Saturday, November 30, 2013

Thanks Thanks Thanks

IT's Sunny. Warm. But what else would you expect from my hometown?

Musical Remedy: 
Yes, I'm home this weekend. I took some time off next week to attend my mom's friend's funeral. Still kinda shocked this is all happening. Hard to believe that this is reality. If it's hard for me, it's gotta be a million times worse for the family going through it all. I texted her son on Thanksgiving wishing him a Happy Thanksgiving. Wasn't sure if that was appropriate or not, since he's probably not "happy" or celebrating "thanksgiving" at times like these. But nonetheless, I just wanted to wish him well. Hope he didn't take it the wrong way. 

As I was driving home, for some strange reason, my radio was working through most of the drive. I mention this because it's never worked before. Around 30mins into the drive going home or back to my apartment, I just drop off the face of the Earth. I lose my 4G internet on my phone, I lose reception, I lose all my radio stations, I lose all connection with the world. I think it's really scary. Mainly because if anything ever happens to me, like I get a flat tire, or my car dies, I'm pretty much as good as dead out there. Let's just hope that never happens. 

Anyways, like I was saying, the radio was on most of my drive. Which made me really happy! At least I'm not driving in complete silence and left with only my thoughts. I realized as I listened to the radio that I seem to have made a personal connection with most of the songs. Either I remember the first time I heard the song and it brings me back to that time in my life or the lyrics really touch me in one way or another. For example, the song "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum reminds me of you. I remember we were in your car and the song came on the radio and you told me you really like this song but it's probably not appropriate for me right now because it probably reminds me of my BF. I think we were going through a rough patch at that time and I really wanted to forget about him. The song lyrics were not helping me forget him at all. But yeah...I remember that. Takes me back to our fond times together. "Somebody that I used to know" by Gotye reminds me of Arizona. Casa Grande to be exact. The first time I heard that song was there and I remember thinking that's exactly how I felt about my boyfriend. I really liked the lyrics to that song and I ended up listening to it too much and now I don't like that song anymore. Adele's "Someone like you" brings me back to my time in Vandenberg, CA where I would cry to it all the time because, again, thanks to a rough patch with my BF, the lyrics tugged at my heart strings and made me breakdown every time I heard it. 

I think the most notable song has to be Pink's "I don't believe you", which, if you remember, you were the one that introduced me to it. You told me that you think it reminds you of my BF and I. And since that time you mentioned it, I started to listen to it. This was when I lived up the hill in that apartment with the really nice view. I remember always just laying on my bed, crying, and listening to this song. Even when I heard it when I was out and about it would bring tears to my eyes. And then there was Rihanna's "Love the way you lie" which for some reason I was able to twist the lyrics around to apply to me. I never really understood what the song was about until you told me it was about domestic abuse. In which case, I began to realize I didn't really relate to it at all, because although my BF gave me my fair of mental/emotional abuse, he never physically hit me, so I guess it can't be considered domestic abuse. 

An of course I can't forget Christina Perry's whole album which I listened to ad nauseam during my residency year last year in LA. I remember laying down on my studio floor (because I have no furniture) and just blasting her sad sad ballads and hours on end after work every day and just crying my eyeballs out. It's kinda weird to think how many hours and tears I've shed for my BF and when the dust settles....I'm still with this guy. Hmmm....makes you think...

Anyways, so I did have a purpose to all this babbling about music. I realized that music got me through rough patches in my life and I think you should give it a try too. I actually haven't asked and don't know if you are listening to any music but I think it's a good idea to start if you haven't. It's very low key, doesn't require energy and is perfect for just lounging around and resting. I recommend using the pandora app or iheartradio. My pandora app is on the Christina Perry channel, which I set because I was in that sad mood last year and moping all the time about my BF, but ending up, her channel is pretty good for more subdue, slower music, perfect for relaxing. It's also perfect for throwing yourself a little pity party and having a good cry to. Iheartradio is good for just random radio stuff. Gets radio stations from all around the world. Anyways, give it a whirl, I find that it helps compliment my emotions and sometimes lifts me a little. 

Thanksgiving:
It's occurred to me I didn't even talk about how Thanksgiving went. My brother drove himself over all the way from Riverside. It's like a 4 hour drive. I'm very thankful he was willing to come. the night he came, I didn't have any dinner ready for him so he ended up cooking after he drove 4 hours. Poor kid. He made like 5 steaks, a rack of ribs, rice and veggies. It sounds like a lot of food, and it was...but we ate it all haha. 

Then the next day I took him out to Mimi's Cafe and we had breakfast together there. I didn't know Mimi's Cafe was French, but I guess it was. It was kinda funny actually because we got there around 8am (when they opened). There weren't very many other people there. People started to roll in around 9ish...or maybe even later...like 10ish? And it was all elderly people that came. So my brother commented that I wake up and go to breakfast earlier than elderly people. So I'm even older than elderly folk. Right...yeah, that's the funny part just in case you missed it lol. 

After breakfast we went grocery shopping and bough so much food! We went to two different grocery stores and bought so much stuff. Then we went home and snacked on stuff we bought, like guacamole and chips, with candy and cookies. I think my brother started to cook "Thanksgiving" dinner around 3pm. I wasn't even hungry since I've been pigging out all day. He made shrimp, fish, scallops, carne asada, veggies, and rice. He's pretty amazing. I really liked all the food he made.

The next day I had this overwhelming feeling of thirst. I really wanted and needed water! The whole day I had this intense dry throat, mouth and lips feeling like I've been dehydrating myself for 2 days. Then it hit me. It must have been all that food my brother made. It was very well seasoned and pretty salty. Man...I really should make a note to tell him not to cook like that. It must be not healthy to have such a large intake of salt everyday. 

Being Thankful:
My brother told me that he was sad this year because he didn't have any money to go black friday shopping. I asked him why and he told me it's because he spent all his money buying my parents an ipad. Even though I really don't think my parents know how to use an ipad or would even use it...but that's really sweet of him. He's so self sacrificing now. I told him I'd buy him a few black friday things (within reason) and he even declined and said he's trying to be independent now. Awww..my baby brother is all grown up and amazing now! 

In addition to that tear jerker, he told me that he's always rejected pre-made food from my parents because he knows I'm lazy and I don't cook, so he wanted to save all that stuff for me. He made an excuse to say that he likes to cook so he didn't want pre-made food so my parents would give it all to me. Awww...what a sweet brother! OMG. I feel terrible. And this whole time I am just being so selfish and taking all the food from him. 

I am really thankful for my brother. Hearing him say all these nice/self-sacrificial things makes me realize he's growing into a great son, brother and person. I'm proud to have him as my brother.  

Black Friday Shopping:
One of the reasons my brother came to visit me was because he thought no one would be black friday shopping where I was. So there would be no lines right? WRONG!

I went with him for the first round of black friday shopping. 8pm on thursday. Yes, they start that early now. The once empty parking lots were FULL! There were DISNEYLAND sized LINES EVERYWHERE! It took like two hours to just get INTO Target. We didn't even want to try to tackle the check out lines which looped around all the isles throughout the whole store. Probably took two hours just to check out. It was ridiculous. That was round one. 

Round two: now I didn't go because I had to go to sleep. But I heard from my brother he went at 12am and tried to go to GameStop. He stood in line for a whole hour and couldn't even get into the store!! He just gave up and left! 

Round three: I wasn't there for this one either but my brother went to the stores again at 7am (around the time when I left for work) to give the black friday shopping another shot. What happened there? Not sure, haven't talked to him since.

I've never seen so many people here! It's CRAZY!!  

Day After Thanksgiving:
I had to work. Yes. I worked. :(
I was triple overbooked that day too. I didn't think people would show up since it's the day after Thanksgiving but EVERYONE SHOWED UP! OMG. Luckily, everyone was pretty normal and I didn't have to do full exams on some people. I told my BF this and he pointed out that, that's mainly how private practice would be. Gosh, it must be nice working in private practice and seeing normal patients all day long. Remind me again why I started working for the government? Oh yeah, I want to have this experience. I don't want to see healthy people all day long, it's not a challenge and i'll forget all my training since I won't use it that much. I just have to remind myself that this is worth it. I'll be a better doctor in the long run. This is worth it. 

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Being Thankful

I don't know if it's just all the sadness from the recently close family friend death, but I have this yearning to share more thoughts with you. So two blog posts in one day...pretty crazy huh?

