Youth

She didn't come into work today. I'm talking about my technician.

Another sad, stressful day.

I got overbooked this morning too. Had to do TWO jobs, all while getting jammed packed with patients. Oh goodness.

I seriously was sincerely scared this morning when I was dealing with this one patient that had some complications. I made a judgment call, ending up it wasn't a good idea, and then I got screwed. I had to keep him in clinic for 2+ hours, continually treating him with meds in hopes he would get better. I'm trying to assess my actions....if I had to do the whole thing over, would I have done anything differently? The answer is no. Now I'm thinking...oh no, is my way of treating patients wrong? Or was I taught wrong? Or was I even taught what to do in these situations? I don't know, I can't remember. My memory is terrible. My attention span is even worse.

I remember this one year when I was probably 8 or 9 years old (I don't remember, surprise surprise) but I sat there for a good 10 mins trying to figure out how old I was. I guess I was too dumb to just subtract the current year from my birth year. I remember sitting on the couch and thinking "how old am I? Last year, I think I had the number 8 on my birthday cake...or was that the year before? Did I even celebrate my birthday last year? I think I'm 9 this year...wait, that can't be right....man, if I'm 9, I'm getting so OLD! I'm gonna be almost 10. Whoa"

Yup, it happened. And the sad part was, it happened again when I was 22 or 23 (again, I don't remember). I just remember sitting down and trying to recall how I celebrated my birthday the year before and then I realized I don't remember I old I am. It freaked me out again, but luckily, during my early 20's I was smart enough to do the math and I figured it out real fast.

The most current example, a few weeks ago when my boyfriend tricked me and told me I was 28 this year. That thought was really frightening. "28?? OMG! I'm going to be 29 next year?? Meaning I'm going to be 30 soon??? OMG!!!" But then I calmed down and realized it was just a cruel joke my boyfriend was playing on me. You'd think I'd feel better that I'm not 28, but being 27 is awfully close. That means I will be 28 SOON. *shivers

Aside from "You look really young!" and "You're not married?? Why not?? You really should get married soon!", the other more common comment I get from my patients is "Don't grow old." What solid advice. I really wish I could actually take that advice. But like, everyone in the world, I'm subjected to the wrath of time. Tick tock, tick tock, I'm just getting older as each second, minuet, hour rolls by. Now I know why the make-up industry is so big. I finally understand why women are willing to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars slathering creams/oils on their face and undergoing dangerous surgical procedures to "preserve" their youth. It's just matter of time before I transform myself into one of those aging youth-obsessed women. Or maybe, I'm already one of them, but just in the closet about it.

I need to start a tally of patients that think I'm a little kid. I had another comment today about how I looked like a little kid and the patient didn't believe I am the doctor. I know I should really take it as a compliment, maybe 10 years down the road, I'm going to WISH people think I look young and I'll re-read these blog entries about me complaining and kick myself.

I'm so conflicted, I want to stay young but I don't want patients to think I'm a little kid. I'm just a typical women, I just want it all and nothing every satisfies me.

I'm really happy tomorrow is Friday. This has been a LONG week without my tech. LONG week indeed.

Sorry this blog is so random but I think my thoughts are just scattered right now since I'm so tired. Will write again soon dear friend. And I'll try to be more organized next time. Until then, take care!