An Engagement Ring?

Another chilly, cold day. But doesn't matter to me, I've been indoors working most of the day. Everyone tells me it's suppose to be the most wonderful time of the year here right now and I just think it's COLD, BORING, and the days are so SHORT that it's dark when I got to work and it's DARK when I get off....so basically just depressing. I don't know why they think it's that great this time of year here. I was promised 70deg weather! Everyone told me winters here are suppose to be like summers from my hometown but I beg to differ!! Winters here are like winters elsewhere! IT's COLD! It's like around 40degs!

I woke up this morning as a happy camper! It's been weeks since I've woken up completely pain free and 100% mobile!! I was able to get up right away! No pain at all! It was amazing!!! I must really had some inflammation or something but that ibuprofen really did the job! I didn't even have to take one this morning! Taking ONE pill yesterday was sufficient! OMG, I don't know why I didn't do this earlier? I've really got to be crazy to have endured SO much pain for SO long without medicating myself!! I remember when I was back in High School and it first started, there were a few days that I was in a so much pain, I couldn't get out of a bed and any subtle movement would leave me in tears. The pain just shoots down my entire leg and I'm in excruciating pain within milliseconds. I can't move, I don't want to move, I can't do anything but grit my teeth together and clinch my fists and try to breathe through the pain. That's actually what I had to do just several days ago. The pain is so unbearable, it made me not want to live anymore. If living meant living through that much pain, it wasn't worth it. I'm so glad you convinced me to medicate myself. I'm going to carry ibuprofen with me everywhere now. This is a godsend!!!

This reminds me of a conversation I had with my BF recently:
me: if I ever fall into an a coma, please pull the plug on me
BF: What?? Why?? What if you had a high chance of waking up.
me: Ok, fine, if I'm ever in an a coma for more than a week, just pull the plug.
BF: You can still wake up after a week! How about I check with the doctors and if they tell me your chances of waking up are slim then I'll pull the plug.
me: ehh..ok, fine. But even if it's one of those things where they don't know, I might wake up, I might not, they aren't sure what the chances are, and it's been..eh...more than a week, just pull the plug.
BF: Ummm...ok.
me: I don't want to be a vegetable, taking up valuable hospital space and resources!
BF: But what if we have kids and you might wake up.
me: Stop making it complicated, just pull the plug.
BF: Fine.
me: Good. :)  Oh and just to let you know, if I ever get cancer, I'm just going to let it go, I'm not going to go through chemo or radiation or anything.
BF: What?? What if it's just a little cancer.
me: fine, little cancer, maybe. But if it's a big type of cancer, I'm not going to do it. Oh, and if I ever lose a limb or something, just kill me.
BF: OMG, you have so little will to survive. I don't know if marrying you is a good idea.
me: Hahaha.........wait...are you serious??
BF: *no comment*

**In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have showed him how little will power I have in surviving :(

I went onto the Navy/Marine/Air force base tonight! How exciting! You need a special military ID card and a pass on your car and everything! Of course I don't have one, but my tech did! She took me onto the base and it felt all official and special! I got to go to their "store" there and shop around for stuff. I'm getting a few things for my secret santa. I'm up to 4 items already. I'm only suppose to spend like $20 but I've really spent like $40. Yeah, I'm going above my budget, but I really hope he likes all my gifts! The big unveiling is tomorrow!!! I'm really excited! My secret santa has been so thoughtful and amazing so far! I got some really nice lotion (from bath and body works) and a really cute electric candle today (because I'm clumsy and would probably set my apartment on fire if I had a real candle). Anyways, I have really enjoyed my gifts so far! I think I'm going to get something amazing tomorrow! Well, I shouldn't have high expectations...I should just keep them lowered, so anything will make me happy :)

I took my tech and her foster child out to dinner tonight to thank her for taking me out on base. Guess where we went? Yes.....to Olive Garden. Haha. I swear that's the only decent restaurant here because that's where I keep eating my dinners with people when we go out. Haha. Yes, there's so many options out here, it's overwhelming. LoL. It was really nice meeting her foster child. Makes me really want a child of my own. I know, I know...I'm baby crazy. *rolls eyes

That reminds me of a conversation I had with my boyfriend.