I was catching up with an episode of Grey's Anatomy, something that you don't do anymore, and there's a scene of someone breaking down outside of a patient's room. The guy is the patient's "lover". It's a complicated story but the patient is still married and there's this mutual agreement between the wife and the husband that their love has fizzled out and they both found other "lovers." They couldn't really stand the thought of going through a divorce so they just became two best friends married to each other but they have their respective lovers. Anyways, the patient is dying. So the lover is outside her room breaking down, saying "Why is this happening? I don't understand! No one can ever replace her, no one." It's a very emotional, tear jerking moment. It really hit a soft spot on me. It made me think of my mom's friend's son. He must be going through the same thing right now. So much pain. I tried to imagine what it must have been like when his mother passed away. He must have been devastated. Heartbroken. My mom tells me all the time about how close he is to his mom. It must have been so hard. It brings me to tears just thinking about how awful he must feel right now. How terrible it is to still live life without someone he loves so dearly. How much hurt he must be feeling.

You know that crazy theory that I'm going to die when I'm 30 years old +/- 5 years. I hope that happens because I don't want to go through any close family or friend deaths. When I was young, death seemed like such an abstract thing. I couldn't really relate to it. I knew about it but I never really thought about it. But in recent years, there has been so many deaths around me, it's become very real. It's something that can happen to any of us. I don't know how I would even handle the news, let alone, the recover period of trying to live without this person.

I always really liked the quote "You may only be one person in the world, but you may be the world to one person." This quote speaks volumes for what you can do and who you can touch in the world. Gives you perspective on things. Makes you feel so small and so big at the same time.

When I think about all of this, I always think about my parents. How much I love and admire them. They are so lucky to have found each other. I guess "found" is not the appropriate word. After all, it was an arranged marriage. But they are really lucky for it to have worked out and for how happy they make each other. I know my mom and I can argue a lot and drive each other insane, but at the end of the day, I love her. My dad and I have so much in common but he's not much of a talker. I don't feel particularly close to him, he's just someone that I admire and aspire to be like, but from afar. I love him a lot too. And my brother. OH gosh, where I should I start. He's so different than all of us. He's the "creative" one in the family. I'd like to think we are "practical". I don't think creative and practical can ever be friends. We can't even be acquaintances, but we learn to cope with each other because we love one another.

One of my favorite things to do is listen to my parents talk to each other. I like to hear about their thoughts on things, I like to hear about their life experiences, their juicy gossip about their friends (that I know), and much much more. To me, it's almost like a window into their world. When they share their experiences with me, it helps me understand them more as a person and it makes me happy I get to know them on a deeper level. When they share their thoughts and opinions on things, it makes me understand how they think and analyze things and that makes me feel like I'm in their mind, figuring out how they tick. When they gossip about others, it makes me laugh, because they always have weird/funny comments on their friends; helps me realize my parents have a playful side, they aren't so different than you and me. They can be young at heart. Just 20-30yrs older, but still the same child they once were.

You know people always talk about what their thankful this time of year. I'm very thankful for my family and friends. I am very thankful for all I've been blessed with. I am so lucky to have everything that I have. It's really silly for me to complain about anything because I'm probably more fortunate than at least half the world out there. I'm well fed, I have a loving family, I have great friends, I have everything I need, all the essentials and more. Thank you for all that I've been blessed with. And I really do wish the best for everyone else out there. My love and thoughts go out to my mom's friend's family. And as always, my love and thoughts go out to you. You've been an amazing friend to me. As aforementioned in this blog, I can't handle death, so don't you go dying on me. Fight this war, as hard as it is. There's some of us here waiting for you to get better so we can share more fun and exciting memories together again!

I'm thankful for you. I'm thankful to have met you. I'm very thankful for your friendship. I really do look forward to making more memories with you. I miss you.

Tears

It's cold again today. I woke up with a really dry throat. That usually means I'm about to get sick. Bleh. 

Updates on Mom's Friend: 
My mom's friend's son called me yesterday. Yes, the one whose mom recently passed away. I was really shocked to get his phone call. Wasn't sure what to expect. Well, I had some expectations. Maybe to pass along the information about his mom's death. I thought the phone call was going to be very short but it ended up being pretty long. Maybe like 20mins? He shared the tragic news with me and some details about his mom's disease. So ending up she had a very aggressive type of lung cancer. It spread really quickly through all her organs and caused terrible organ failure and paralysis. He told me that near the end of her life, she wasn't even able to eat on her own anymore. He had to help her do everything. As he shared these experiences with me, my heart just sunk. I really could feel his pain and I felt terrible for what his mom had to go through. No one deserves that torture, especially not someone as nice and kind hearted as his mother.

Eventually, he told me how he felt and what he had been going through. His words still resonate in my mind. "It just doesn't make sense", "I just don't understand how this can happen", "This feels like a really bad nightmare, but I'm not waking up". Again, my heart sunk a little deeper. 

He even shared with me that he felt guilty for feeling a little bit of relief and happiness that his mom had passed away because she was in so much pain near the end of her life that it was just agonizing watching her endure it. He felt terrible for feeling good about her passing, but "at least she isn't in pain anymore." 

I felt so worthless. The whole conversation, all I could say was "I'm so sorry". I really didn't know what to say or do. And about 1 min into the conversation, I started to cry. I didn't see it coming. I didn't think I would, but there I was, breaking into tears before he did. I ended up crying a lot during the phone call actually. 

He invited my family and I to his mom's funeral. It's going to be held next week on Tuesday. I went back to work and took the time off so I would be able to attend. This is going to be the first funeral I ever go to. I've never been allowed to go before. My parents were always very strict about not letting my brother and I observe such "bad luck" events. 

So after I hung up with him, I called my mom and I replayed as much of the conversation as possible to her. At which point, I started to cry again. Just trying to reiterate the words that came out of his mouth was terribly hard to do without breaking into tears. 

Well, I guess that's that. Terrible things do happen to good people. I guess we'll never understand why. I don't want to accept that these things happen randomly and there isn't any reason to it at all. The thought of that terrifies me. To think that any terrible thing can happen to anyone at any moment is beyond what my brain wants to comprehend. I would like to believe that there is a greater being that controls everything and there is a rhyme and reason to why things happen. There is a great meaning to being a good person and doing the right thing, because you will get rewarded for it in the future. And all the bad people will suffer! As much as I'd like to believe these things, it's not always so blatantly reflected in life. You are a good example of this. :(

*************

I got an update on you yesterday and it seems like you have been really tired. I just hope you're doing alright. I know you're tired so don't blame yourself for not answering my calls or returning my calls. Don't worry about it. Just rest up :)

************

Weird news today. I had a patient and his wife fall in love with me today. The first thing they did when I walked into the room was say "OMG, you are SO BEAUTIFUL". When shouted it together and almost in sync, I thought they were just kidding and playing a joke on me. But when the wife started asking me questions like "Are you married?" "How old are you?" "Where are you from?" "I have a grandson, he's 6'5", are you interested?" "I'm going to set you up on a date, when are you free?"

You think that's weird, it gets worse, at the end of the exam she asks my tech how a date can be arranged between me and her grandson. When we get off work, etc, etc. And when she's finally ready to leave, she shakes my hand, pulls me in and kisses me on the cheek. She told me that my hair is really pretty and that she can just sit there and play with my hair all day long. O_O 

I'm worried she's going to stalk me and bring her grandson along with her next time she comes by the clinic or something. Oh gosh...it's flattering but at the same time kinda creepy how she likes me so much. Borderline stalker creepy. Ending with the final plea "Really, THINK about it, DATE my grandson!" before she left. 

What an interesting person...

Monday, November 25, 2013

Bad News

Very chilly. The wind pierces through your skin and deep into your bones.

My mom called me at lunch time today. As usual, since I'm busy charting and finishing up patient exams, I answer with an annoyed tone. I carry this annoyed tone up until she told me that her best friend pasted away today. Yes, the one with advanced lung cancer. I can't even imagine how her family feels right now. That's really terrible news, but at the same time, I was kind of relieved. Is it very bad of me to think it's for the better that she passed away? I just know she was enduring so much pain and I bet it wasn't easy for the family members to see her dwindle away either. At least she's in a better place and no longer in pain. I still feel sad to hear of this news.

