Hello (again)!

Salutations everyone!

I'm BACK, due to popular demand!!! And by popular, I mean ONE devoted friend/fan that actually likes to read my blog and cares about what I rant about :) This is for you... <3

Can you believe it's been 10 months since I've blogged? I can't say why I stopped blogging...maybe my life actually got busy and interesting so I didn't have time to blog! Now that it's back to being slow and boring, I guess I have time to blog again....so essentially I think that means not blogging is probably a better thing. The other possibility is that I just got lazy. I even stopped yelping :( I know, bad me. But I'd like to think I stopped blogging because of the first reason and not the second...even though I think it's mainly the second.

Let's play catch up! There's so much to update you on!

Since January....hmmm...what's happened since then?

Dating Adventures:
Well, around January, I met this guy that I dated for about 3 months. Now I know what you are thinking, three months...so what? But this was really different, it got really serious, REALLY FAST. Now you probably know, I'm ALL ABOUT COMMITMENT and getting that RING, but this was a little too much commitment, TOO FAST, even for me. Anyways, I met his parents and he met mine, attending a graduation, endless planning for a wedding and a life together, he moved away for work and I ended things. It was really tough, just because he was so devoted to me (and I think really adored me) but I had to do it. It just didn't feel right! I felt suffocated and smothered. My mom does plenty of that, I don't need someone else doing that to me too! OH THE IRONY!! I always felt so neglected in my last relationship that I always thought I would be happy with someone that smothers and suffocates me....guess not. It turns out that you don't always know what you want. IRONY.

So I digress.

 Near of end of this crazy/serious relationship...meaning, it WASN'T over yet...I started talking to my EX again. Now don't get me, HE called ME! I wasn't the one that reached out and contacted him. But I guess I could have done a better job of implementing some sort "friendship distance" between us so we didn't get so close. I ended up talking to him every night and it got to the point I felt like we were dating. But that's weird because I was already dating someone else. Even though that relationship was on the rocks, STILL, I was dating someone else. So...try not to overstep the boundaries of ADULTERY (is it even considered that when you aren't married?), I confronted my ex one night and asked him why we were talking so much each night and what he was trying to get out of this. I expected him to say "just wanted to be good friends again" but what came out was very different. "I want to date you again, I want to get back together" WHOA! Where did that come from?? And just like that. BAM! ADULTERY!

So at that point, I had to decide, who am I going to chose? An ex that has repeatedly hurt me over and over and over again, or a new guy that adores me but suffocates/smothers me? I know, neither optioned looked that great, but that was all I had. You would think I would go with the new guy and just try to work things out and see how it goes...but no, I broke things off with him and then jumped back in a dysfunctional relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I know, crazy.

So far, it's been tough, because we are long distance, but it's been ok. Considering our dating history and how rocky it was, it's been really good so far. This is probably our best run. He hasn't cheated on me, he's committed (or seems so anyway), he actually seems like he wants to be in a relationship with me and likes me...I'd say those are all really good things so far. The only downfall....LONG DISTANCE! To see each other, I practically have to travel a WHOLE day to get to him. And he hasn't even came to visit me yet (since he thinks his work is WAY more demanding, so I always have to go to him). It's a day long of renting a car, driving 3 hours, getting to the airport, since there are no direct flights, I always have to take TWO flights with a long layaway in between, so the plane rides take like 5-6hours!! It's quiet an adventure getting to him. I've done it like 3 or 4 times now? It's making me really hate travelling. HATE it.

But like I said, aside from this crazy travelling to get to each other, it's been good so far. No complaints in the love life aspect (FINALLY!).


Hong Kong Aunt:
So when I studied abroad in HK, my mom contacted this long lost friend that lives in HK to take care of me during my time there. *rolls eyes* I know, that's how my mom is...overly protective. Anyways, I ended up getting pretty close to my mom's friend and I call her my HK Aunt. She's really cool, she doesn't have any kids, so I feel like she pseudo-adopted me  as her daughter. Which I wouldn't mind, because she's so cool. She lost her husband shortly after I left HK, but she found a BF (very fast....kinda fishy....) and now they live together. So the reason I'm digging up this history is because she came to visit earlier this year in April! It was AMAZING! I was so happy to see her again and vise versa! I brought her around LA and SD. I even took her Universal Studios! It was great! I really enjoyed seeing her again. She made me download this WeChat app on my phone so we can talk to each other. It's almost like text messaging, but you can record your voice. That works out for us because she can't read English and I can't read Chinese so voice recording is the solution! I really like it, I "chat" with her all the time. I'm glad I have some way to keep in contact with her :)


After Residency
I think I might kind of being going out of chronological order, but bare with me, I have a lot of grounds to cover. So I finally finished residency this year...graduated...sad goodbyes and moved out of my LA apartment. Before I graduated, I accepted a job offer and was really excited about it. So I packed up my life (again) and moved out into the middle of nowhere, a desert in the middle of nowhere, to be exact. I really didn't think much of it when I accepted the job offer. I was just happy to have a job and to get paid. I didn't even consider other things like if I would like this place I'm moving to or what the quality of my life would be here. Lesson learned.......I should have considered those things.

