The last 24 hours were packed full of emotions and here's why:
Darkness:
After I stopped blogging last night, I went out and got a "get well card" and a bakery item for my technician, to wish her a speedy recovery. That was all fine, but about 10 mins after I got home...DARKNESS. With a blink of an eye, it was pitch black. My entire complex had lost electricity. It was so dark inside and outside that I couldn't see 1 inch in front of my face! I struggled and fumbled around for a few minuets, frantic and scared. I tripped over a few things trying to get over to the window and open the blinds to let some light in. Couldn't make it, too dark, couldn't see anything. I kicked something, knocked over something else and almost fell. I began to panic. This was all too terrifying!! I finally got to the window, opened the blinds, but it didn't help. There were no lights coming from anywhere, it was still pitch black.
*heavy breathing *panic *frantic *terrified
I'm bitterly reminded of the fact that I'm most terrified of the dark. Not knowing what or who is there. Not being able to see what is front of me. I've only been through a few blackouts in my life and all were very unpleasant but at least my family was around. But here, I'm >200 miles away from my friends and family, I'm all alone here, I'm defenseless. I have to admit, I broke down a little bit because of how terrified I was. Not going to give too much detail but let's just say there were some tears and the end result was me curled up in a fetal position. After what seemed like 3 days (I'm sure it wasn't that long...) I composed myself and remembered that I left my cell phone somewhere on the kitchen table. Still in pitch black, I felt my way back to the kitchen table and searched with my hands. Searched, searched, searched. When I finally found my phone, I turned on the screen and it offered a low, eerie glow which lighted up the room just enough to make it look like a horror movie. JUST PERFECT right? At that time I remembered that my dad gave me a flashlight ("Just in case Amiee" he said when he gave it to me). "Thank you Dad!" ran through my mind. I remember I stuffed it somewhere in my backpack. Now to retrieve it using my eerie phone monitor as a light source. When I got into my room and found my backpack I started to dig. Dig, dig, dig. Nothing, I couldn't find it! I began to panic and tears were brimming in my eyes again. Questions like "How long is this going to last? Am I going to have to spend the rest of the night like this? Is someone going to take this opportunity to break into my apartment and steal my stuff or murder me? Is my a ghost going to pop out of my walls and kill me???"
Just when I thought all hope is lost, I found my flash light! Before I could even click it on, the lights turned back on. And just like that, my nightmare was over. I don't like to admit how afraid I am of the dark, but I don't think I can deny that last night is going to be added to my top 10 most scariest experiences of my entire life! As pathetic as I sound to some people that may have gone through scarier and more traumatic experiences, it's all relative. Darkness is my Achilles Heel, so being in the dark by MYSELF was super super SUPER terrifying to me and I hope it doesn't happen again!!
To make matters worse, somewhere between all this craziness I tried calling my boyfriend and he wouldn't pick up my phone call because it wasn't after 9pm (when he gets free mins). *rolls eyes I could have been chased by an ax murder or be on my death bed and he refused to pick up the phone to hear my voice for the last time!! Ok, that's a bit over the top and exaggerated because I wasn't getting sawed in half or dying, but it would have still been nice for him to pick up the phone to make sure I'm ok and safe. Geez.
Patient Encounters:
Here are a couple of interesting patient encounters from today I'd like to share:
Patient #1 (P1): How old are you?
Me: 27
P1: You look like a little kid
Me: um...thanks?
P1: You're not married?
Me: Nope
P1: What are you waiting for? Time's ticking! You need to find yourself someone! You don't want to be like Halle Berry and have her first child when you are 47. You figure the kid will stay in your house until at least 18, let's round up to 20, so that means she's going to be 67 by the time the kid leaves her house. Is that what you want to happen to you? Do you want to be 67 before your child leaves your house??
Me: No sir.
P1: Good, now go find yourself a man and get married. Are you engaged?
Me: No
P1: Go find yourself a boyfriend!
Me: I have a boyfriend
P1: Good! Go hassle him to get married! You're not getting any younger! Come on!
Me: My mom reminds me that everyday
P1: Go, get on the phone with him and tell him you two need to get married and start a family right now
Me: ok...I'll get it on it, let me add that to the list of things I want to talk to him about tonight
P1: Good.....so you really 27? You look like a little kid.
Patient #2 (P2): Are you Korean?
Me: No. Do I look Korean to you?
P2: I don't know, I'm not very good at telling if someone's Korean or...whatever that other country is....Taiwan? Am I saying that right?
Me: Yes
P2: So are you Taiwan?
Me: No, Taiwan's the country, I think you mean Taiwanese.
P2: So you are Taiwanese?
Me: No, I'm Chinese
P2: OH!! *tries to speak Mandarin
Me: I don't know what you're saying, I'm sorry
P2: You are Chinese and you can't speak Chinese?
Me: No, I'm sorry, let's resume your exam shall we?
P2: Are you born here?
Me: No, I'm born in China
P2: Where in China?
Me: 2 hours away from Hong Kong
P2: OH, I know Hong Kong
Me: Yes, you and the rest of the world I'm sure has heard of Hong Kong.
P2: You are born in China and you can't speak Chinese?
Me: NO. Let's start the exam.
Patient #3: Where's your license? I don't see it on the wall. Are you sure you are a doctor?
Me: Yes
P3: But you look so young, are you a resident or a student?
Me: No
P3: Are you sure? You can tell me.
Me: NO.
Patient #4: I've been married twice. The first marriage fell apart, it wasn't great at all. The second marriage was great. I met her at work. She was my boss' daughter actually. When I met her, she was with her first husband. Terrible guy. He would beat the sh*t out of her if she was 5 mins late getting home. So she left him and we got married. It was wonderful. Until I lost her 18 years ago. She fought the cancer battle, she lost. But I think it's for the best anyway, it was really getting the best of her. The cancer spread and it was all long her lymph nodes along her neck, her lower jaw, her gums, teeth...everything. She had to take out her lymph nodes on her neck, her entire lower jaw line. She had to have so many reconstructive surgeries using cadavers. But after a year, it deteriorated and she had to get surgery again, and around the same time, the cancer came back. Her teeth turned all black and we decided it was time to stop cutting her open and just let her go. I had to pull the plug on her. It was really tough. I mean, if it was up to me, I would have done anything to keep her alive, but she was just in so much pain. It was for her own good. There isn't a single moment that I don't miss her. She was so special to me. She was there to support me through everything that I did. *starts to tear up* I do really miss her. I wish we had more time together.......*tears up*............and this is exactly why you need to get married and find someone that makes you feel that way. Life is short, go out and make it worth something.
Through the years, I've been hassled numerous times to get married and find that special someone from so many patients, but this is surely the most convincing argument anyone has ever given me. It does really make me realize how short life is and how I should seize the day. This story also reminded me of a special friend that is also going through her own battle with health. I'm sorry I can't be there for you physically, but I'm here for you in other ways. I'll always be there to support you when you need it. Don't hesitate to call, text, gchat or skype me. *Big hugs*
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