R.I.P yi yi.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Troubles

Car troubles:
I tried to start my car on Thursday and nothing happened. I stuck the key in like I always do and turned, all I heard was a little clicking noise and it wasn't even from the engine. So, almost immediately, I jumped into PANIC mode because #1) I don't have triple A and #2) it just became ever so apparent that I have no FRIENDS or FAMILY here that could help me with my car problem. Neither is there any Lexus dealerships I can even tow the car to so they can fix the problem. So I call my parents and tell them what happened and ask what I should do. My dad told me to call the dealership while he calls his mechanic friend. So when I looked around the glove box for the dealership's number, I only found the dealership we bought the car at, but not the one we frequently go to for servicing. Oh well...whatever works. So when I called them they told me that it's most likely a battery issue and I should call my insurance to see if I have roadside assistance. I had to call my parents back and ask for our insurance guy's phone number. When I got our insurance guy on the phone he was so reassuring, promised me that we have roadside assistance on ALL my parents' cars so I'm totally set. Then he doubled check and realized we do have roadside assistance on ALL the cars EXCEPT the one that I'm driving. GREAT. So I ended up just paying over $50 to get my car jumped. It took like 3 secs. Really, the easiest money you can make.

So I didn't get my battery changed until Friday afternoon, so from Thursday-Friday afternoon, I had to get it jumped three different times and the very last time I tried to jump it, it wouldn't start for the longest time. I really thought the car was a goner for a few mins there. I thought I'd have to get it towed. Anyhow, after all of this, I've decided it's probably best I get triple A, for my own sake.

I had this discussion with my dad about getting triple A and his exact words were "I don't think we need it, I've never had any car problems". And then I recall how many times I've been stranded at various places because the battery died, or I had a flat tire, or I locked my keys in the car, or the batteries on the alarm died and I couldn't deactivate the car alarm, etc etc....and then I began to think...Do I just have bad luck with cars or am I just not careful with them or is this all just bad karma or what is it?? I don't know...this will remain a mystery forever.

Another Encounter with the Authorities:
I was about 12 miles from home driving on the freeway when I see this set of headlights speeding towards the back of my car. It stops about what looks like 1 inch from my rear bumper and tailgates me for a few mins. So I take a little while to consider switching lanes and then the cop lights flick on. It was then I realized "Oh, it was cop tailgating me. eeek!" I immediately look around my dash board as I signal to pull over. "Are my lights on? Yes. Am I speeding? No. Ok...why am I getting pulled over? Eeek". So after I pull over to the side, I open the window on the driver's side and I patiently wait for the cop to walk over to me. Then I hear a tapping on the passenger side of the window and realized he went on the other side. So I open the window and...

Cop: Hi
Me: Hi
Cop: I was trying to get you to move over
Me: Sorry, I realized that now.. :(
Cop: You should have moved over to the slower lane
Me: I'm sorry...I was trying to...
Cop: License and registration please
Me: *looks for license and registration
Cop: I noticed your registration is expired
Me: OMG! Really? My dad just put the sticker on yesterday!
Cop: Someone must have stolen it
Me: OMG! STOLEN?!?!?
Cop: most likely, you need to go get a new one.
Me: Ok...where?
Cop: The DMV.
Me: right...that makes sense
Cop: Is this your car?
Me: No...it's my parents'
Cop: Ok, I'm going to give you a verbal warning, go get your new sticker and put it on your car
Me: Ok... thank you!!

So I get back to my apartment and take a good look at the sticker. It's 2015. I don't know what the cop is talking about. It's NOT expired. He was probably just upset I was driving so slow and ruining his smooth ride. This isn't the first time something like this has happened to me. The last time this happened, the cop just switched on his lights and went on his mega phone and said "MOVE OVER!!"

I think the same gesture would have been very appropriate in this case too. He didn't have to pull me over and then freak me out by saying someone stole my registration sticker. Aiya.

Always have low expectations:
My brother promised me he'd drive here to spend Thanksgiving with me. I've been really excited about it for a LONG time now. Meaning, HIGH EXPECTATIONS that this is going to go down and it's going to be fabulous! So this weekend when I wanted to confirm with him if he's coming...

Me: so you are still coming Thanksgiving right?
Brother: actually, can you come to me?
Me: SERIOUSLY?? I only get ONE day off, just Thanksgiving. I can't come to YOU, I have to work the next day and it takes me 4 hours to drive to you and then 4 hours back.
Brother: right....see, my professor wants to shoot this movie with me and he already booked the venue and it's going to go down this weekend
Me: Well, we had this arrangement for you to come here for months now...
Brother: Fine, I'll just come for a day or two and then I'll go back
Me: omg, that's too much driving for you, is that even worth it? Just don't come.

*sighs, Always a disappointment when it comes to dealing with my brother.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Flattered and Gushing

Hello! Blogging early today. My 3:00 patient didn't show so now I have the whole afternoon to just chill :) Yay!

Sunny day today but with a nice breeze.

I have something interesting to share today....

I was busy with the morning patients today and apparently someone came around and asked everyone if they wanted any starbucks because someone was going to make a run there. Since I was busy, no one asked me. But when I came out of the exam room later, someone bought me a hot chocolate, even though I didn't ask for one. I was told later that it was my front desk buddy (the one that always chats me and gets all chummy with me). So I chatted him back today and thank him for the hot chocolate. I offered to pay him back but his response was "it's a token of our friendship". Which is actually a really nice thing to say. So I reponded "Well, your friendship is really rewarding". Seems like we flirting huh? I just realized that's sorta flirtatious.

Anyhow, I diverge..

It's lunch time. My tech and I had plans to go to this Mexican restaurant that's actually kinda far away. So we would have to drive. My tech offers to drive us there. She told me that she has her nephew's truck today because hers is in the shop. So when we got to her car, it wouldn't start. It didn't even make any sounds. She just stuck in the key and turned and nothing. So that was super weird. I think it's a battery problem? Don't know, so ending up, we didn't go to this super fantastic Mexican place where I can get delicious chicken tortilla soup...we just ended up eating at the same Mexican place next to our clinic that we went to last week. I got the exact same thing (3 tacos with chips and rice and a LARGE drink) and we just chatted. But what we ended up chatting about was pretty interesting....

Tech (T): So you know the front desk guy the the security guard asked about you when you were gone, I think you went to Seattle. They asked if you were married. I said no and then they asked if you have a boyfriend and I said you do and they asked if he's here and I said no and then they said so that means we can ask her out? and I said, you can try.... 
Me (M): WHOA.......the front desk guy AND the security guard??
T: yeah! And did you know they have a nickname for you?
M: NO.....
T: Yeah, it's "la bonita", you know what that means right?
M: Beautiful?
T: yeah!
M: OMG.....that's really flattering but now I'm going to be super awkward around them now that I know this information!

And when I came back to work, there was that cup of hot chocolate starring me in the face. I don't even feel right drinking it anymore since it comes from the love of someone else.

A little later in the day, I was chatting to the front desk guy and I told him that my tech's car wasn't starting and asked him if he has jumper cables. He said that we should have texted him right away and he woulda helped. Then I mentioned that I don't have his number. Which of course, as soon as I thought it'd lead to "Here's my number" but instead, he asked me "What's your number".

I know what you're thinking. Don't give it away.

Sorry to disappoint you, I gave it to him. But I said it's purely because no one in the clinic has my number and there is supposed to be this phone tree system that everyone calls everyone else if there is an emergency or you aren't supposed to come to work, but I'm not even on the phone tree. So I told him that I'm giving him my number so if something happens at the clinic, it's his responsibility to contact me and let me know.

So just as the afternoon was winding down and I was trying to collect my thoughts, my BF gchats me and I tell him all of this! And he's kinda ambivalent and non-chalant about it (how he always is). I told him that when we comes to visit me in December, I should parade him around to all my coworkers so people will believe me that I have a BF. He responded saying that he's afraid that they might beat him up when I'm not looking. I don't know what prompted this but I responded with the SWEETEST, most heart gushing reply "I only have eyes for you, so I wouldn't take my eyes off of you, you'll be safe with me". And almost just as fast as I typed it, I realized I was a little too lovey-dovey ooey-gooey. I retracted what I said "I'm sorry, that was too SWEET, I don't know where that came out from". My BF's response..."yeah, that was way too sweet, now I have a diabetes". Ok.....super lame response but it was so lame and nerdy that I think it was actually kinda cool. Nerds rule in my book :)

Almost 4pm...meaning it's almost 4:30...meaning it's almost time to go...watching and waiting the mins to count down. It's so true that when I'm busy, time flies by like it's nothing. I really dont' know where the time goes. But when it's slow...like this afternoon...time goes by slowly too. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE it when I have down time, but it's just an observation I have.