BF: I got you a Christmas gift, I just ordered it
me: What is it??
BF: I can't tell you! It'll ruin the surprise! Just wait for it to get there!
me: Can you give me a clue?? Give me a clue! Let me guess!
BF: OK... it's black
me: an engagement ring????
BF: a black engagement ring?? NO. It's something practical.
me: a car???
BF: ..........no. Be real.
me: a snuggie??
BF: Yea! It's a snuggie!
me: you LIE! Snuggies don't come in BLACK! I know this for a FACT!!!
BF: haha, ok, it's not a snuggie.
me: something black and practical...hangers?
BF: hangers? really?
me: no joke, someone got me hangers one year for secret santa.
BF: NO.
me: Frames?
BF: what?
me: like for glasses, black rimmed frames! I love glasses! And they are practical!
BF: no!! I wouldn't even know if the glasses fit on your face or look good on your face...no!
me: shoes??
BF: I don't even know your shoe size!!
me: It's the SAME AS YOUR SHOE SIZE!!!
BF: Oh right...well, I didn't even remember that!
me: I give up.
BF: so fast? I thought you wanted to guess.
me: I did guess. I give up, just tell me. Is it an engagement ring?
BF: It's black and practical, an engagement ring is NEITHER.
me: If it's not an engagement ring then my mom's going to be disappointed and if she's disappointed then I'm going to be disappointed, it's just a vicious cycle.
BF: Fine, it's an engagement ring?
me: REALLY? OMG! Why did you tell me? Now you ruined the surprise!! Why did you get a BLACK engagement ring? Do they even really come in that color???
BF: Haha, jk, it's not.
me: awwwwwwwww *sad face

* I couldn't tell because we were on the phone but I'm pretty sure he rolled his eyes at me.

The conversation just fizzled out and we talked about something else but there's still a part of me that's super sad it's not an engagement ring *sad face

I talked to my tech about that tonight. How I feel like I'm super behind. A lot of friends I see on facebook have kids already!! And they are at least a few years old! Not just newborn babies!! And I'm not even married yet!! My tech looks so young and she told me she already has 7 grandchildren. Not children of her own, but GRANDCHILDREN. That's crazy!! She said that if she had a choice, she would have gone to school and gotten a higher education. She actually envies me. But when it comes down to it, I envy her. She has so many loved ones. So many kids and grandkids to love. And me...none. What does a diploma on a piece of paper give me? Living in an apartment in the middle of nowhere, getting worked to death everyday overloading my schedule with way too many patients, and dinners alone. Yes, that's what it got me. No one to greet in the morning when I wake up. No one to greet in the evenings when I go home. No one to greet at night before I go to bed. No one to share my fear with as I live in an apartment way too big for myself to ever feel comfortable in. Why did I ever think it was a good idea to live in a TWO bedroom apartment ALONE??? Someone should I have told me it's a TERRIBLE IDEA. Not only do I not have enough stuff/furniture to fill BOTH rooms, but now I have double the space to clean and be fearful that someone's hiding/lurking in some unused space in my apartment, just waiting for me to fall asleep and then slit my throat when I least suspect it!! Ok, so I'm a little paranoid and lonely here. Just a little.

I'm really glad you can leave comments now! Now I actually feel like I'm writing to someone. Like someone is actually reading this. And I'm not just blogging to someone unknown person without knowing if this gets read. That doesn't mean you have to leave a comment ALL the time. Just sporadically is sufficient :)

Boy, it's 8:00pm. It's getting late. I think I'm going to get ready for bed and call it a night, since my life so exciting here. I have to check all the crawl spaces for potential killers and ninjas before I sleep. It takes a while to check all the corners of the apartment. Haha. Good night!