in another fight with my BF last night. I know...another. This time it's about our distance apart. He's been bugging me pretty consistently about moving closer to him. I've agreed, but I've set a counter condition, "I will move to you if we are engaged or married". Knowing him, I should have known, but he said he's just not ready for marriage right now, and he's not really ready for an engagement either. So again, we run into our previous problems, he's just not committed to the level that I'm committed. How sad. I keep running into the same pothole and yet, I never learn.

I continued to explain to him that I don't mind moving to him, but I just want some sort of promise before I come that our relationship is solid. An engagement will give me that confidence. Assuming that things work out, then of course, it would be nice for me to move up and start a whole new life up there with him. But what if things don't work out. What if things fall apart like every other time we've tried to date each other? I quit my job and move across the U.S., and we break up, I'd have no job, no money, no insurance, no friends, no support, no place to stay, and a bunch of loans. That doesn't sound like a situation I want to be in. That just sounds plain scary. I'm not in college anymore, I'm not young and spontaneous, I'm mature (older) now. I need to plan and think things through. I can't just abandon everything and not have a back up plan. That's just irresponsible.

I tried to explain my side of the story to my BF but he seemed really defensive and angry. I felt like he didn't want to hear it and only wanted me to conceed to his desires for me to move up. I was a little angry about that, but more hurt than angry. I was so hurt that he wouldn't even stop to consider my situation. Don't get me wrong, I think it makes a lot more sense for me to move up there, I agree, and I'm willing to do it, but I just need a safety net. Is asking to be engaged too demanding of me? I mean, I am leaving everything I've established, everything I know to move over there to be with him. I just need to know it's for real, and I think an engagement would solidify that for me.

He then brought up how he's always hanging out with his friends and being a fifth wheel and how awkward that is for him. He really wants me to move up so he's not a fifth wheel anymore. Then it started to sound threatening when he said that he might start inviting another girl to come along, and if I let too much time pass then maybe he'll start falling for that girl and vise versa, then, it would ruin our relationship. And he talked about how as time passes, he might call me less and we'll talk less. Then we might get tired to travelling so far to see each other all the time. Which at that point, I interjected and said "I am the one that does all the travelling, so you mean I am going to get tired of travelling up there to see you??" He responded with "it's just annoying to see eachother for just a little bit ever so often".

I don't know what to do anymore. My nightmare is happening again! This whole issue of him not committing as much as I'm committed, it's HAPPENING AGAIN!!!!!! Maybe I should just cut my losses with him.

I told my HS friend about this and she agrees with me that he's being selfish and I should totally look out for my interests too.

I told this other guy that I knew in HS that I recently started talking to again, and he agrees with me too and he's a GUY!

I'm very frustrated. And of course, my Ex-BF always happens to gchat me after I've had a fight with my BF. And he's trying to convince me to get out of this relationship. Ugh. I'm lost. Does everyone else have this many problems with their relationships or is it just me???