Hope you are doing well. Oh yeah, I wanted to call you and ask you how your conversation with your Doctor went...will try to reach you later tonight! :)

Ta ta for now!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Tummy not happy

Cloudy with slightly chilly winds. Didn't want to be outside, looks like it's going to rain, even though I know it's probably not going to.

Last night at 12am, my little baby nephew was born into the world! I'm so excited! I can't wait to meet him!
My mom called me today (during work) to tell him how she was getting ready to go to the hospital to see him!

I've had a light tummy ache the whole day. At first I thought it's because I had a hotpocket for breakfast but I didn't microwave it all the way through so it was still slightly frozen/cold in the middle but I ate it anyway. Then the pain subsided and came back during lunch when I didn't have time to eat a proper meal so I munched on honey nut cherrios and pretzels. When I really couldn't stand my stomach, I ate some dried cranberries, thinking it would help, but it didn't. I even downed the whole bag of dried cranberries too. Now I'm home and I still feel my queasy tummy going off on me like it's mad at me for something. I'm brewing some tea, hopefully that'll remedy things (probably not knowing my spiteful tummy).

I found out today that my clinic enters into a softball game every year, I'm wondering if I should join. I really suck though. I wouldn't want to bring everyone down. I can't really bat (I probably couldn't even make contact with the bat and the ball if I tried), I can't really sprint (I'm more of the long distance SLOW runner) and I can't catch to save my life (I spend most of my time dropping things). So I think it's probably best I don't join so I don't drag people down. I heard the team's pretty good, they almost won championships last year. Yeah...not joining...

So my bf's been trying to call me nice nicknames lately. Here's what he's come up with:
"Hey Peaches" - which I think is really cute because I like fruit and peaches just sounds like a really cute, plump fruit with big eyes :)
"Hey Asian Pear" - which I also like because it sounds so plump and juicy, yum, ready to eat :)

Ok...so I guess that's all I remember, the rest were kinda lame...mainly because they are not fruit names LOL

So I guess my plan for you to click on my links failed :(

Oh gosh, I can't stand it, I'm going to go lay down, tummy not happy with me.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Long day

I think it got cooler today, not sure, I didn't even get a chance to go outside when the sun was still out! I go to work at 7:15-7:30ish and I got home today around 6ish, so it was dark going into work and it was dark coming out of work.

I found this right vs left brain test and it's kinda interesting. You should take it and see what you get! I am Left Brained. Let's see what you get!

http://en.sommer-sommer.com/braintest/?data=MjUsNzU%3D

I also found this link for 27 really amazing places to visit before you kick the bucket! Some of the pictures are out of this world!!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariellecalderon/surreal-places-to-visit-before-you-die

And one more link, 18 things people should make time for again:

http://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2013/11/18-things-everyone-should-start-making-time-for-again/

There isn't much to share today, sorry, I basically just worked all day. Worked through lunch too. Got home super late and is trying to eat some food before I pass out...maybe I'll write more tomorrow.....*exhausted

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Wrapping up the Weekend

Saturday: 
Woke up at the crack of dawn, 5am. It was still dark outside. I wouldn't have been able to tell if it was 11pm or 5am if it wasn't for my alarm clock glaring at me with "5:00". It was cold. I sleep with shorts and a t-shirt here. I'm thinking it might be time to graduate to PJ bottoms so I'm not as cold every morning when I wake up. I was so sleepy. I couldn't even open my eyes. I felt myself closing my eyes. "A few more mins" I thought, but I knew I had to get up or else these "few mins" were going to turn into a few hours and that would be bad. 

I was getting up early to get ready to go hiking. I usually hate getting up that early (even though I am a morning person, but come on, who wants to get up THAT early??) and I hate the drive there (it's in PITCH BLACKNESS, you have to use high beams to see anything in front of you) and I usually hate the whole time I'm hiking (because I'm huffing and puffing and dying) but I LOVE the feeling afterwards. I guess that's why I exercise at all, for the feeling afterwards. I just love that feeling of endorphins after a good workout. I hate the before and during, but LOVE the aftermath. 

So this was the FIRST time I'm driving to this trail by myself. Last time I went, I drove to my co-worker's house and then they drove me there. I looked up the directions last night and memorized it but I didn't write anything down to help guide me. The directions weren't difficult, just exit, turn left, then right and go all the way down the road. The difficult part was just driving in such dark conditions that high beams were needed. So I somehow managed to get there. Google maps said it would take half an hour, but it really only took me like 15 mins? Maybe 20? Was I speeding? I don't think so. 

I was meeting my co-workers there at 6:30am. It was 6:15. There were already at least a dozen cars parked there already. It was pitch black. Dang, these people are either super into hiking or they are totally morning people or maybe a combination of BOTH. I can't believe they are here this early and hiking already, before there is even light. It's still very dark! Geez. 

Even in the darkness, I managed to find my co-workers, there were only two of them. The rest of them didn't come I guess. So it was around 6:45 and we started our hike. A little ways in, one of them revealed to us that she just found out her mother has end stage lung cancer yesterday. I was shocked. First of all, I feel like everyone is getting diagnosed with cancer around me, which is terrifying because I'm always on edge now thinking "whose going to be next?", and second of all, I can't believe she still came! If I were her and I just found out my mother has end stage lung cancer (which I hope that never happens), I would probably be by my mother's side or worrying incessantly or SOMETHING else aside from hiking. But I understand everyone copes with things differently. I also feel really bad in these situations because I never know what to say. Aside from saying "sorry" there really wasn't much else for me to offer. My other co-worker started to talk about how her grandfather had end stage lung cancer too and they bonded for a little bit. I almost brought up you, in attempts to connect and jive along with the conversation but I didn't. I just held my tongue. These things always make me feel awkward and uncomfortable because I really would like them to know I feel for them, but I don't know how. And I never seem to know what to say or what's appropriate to bring up or talk about. It's hard to move onto the next topic of conversation as well, without sounding insensitive. 

This is totally a tangent, but sometimes I feel that way about you too. When we talk about your feelings or your condition, I feel sooo bad for you, I really do. I feel so terrible that you have to go through all of this and I feel like it's not fair because you didn't do anything wrong to deserve this. In fact, you are probably one of the nicest and most generous person I know. You volunteer to help other people on your down time...that's something that doesn't ever cross my mind to do. You are always willing to help friends. I still remember this back in Hong Kong when we first met. (Don't ask me how I remember this) I think I only met you once at this point. I had some extra tickets for something and I was trying to pawn them off because I wasn't going to be able to use them. I called everyone I knew at the time and no one needed them or knew anyone that needed them. When I called you, you said you didn't need them but you'll try to help me find someone that will buy them off of me. When you said this, I appreciated it but I didn't really believe you because I feel like most people say that, but they don't really do it. Eventually, I found someone to take my tickets. And a few hours later, you called me back and told me you had found someone as well. I was SOOOO THANKFUL for you. I really was taken aback that you had actually remembered to ask around for me and you put in the effort to help me even though you didn't really even know me then. Right at that moment, I knew you were a good person. I just knew. So to find out all this is happening to you, doesn't make sense to me. And when you share your experiences with me and your emotions just poor out, I really want to be there to support you and wipe your tears, but I can't. And not only can I not physically be there for you, I feel like my silence on the phone is not helping me emotionally/mentally be there for you either. I hope my silence doesn't reflect poorly on me, making me seem unsympathetic or anything, I just really don't know what to say. I'm really sorry. But honestly, at this point, I feel like anything I say is not going to make a difference, unless it's "I found a cure!" But I really wish I could say and do more for you. 