Don't get me wrong, this job is great, I have good benefits, everyone at the clinic is great and really nice, but I'm in the middle of nowhere, I have no car, I have no friends here, I feel like I got dropped off here to die. Well, maybe not die but at least to wither and wallow away. I don't know what makes me so depressed here. Is it that it's >100 deg outside and I have to stay inside so I don't suffer a heat stroke? Is it because I have no friends here to hang out with or do anything? Is it because there's nothing to do here so even if I had friends we wouldn't be doing anything? Is it that I don't have a car so I can't even drive out to meet up with friends (if I had some) or go home on weekends to escape the heat here? Is it because my apartment creeps me out and gives me the heebee jeebees? Is it because I have a 24hr fitness gym membership but the closest 24hr fitness is 3 hours away? Is it because there's no Ikea, Trader Joes, or Costco here? I don't know.....maybe it's a combination of ALL those things!! I never actually thought I'd say this, but I do miss LA and the life I had in LA. Yes, traffic sucked there but at least I had friends, places to go, things to do, I had a life. Now look at me, on days that I don't go to work, I don't even leave my apartment. I could just not shower, lay on my couch, watch TV all day, and eat...just let myself go. Who cares, there's no one to see, I'm not going outside! So what if I smell, not a big deal, no one to impress. My boyfriend is >500miles away. That's basically my mentally on weekends. So thank goodness I have to go to work and keep up with hygiene...or else I'd probably be 500lbs and smelly.


Weekends:
Now hearing about how I pass my weekends here in the middle of nowhere...it's understandable that I try not to stay here as much as I can possibly help it. A few weekends ago, I got to go to Phoenix with my bestie and we enjoyed a nice weekend getaway and a Sarah Barellis/One Republic Concert together. It was really nice hanging out together since she lives far away too and we don't always get the chance to hang out together.

On selective weekends, I've been driving home to escape my mundane life here.

Then sometimes, I get to go travel an entire day and visit my boyfriend. He lives in a vibrant city with so much life and excitement! I do love going there. I just came back from an 8 day vacation up there. I know, I know...I just started my job and I took an 8 day vacation up there to visit him. I basically can't take anymore days off for the rest of the year...or may be even the rest of my career here at this clinic. I'm in the negative for annual leave and I'm going to be in the negative for a LONG time! No time off for Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years! Was it worth it? I'd like to think so, or at least I'd like to convince myself I think so. Hahaha. I did have a nice time up there. One of my San Jose Buddies flew up to visit me that weekend too so it was nice seeing him and catching up. He's going to be announcing really HAPPY news soon! I'm very very happy and excited for him!! Can't wait to hear the good news!!! :)

So...this past trip to visit my on again off again boyfriend....it rained EVERY day, but since it's not >100 deg weather, I LOVED it. I was super cold, my shoes were soaked all the time, I didn't get to do very outdoor activities, but I still LOVED it! Because I'm not sweating, alone, and abandoned! :) After a talk down with my boyfriend, he even took 2 days off to spend with me while I was there. Even though most of the time, we were just indoors, watching movies, TV, reading, and cooking, it was still fun to do those things with him. It almost simulated what I would imagine our married to be. And if that's how married life is, it's not too bad. It's a little boring, but that's ok, I'm not that exciting anyway. Simple low key hanging out works for me. Now....all I have to do is escape from this desert prison and I'll be free to live the life I want! All in due time....


Babies:
I hate to admit this, but I think I'm baby crazy. My cousin announced that she was pregnant earlier this year and I think she's due in November? Not sure...not that close with her. But even though I'm totally not that close with her...and I never really even liked her that much, when I found out she was having a baby, I was THRILLED!!!! Can't believe a cute little baby is going to join our extended family!!! I'm so excited!! I was invited to her baby shower this coming weekend (THANK GOD I HAVE A REASON TO GO HOME!) and I went shopping for some baby things yesterday (yes, I actually went outside, but I looked and smelled like crap). I LOVED all the baby stuff!!!! SOOOOO CUTE!!! I wanted to BUY EVERYTHING!!!! I can't wait until I have a baby!!! Then I can smother it with all these cute baby caps, mittens, jumpers, shoes, toys, blankets, EVERYTHING you can possibly think of!!!!

I did this crazy pencil test that predicted I'm going to have TWO daughters and at first I was a little disappointed because I'm Chinese and traditional Chinese people want sons....blah blah blah, but I looked at all the baby stuff yesterday and all the baby girl things were SOOOOO much cuter than the baby boy stuff, so I think I'm cool with baby girls!!! And that way they can share clothes, hair/make up tips and be SUPER close to each other!!! It's going to be great! I have my expectations set SO high right now...I should probably lower them to realistic standards but I'm SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW!! BABIES!!!


Alright...probably not the best way to end this blog...on the high note that I'm crazy for babies and I have unrealistic expectations of what life is going to be like when I'm a mother...but I think I'm all blogged out for now. I promise I will update more often so there will be more JUICY details and not just general overviews of things. I do LOVE writing about my interesting patient encounters, so stay tuned for that. So far, most of my interesting tid bits with my patients are their sincere PLEAS begging me to stay and not leave this place. Most of my patients tell me that most doctors leave here after a year because they don't like it here. Hmm....I wonder why.......Sometimes I tell my patients "everyone looks great, I'll see you in a year for your annual exam!" and then secretly in my head, I'm thinking "will I even be here in a year?" I don't know, I don't want to jump ship so quickly, but I'm really not having a party out here. As in the words of popular Broadway musical: Annie, "It's a hard knock life for me" out here.

Wow, I written quite an essay, hope you enjoyed reading it, my one blogging fan :)