Another tangent along these lines, sometimes when you mention another friend being insensitive based on their actions or what they say to you, I get really paranoid that I've done that or said that as well too. I guess that also attributes to why I'm more silent and not really sure what to say nowadays. I really do apologize if I have said anything or done anything that seems insensitive to your situation or hurt you at all. I really have no intentions of doing that. It's true, I have no idea what you are going through. All the pain, all the suffering, I don't know what it feels like. I only get a little glimpse of it from what you share it with me. So it's hard for me to relate to your situation, but don't assume for one min that just because I can't relate to your situation, that I don't sympathize and feel for you. My thoughts (not prayers) are always with you and I am here for you when you need me. I don't always know what's the right thing to do in every situation, but I'm always willing to be by your side. Always. Because that's what best friends do :)

So back to my hiking story.....
So halfway through the hike, she decides to leave and go visit her mother. Which was fine, she left. So now there were two of us. We continued a little while and then my co-worker got a call from her boyfriend. I guess he's sick, like the throwing up type of sick. So my co-worker leaves me as well because she wants to go home and tend to her sick boyfriend. Which also makes sense. So now it's just me. I finish the hike, get to the top, take a couple of pictures and then start hiking my way back. So this is the thing with me and hikes. I GET LOST. Which is exactly what happened!! Good thing there were people ever so often that I saw and could ask for directions. There were so many trails going so many different directions. I'm not the best at staying on the right trail or even identifying what is a trail. There were a few times during my hike that someone called to me and said "Hey! You over there! You aren't on a hiking trail! The trail is over here!" I thank them for helping and shake my head in shame as I head back to the right direction. So this whole ordeal lasted two hours. I finally get back to my car and went home. Hallelujah! That was a relatively short time to get lost. If you recall, the last hike I did in Arizona by myself I got lost for 6 hours, no cell phone reception, caught in the mid-afternoon heat, no water, no food, no other hikers around, terrible!! So I thank my stars this only took 2 hours. *phew

After I got back, I felt really energized and motivated to do something. So I showered and got ready to go to the mall. I wanted to actually go to Walmart. I wanted to find some exercise equipment to use around my apartment so I can workout more when I'm at home. My main purpose was to find a Walmart, but I somehow never made it there. So, like I said, I memorize all these maps in my head and try to recall the directions as I'm driving. I found the mall, but I couldn't' find the Walmart. At the mall, I just ended up going to Target. Which I didn't really need anything from Target, so I just ended up buying a bunch of random stuff I didn't need. Like stickers, flavored tea and hair products. Yes, ever since my time in LA, I'm still obsessed with hair products. A little less now, but nonetheless, still interested. So after I got these cute stickers, I had the idea that I wanted to make some cards for everyone. So when I got home, I walked over to Michael's (yes, it's within a reasonable walking distance) and got some cards and more craft materials. The rest of the afternoon was spent making these greeting cards for my friends (most of them turning out really ugly). Maybe I really don't have any talent for this. It's time I just faced the facts. But I spent so much time making them, so I'm going to send them off anyway. 

So I mentioned how I got these flavored teas. I got gingerbread cookie this time. It's seasonal! The thing about flavored teas is that it always smells better than it actually is! ALWAYS. It smelled soooo good when I brewed some yesterday. Like fresh baked gingerbread cookies!! But then it just tastes like regular tea. I hate it when what you smell doesn't match what you eat. Just a load of disappointment. 

Another tangent about going to Target....so I guess I have to admit I'm in a small town now because apparently, you can't go anywhere without seeing someone you know. At Target, I ran into a coworker who was shopping with her adorable little daughter. Then I ran into a patient of mine. I guess there's only so many places to go on weekends here because there's only so much to do, so when everyone concentrated in one area, of course you are going to run into people you know right? Yeah....there's only one mall here, so I bet that's where everyone goes on the weekends. Haha. 

Sunday:
You'd be amazed that I didn't wake up at 6am today. I got up around 7:50!! Amazing huh? I downed half a pizza (yes, I still over eat) and then went for a run. I felt really good today so I ran further than I had planned. When I came back, I mapped it out on google and it was like 4 miles. Pretty good for someone like me (whose been her on butt for months now). 

OMG!! BUZZ BUZZ!! HOT NEWS OFF THE PRESS!! I just got a call, seriously, just right now from a HS friend that landed a job in Phoenix and he's driving back to SD right now. So he's going to swing by in about an hour and we are going to have lunch! OMG! I'm so excited! NOTHING EVER HAPPENS HERE so when people come to visit, it's FREAKEN AMAZING!!! 

I'm so glad he called NOW because I was seriously just about to pull the second half of my frozen pizza out of the fridge and eat it. If I had eaten it then I wouldn't have been able to eat with my friend and that would have been a bummer. But now I'll wait for him to eat! OMG, where should we go? I don't know! I'm too excited!! I'm going to get ready now...see ya! 

Friday, November 15, 2013

Doctors and mistakes

Cloudy, windy and cold. Looked like it was going to rain today. I could smell the rain as the wind blew past me. But it didn't rain. Maybe tomorrow?

I just finished two episodes of Grey's Anatomy. It's really nice to come home after a LONG day's work and just lounge around watching other people stress over their jobs. It's only nice because their problems are not my problems. Mine seem so much smaller, less of a bid deal.

My crisis today was negligence. Too many people scheduled and not enough time. That's how most of my days are nowadays. Too many patients to doctor ratio. I'm the only one there. Everyone is trying to get in for an exam. I can only do so much. I was wrapping up the morning patients, thought I was done. Last patient of the morning, didn't seem like it was hard or anything. Cruising through the exam and then I saw it. Something didn't seem right. Something looked kinda weird. So I used another instrument to help me get a better view. A BIG FAT HEMORRHAGE. That wasn't the only thing. I looked further and there was all this swelling and dead blood vessels. What is going on?!?! I get so engrossed in this patient that I completely forgot one thing. He wasn't my last morning patient. It wasn't until 12:30pm when someone from the front desk came running to me asking me if I still wanted to see my 11:30 patient. He has been waiting over an hour to be seen. Because I forgot about him. Terrible. I can't believe I forgot! How am I so neglectful?? I should have double checked my schedule to make sure I finished all my patients in the morning!! I should have! But I didn't! I just assumed I was done! Luckily, he was very nice and didn't rip my head off. I know I wouldn't be in the best of mood of my doctor was an hour late to examine me. I felt pretty terrible.

Then I watched Grey's Anatomy. If you have been keeping up, you'd know what I'm talking about. This is the episode where Callie Torres gets sued for doing a hip replacement on an Olympic athlete and it goes terribly wrong and he both his legs amputated. Pretty sad, I know. But there were all these flashbacks that involved Callie and Arizona. It revealed how they wanted a baby but Arizona miscarried. And then telling the back story to how the hip replacement went terribly wrong and how the Olympic athlete ended up getting his legs amputated. I watched it all go down. How Callie made all the calls and made some mistakes but it was the best decision at the time. How the wound got infected and it got to the patient's heart, which lead to multiple emboli that eventually caused him his legs.

You know, I once wanted to be a surgeon. I thought it was really cool to be able to open people up and save their lives. I just focused on all the glory and I never thought about how terrible I would feel if surgery went downhill and someone died. I honestly don't know if I'd be able to handle that pressure. Not being able to save someone, someone dying in my hands and then I'd have to go face their family and break their hearts. Oh my gosh, I'm so glad I didn't go into that field. I'd probably just have nightmares or psychological issues or both. Either that or I'd get desensitized. I'd probably not care about people dying anymore to protect myself and my feelings. All of the above mentioned options are terrible. So again, I'm glad I didn't become a surgeon. Like Uncle Ben from Spiderman said "With great power, comes great responsibility." I'm pretty sure Voltaire said that first actually but it was popularized by Uncle Ben from Spiderman. Anyways, I'm glad I don't have such "great powers" because I wouldn't be able to handle the responsibility that came with it.

So back to Callie. I guess went she opened up the patient, the surgery went great. At the very end, the patient's oxygen count went down and his heart rate sky rocketed. So she had to close him up fast. As she was closing him, they realized that the sponge count was off, meaning there was still a sponge left inside of him, but she closed him anyway. The case argued that because the sponge was left inside him, it got his wound infected. Then it went up to his heart, his heart started throwing out emboli because it got infected and therefore, he lost his legs from the emboli. Scary stuff, I know. As I watched Callie make the call to close him up (to save his life) even though there was still a sponge inside of him, I started to roll play. If I were a big surgeon like Callie, would I have done the same thing at that time? Probably. I can totally see myself making a call like that. You hear about all these surgical equipment left inside people and you wonder how doctors can be so negligent, but as I reflect upon my career, I begin to realize, it's not negligence, we are just human. Humans error. It's not that we want to, it just happens. Even if we are very careful and even when we double check, we still make mistakes. That's just the nature of the beast.

I parallel this with my work. I write the wrong things on patient charts all the time, I write out wrong prescriptions sometimes, I forget to check allergies before releasing medications sometimes, I forget to ask patient certain questions that could help me solve the case, I tell people the same thing a couple of times not remembering that I told them already, and sometimes I forget to tell people certain things that are very important. I don't always remember it, but when I do, I fell bad. Even though most of the mistakes I make are nothing compared to what surgeons do, I still have this overwhelming sense of guilt. Why didn't I remember? Why did I do that? I didn't I do that? Why, why, why, why?....I'm really glad I watched this episode of Grey's Anatomy. It reminds me that everyone makes mistakes, even with you are the best of the best. No one is perfect and it's ok to make mistakes. I should stop wallowing in my mistakes and learn from them. Just keep trying my best. That's all I can do right?

Ok, enough talk about doctors making mistakes........

I got an email today about a potential fill in day in December. I was so excited! I have been emailing and emailing and looking and looking for moonlighting opportunities on the weekend. I really need another job. I have so many loans, I'm swimming in loans, bills and rent I have to pay. It's true what people say. Growing up is not all that fun. It's just more and more responsibilities I have to take care of. No matter how much more money I make, I always end up using it all because you just accumulate more and more bills. It's a vicious cycle. Anyway, so I was about to take the job, when I realized that's the same weekend my BF is supposed to come down and visit me here. Then without thinking I decided that maybe I can just meet him in our hometown, so I can work that weekend, be home, he can be home and we can see each other. Sounded like a solid plan right? But then I realized that my BF would only be able to hang out on Saturday and Sunday. If I work that Saturday then that means we can't hang out that day. And then Sunday I have to drive back so I wouldn't be able to hang out. So that means if I take the job then I wouldn't be able to hang out with him at all...so I guess that means I shouldn't take the job right? But I really need the money! Ugh! I'm so conflicted!

Aiya! Oh, it's late, I should go to bed! I'm getting up early tomorrow to go hiking! I probably have to get up at 5am so I can get ready in time. Wish me luck tomorrow! Miss you!


Thursday, November 14, 2013

Interesting things

It's sunny again today, around the 90's. How is it still so hot here and it's mid November? Everyone that told me Fall and Winter is beautiful here lies! It's still too hot!

It was brought up to my attention that I write about work too much and apparently that bores my only reader, so let's diverge from talking about work today and bring up other things. Here's my attempt to be more interesting...

I've been listening to my really old MP3 player today (do they still have those? MP3 players? Hasn't everyone jumped on the iPod wagon?) and it has occurred to me that it's all filled with Jay Chou songs. Ah...the memories that Jay Chou brings up. Mainly Hong Kong memories. Most of which I'm very fond of, few were terrifying and not so great, but most were amazing. Each song that comes up seems to be linked to a different memory. Like when the song "Dong Fung Po" comes up, I always think of my friend Kim. Don't ask me how I remember these minute details about seemingly insignificant events in my life, but there was this conversation I had with her when we were in Hong Kong and she mentioned that was her favorite song by Jay Chou and since then, that song always reminded me of her. Then there's "An Jing" which will always remind me of you since you told me that's your favorite song. And then there's my favorite song, which doesn't just remind me of myself...it reminds me of his concert I went to with you. Hearing it alive was amazing. I almost cried. It would have been tears of joy I was shedding because I was so moved by his music. It's fun to be reminded of the endless hours I spent listening to his songs, obsessing over him, and fantasizing about meeting him in person in my White Palace of a dorm room. I guess HK will forever be linked with Jay Chou, happy times...simpler times.

I'm trying to express more "love" and "emotion" towards my boyfriend so I've been trying to use some terms of endearment towards him. I don't know if that's even the correct way of labeling it. But anyhow, I guess I took him by surprise....
*phone rings
BF: Hello
Me: Hey sweetie!
BF: Heeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy.............................*silence
Me: Ok...stop it, just stop trying, too long and awkward of a pause. I can tell you can't think of anything to say back to me.
BF: hahahaha, sorry, that just took me by surprise
Me: No...kidding.........

**Second attempt
*phone rings
BF: Hello
Me: Hey honey!!
BF: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy..........sweeeeeeet thing?
Me: sweet thing?
BF: sweet...tie...I meant sweetie
Me: uh..huh....sure.

I can just tell during those long awkward pauses that his little engineering brain, which probably runs on gears, is grinding to a halt and he has brain waves that's transmitting the signal "Does not compute". I have a theory that I"m actually dating a Robot. I'll have to run a few more tests to prove my theory. Stay tuned for results.

So there is this guy that works at the front desk that is very friendly to me. We have this messenger system that works like AIM. And he was probably the first to message me on there and is always talking to me. He chats me everyday. When I told my BF, he had this crazy theory that he likes me, but I think he's just very friendly and super nice. He offered to show me around town and join his gym and motivate me to work out and stuff. During this whole time, I'm pretty sure I mentioned I had a BF a few times. I was very sure he knew. But today, for some reason, during one of our conversations, I mentioned I have a BF again and he surprisingly responded with "WTH, you have a BF? I thought you were single". Hmmm...very interesting response.......Then later on today, I went to the front desk and to ask for help with something. My tech happened to up there and told me that he was refusing to help her (in a joking way) and told me to hand him some papers so he'll take care of it. So I did and he did help her. I left and didn't think much of it. My tech told me later that the running joke now is that he isn't willing to help anyone, the only person that can get him to do anything is me, he's willing to do whatever I tell him to. So now everyone's saying that if they want him to do something, just ask me to ask him and it'll get done. Hmmm...giving me special treatment...interesting...is this all adding up to what my BF suspected from the beginning? I don't know, I still think he's just a nice guy. Maybe he's just not familiar enough with me to joke around with me and not do what I ask him to do? Hmmm....

I mentioned the other day that there were a lot of dead birds on the sidewalk here. I noticed the same thing when I was in Casa Grande, AZ. Why are there always so many dead birds in AZ? I don't get it. So I heard from someone that supposedly there are people that go out and shoot birds to scare birds away. It's like warning sign "this can be you if you dwell around my property, I'm going to shoot you and leave your carcass lying around as a warning to others". That's super bird friendly. I didn't know bird shooting in a middle of a residential area is legal here. Hmmm...interesting.

I know I said I wouldn't talk about work, but this is a little different...So I had this patient the other day come in and lecture me incessantly about how I don't have a life and how I need to go out more.
Patient (Pt): what do you do for fun?
Me: Nothing, I like to eat, sleep, watch TV, maybe read
Pt: you have to go out more and live your life!
Me: I'm happy with what I'm doing right now
Pt: Go out and enjoy life! Go meet people! Go do things! You are still young!
Me: Ok...I'll try
Pt: Go get a life! Don't just drown yourself in work! Go work out, go get a hobby, do something fun
Me: I like lounging around at home, that's fun to me!
Pt: NO! Go experience life!...ok ok I'm sorry, I'm probably the only one that gives you such a hard time and lectures you so much to go out and get a life right?
Me: No, you would be surprised, almost everyone does that with me here. It's either that, or "get married" or "don't grow old"
Pt: Oh yeah! Get a boyfriend!
Me: I have one
Pt: Go get married then! Have some kids!
Me: Ok...I'll try, let's get back to the exam
Pt: Why so serious! You are all business
Me: You are also not the first person to say that to me either!

Gosh, why's everyone up in my business? I like being a home body! Does that mean I'm not living my life and doing great things if I like being at home?

I do things......I'm going to Zumba tonight. Just watch! I go out! I'll show ya'll I can be fun!

I'm out.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Big Day

Today is sunny, too sunny. Feels very warm...actually more like hot. Almost a little muggy.

Just when I thought things in clinic were turning around for the better...today hits me. I was twice overbooked this morning, seeing 7 patients. At one point, I had someone every 15 mins...which is pretty much impossible to stay on time since I'm just one person. I had to use BOTH exam rooms and had my tech jump in to help me. I was still 15 mins behind even with my tech helping. I was juggling three patients already and I still have two people waiting to be seen! I was loosing my mind this morning. I bet a left a bunch of findings out when I was charting, how can I keep so many people straight when I was seeing so many people all at the same time!

When lunch time finally rolled around, my supervisor was coming all the way from Tucson to visit today. So she came around 12 (which was when she said she'd be here). We ended up just working through lunch, talking and figuring out how clinic was going, what we needed here, and what needed to be fixed. Then 1pm rolled around and I had to work again. My tech was so sweet, her daughter dropped off some lunch for her (a few rolled tacos) and she shared them with me because she knew that I didn't have time to go eat either. Shoved the rolled tacos down my throat and back to patients again.

I thought the morning was tough because I was so over booked, but the afternoon didn't look so great either. I had two back to back dementia patients. If you've ever dealt with a dementia patient, you'll know that they are no fun. I pity them for how the disease has ravished their brains and turned them into the people that they are now, but I still don't like working with them. It's just incredible difficult to get anything done. I spent over half an hour with one patient today and I only got ONE test result. ONE. He just yelled at me the whole time, swatting at me to go away, thinking I was hurting him. The second dementia patient was nicer but he still was incredible difficult to work with. Cooperation is not in their nature. It's just how the disease works.

After a whole day of stress, stress and even more stress....it's finally over. Work is over! Yes! I'm so happy!

Now I can relax.......maybe I'll take a nap :)

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Gloomy Day

Gloomy day today. It looks like it's going to rain, feels really muggy and warm too. The weather is so weird here. One day it's all rainbows and sunshine, then lightening and thunder the next day. I'd like to think the weather reflects my mood, but not here. When it's all sunshine, which is pretty much everyday, I'm pretty sad and lonely here. But today, when it's all gloomy, I feel all happy. I think a large part of it comes from the fact that I had amazingly awesome patients today that followed directions perfectly, had great hearing, were nice people and had nothing wrong with them. That makes an easy day. I could actually carry on a conversation with them because they can hear me first of all and because I didn't have to channel all my brain cells into thinking about how to manage and treat them. If only everyday were like this....too early to start dreaming huh? *sighs

I really wanted to share this with you, I can't believe I forgot! So my Aunt supposedly went back to China and found one of those "fortune tellers" that connect with the spirits to reveal your future to you. You know how sometimes you watch those Chinese movies and there's someone that pats their hands on the table and convulses like they are having a seizure but they are really being taken over by "spirits" and then they tell you frightening things about yourself you didn't even know and then more stuff about your future that's going to haunt you until you make them happen? Yeah, those fortune tellers. So my Aunt asked about my cousin's love life and it was so funny. She basically insulted my cousin saying that it's good she's not married yet. She has this life where she's meant to either marry really late or get a million divorces. If she had married young, she would have been divorced 5 times over by now. I can actually see that. My cousin doesn't have the best temper and she's very quick to turn on you. Hence, how she turned on our family and still holds a grudge against us. She only talks to me very unwillingly (because I talk to her) and won't even acknowledge my mom's presence. Anyhow, when my Aunt shared this with my mom, my mom decides she wants to do the same thing for me! She asks my Hong Kong Aunt to go do it and now things are in the works. She's going to ask about my love life. My mom says that if they predict good things with this relationship that I'm in right now, then she's going to rush me into marriage. (surprise!) But if the fortune teller predicts bad things about this relationship then she's going to make me break up with my boyfriend. So much is dependent on this fortune teller...makes me kinda worried. I have to say, I'm interested in what the fortune teller is going to say, but I don't know how much of it I want to believe.

I've done this fortune teller thing before. When I studied abroad in Hong Kong and for the most part, it was SO ACCURATE! It told me NOT to start a relationship with anyone that year because it's not a good year. And I didn't listen, and I got burned. BURNED! And it's a double burn too because I was already warned and I still did it! Well, anyways, stayed tuned for the results!

Is it sad that I'm more excited about spending a night alone and watching TV shows rather than going out and hanging out with friends? I seriously dread going out with friends a lot. I hate getting ready, I hate putting in an effort to look "nice", I hate driving out there, I hate always being the first one to get there and waiting for everyone to show up...the whole thing! But when everyone does show up and we all eat, drink, chat and be merry, it's really fun. I like catching up with everyone and I really like the eating part...haha. And then the whole drive home I'm happy. Tired...but happy. And then I get home and I am even more happy that I'm at home. See, total home body! So I'm always happy that I did decide to go out and see people, but I feel like I get more joy from sitting at home and lounging around watching TV. Is that sad? I don't know. Seems kinda a pathetic way to waste away a lifetime. But that's what I like? I'm going to try to change and go out more, but that also seems like an empty promise. Haha. Sometimes, people just don't change, like me. LoL.

So my mom's friend's son finally revealed to me through text that his mom has cancer. Well, he didn't straight up say it, but he just said that she is going through chemo. Which I guess implies that she has cancer. I'm always afraid to text him for my mom because I'm afraid I'm going to get THE TEXT. You know, the text that says my mom's friend has passed away or something terrible like that. We are concerned about her and we want to show we care, but I don't want to be too big of a bother and pester them too much. So I text him maybe every 2 weeks or so. Is that too long of an interval? Too short?

So something that I realized is that I want to read now. When I was home this weekend, I didn't bring any books back with me to read, so I couldn't read before bed, like I do now. It was funny because I found myself actually missing it. I really wanted a book to read before bedtime. So I went digging through our book shelves for something to read. Didn't matter if I read it before or if I haven't. I found Freakonomics. Weird, didn't even know we had that book. Didn't like it though, it's not fiction and doesn't involve a really interesting story line with cool characters. I found The Odyssey. I bought it back in college when I had to read it for humanities. I have notes written all over the margins. Didn't like it...too deep and philosophical for me. I gave up after that. I know it seems like a pathetic attempt but come on, it's ME. Attempting to seek a book to read at all is freaking amazing for my standards! Just thought you'd like to know that I enjoy reading a little more now. I'm slowly becoming you!! haha.

Ok, going to enjoy some TV time now :) Yes!!!

Monday, November 11, 2013

Post 3 Day Weekend

Hi! I'm sorry I haven't blogged for a while, I've been gone for the three day weekend (went back home). I came back and blogged as soon as I could!

Here's the down low for this weekend:

Friday:
Busy busy busy day but I was able to finish a little early and get an early start to drive home. Since there is a time difference between CA and AZ right now, I pretty much passed out at 8:30 CA time (which is 9:30 in AZ). My brother came home around 12am so I didn't really get to talk to him or anything Friday night. I think he also brought a friend over but again, I'm not sure because I was already sleep.

Saturday:
Woke up 5:30am (CA time) and realized that no one's going to awake for at least 2 hours, so I tried to go back to sleep, but no dice. I ended up just playing on for phone for hours and even watching a few things on my phone until my grandma finally woke up. Then I think it was my dad that woke up next and finally my mom. My brother (door closed) was still asleep (with friend inside?). My parents and I left before I even saw my brother :(

We had an agenda! I guess one of my mom's friends from San Leandro came to visit my mom. Got dropped off in LA somehow so we had to go pick her up. So we were supposed to meet up for dim sum and I thought we were pretty late already (11am). Ending up, her friends didn't come until 12:10pm. Of course, knowing me, I didn't wait, I ordered a few dim sum items before they came but it wasn't all the good stuff I wanted. I just ordered some random things to hold me over assuming that when they come, we can share all the good dim sum items I want. But NOOoooo...when they arrived, all they wanted to do was TALK. We basically didn't really eat anything and the stuff that we did eat...I didn't even like because someone else picked them. My dad and I were sooo bored as we just sat there watching my mom gibber gabber with her friends. The only nice part about seeing my mom with her friends is that I realize she's not as loud and as embarrassing as I thought, her friends are worse. So, relatively speaking, my mom's not so bad. But as time went on, I realized that she started picking up all these annoying nuances from her friends and then all the positives about her meeting up with her old friends, morphed into negatives. She started picking up all these really annoying "country" style type of talk. I don't even know if "picking up" is appropriate, it's probably more accurate to say "regressing back" to that style of talking.

Anyhow, my dad and I managed to weasel out of there and left my mom and her friends to chat it up. Which I thought was GREAT! Freedom......................until I realized, I'm hanging out with my dad. We never hang out just us alone. This is weird. The only time we've been alone is when I needed a ride somewhere or I needed to drive him somewhere but it probably never lasted more than 20mins. Now we have the whole day to be together.....hmmmmmm.........interesting. Of course we didn't know what to do or where to go, so we ended up just kinda driving around aimlessly. He ended up somehow taking me to a granite/tile store. WEIRD. Then we went to a grocery store....didn't really buy anything. Then we ended up at another grocery store, but we just sat there in the parking lot. We didn't really talk.......cause he doesn't like to talk and we don't have much to say. So as the mins passed by, we just ended up taking a nap in a grocery store parking lot. When we woke up, he decided to go to a furniture store.........also weird.........

Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, but I guess we don't have a lot in common and we have a lot of trouble connecting.......so......many hours later, we were supposed to go meet up with my mom and her friends at this other friends' house. So we got there around 5:30ish? We were told that they were holding a PARTY and there was going to be some food there, so we shouldn't eat before hand. So we get, and there's NO food. They were still making it. And it's not even a lot of food, they were just making mochi (tong yuen). Yeah........that's all we were eating. O_O Anyway, it was just a long day of being deprived and disappointed by the lack of food. So we brought my mom's friend home and we called it a day.

Sunday:
My dad had to work today, so he was off the hook, so I officially became the head tour guide. So I ended up taking my mom and her friend out to breakfast, then we went to downtown, seaport village, coronado, my Aunt Judy's house, my Aunt Fay's house, and ended the night with some Korean food. (YUM!) Oh, let me also mention that I didn't know how to go to half of these places, so I was very stressed driving and navigating and listening to my mom and her friend chit chatting the whole day. I had a lot of near misses that day. Could have ended with terrible car crashes but thank goodness I was lucky. Thank you someone upstairs was looking out for me!

Monday:
Stayed home most of the day trying to get ready to come back to AZ. I still ended up taking my mom and her friend somewhere, and then I finally made my long journey back here!

This three day weekend ended up being just a long weekend of being my mom's tour guide/driver/butler. I can't believe how much I drove this weekend. Let me calculate this: 3hrs (friday), 4hrs (sat), whole day sunday, 3hrs (monday) = TOOO MANY HOURS OF DRIVING!!!!

Ahhh...I can't believe how much of a disdain I have grown towards long distance driving but yet, it seems like that's all I do nowadays. Oh goodness, I'm going to go collapse from exhaustion now....it's 9pm in AZ, good time for sleep! Good night!

I hope you had a good weekend! I miss chatting with you on the phone. Don't know when to call since I don't know if I'm going to be disrupting your resting or not. Let me know when you are free to chat a little and catch up :)

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Hippocratic Crush 2

I think you heard how I felt about the Hippocratic Crush 2 earlier. I don't like this one as much. I think the theme song is not as good, I don't like the new actors and I feel like they are trying too hard to elicit some emotion or teach a lesson about life. I mean, I'll keep watching, I have high hopes for it, hopefully, it'll pick up soon and I'll have more interest in the story lines. I'm on episode 3! :)

What did you want to talk about concerning the show? How do you feel about the new doctor (the older doctor)? Do you like the new love story lines? Whose your favorite character so far? Feel free to chat with me about it if you want to discuss things :)

I just got home, it's so late, it's almost 8 oclock. I went to a very mellow Zumba class tonight. A bunch of coworkers were going and they kinda invited me and I reluctantly went. I say reluctantly because I'm anti-social, not that my coworkers are not cool or anything. But I'm glad I went. It was fun and now I sorta feel like I have "friends". Or at least acquaintances...or at least I fit in a little more? A feeling of belonging...there we go.

I'm trying to eat, watch Hippocratic Crush 2 and blog at the same time, so sorry if this blog doesn't make a whole lot of sense. haha.

I'm really excited about the three day weekend coming up! No work on Monday! Woot woot! It doesn't matter what I do, I'm just really glad I don't have to deal with people for a few days. I don't know why I"m becoming so intolerant of people and so annoyed....I can't believe I'm going to be doing this job for the rest of my life. I guess I mainly just feel this way when I have really tough patients that give me a hard time. If my patients are easy or they are nice, it's not so bad. I've just been having a tough streak lately. Hopefully things will lighten up soon and I'll be more tolerant of people.

I'm sad that I had to cancel my plans to SF this weekend. I really wish I could have gone up to visit you. I still have a residual cough so I guess it's good I didn't come up. I would feel terrible if I somehow passed on some horrible disease to you and got you sick. That would be the worse case scenario and probably complicate your situation a LOT more.

I'm a little concerned. I feel like my boyfriend has been really distant lately. He normally doesn't talk much but lately he talks even less. And he doesn't call every night anymore or if he does, it's super late, so I'm already sleeping. And since he woke me up, he'd just tell me to go back to bed and not talk to me. I don't know what to think of all of this. He doesn't even gchat me during the day or text me or anything. I'll keep you updated on where all this goes....

Talking about updates, I still don't know how much money I owe in all my loans. Ugh, this whole thing is so frustrating.

I have admin time on Thursday afternoons but this afternoon, I didn't have any time at all, I was engaged in 3 hour meeting....or let me rephrase, I slept through a 3 hour meeting. One of those hours was for CPR training so I should have been paying attention. Oh well, either way I'm certified now! :) That lets you put a lot of faith in the health care system huh? Haha.

I hope you are doing ok today! I miss talking to you and chatting with you! *big hugs*

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

100th blog entry!!

Happy 100th posting!

I thank all your love and support or else I would have abandoned this blog a LONG time ago. Thanks for taking the time out to care about my boring life and read about it in writing! :)

I had relatively easy and friendly patients today. There wasn't a single "head scratcher" case today! It was amazing! I really enjoyed my job today! Whoa! Haven't said or thought that in a while! Just when I thought luck was swinging my way, I chart reviewed for the next week's patients and there isn't a single day I'm not overbooked. On some days, I'm overbooked three times over. How am I going to see all these patients? I don't know. I'm basically scheduled someone every 15mins. Pray they don't show up? Yes, I would do that, if I were religious. In my case, I think I'll just wish and wish and think really hard and hope they don't all show up.

So under the assumption that I'm under financial turmoil, I wouldn't buy anything right? Nope, not true. I was so happy with my patients today I went grocery shopping. Can you say credit card? Yes, I'm aware this is how people go in debt, they use money before they even have it. OH well, it was only like $11. I'm working really hard at collecting these "stamps" at Albertson's. So for every $10 I spend, I get one stamp. If I collect up to 20 stamps, I get something! And free stuff rocks!!! I know when you do the math, you really end up spending like $200...to get something that's probably worth like $1 but whatever, it's an incentive and I'm buying into their marketing scheme. They have to make money off of someone right?

It's a bad idea to go grocery shopping when you are hungry because you just want to buy  EVERYTHING! I said I wouldn't buy more candy but I did...IT WAS ON SALE!! How could I say no??

I think someone actually added me onto the clinic email list now because I get mass emails from everyone in the clinic nowadays. I feel included now! I'm happy but at the same time, I'm in a dilemma. They are inviting me to these cookouts and these zumba classes, and I sorta wanna go but I'm just so darn lazy. I like my evenings to myself sitting in my apartment. But at the same time, I always feel so happy after I come back from a social event. Ugh....I don't know, I always do this. I get mad when I'm not invited to things and when I get invited to things, I just don't go. I'm the world's biggest paradox. I just don't make any sense!

Do you think it's a coincidence that on the same day I tell my boyfriend I'm at least 20,000 dollars MORE in debt and there's a possibility that that sum is even MORE....he doesn't talk to me or call me?? Because that's what happened! He just texted me at like 9:30pm or 8:30 CA time and said he's "too tired" and doesn't want to talk. Really? Is this just a pre-break up text? Is he just letting me down gently? I don't know. Hm...something to think about. I'll see if he calls tonight....

I'm really hungry! I'm going to go eat now. I actually don't even know why I decided to blog BEFORE eating! Just makes me hungrier and more agitated. LoL. Ok, bon apetite!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Getting Mugged

I got mugged today!

Or at least that's what it felt like. $3000!! GONE!!! $2000 in credit card debt and then $1000 towards my loan repayment. OMG, the little money I started to save is GONE! I'm down to single digits in my bank account. Thank goodness Friday is payday! If I use more than $5 before Friday, I'm going to have to take out a loan!! How did this happen to me?? How was I able to manage all those years through school with minimal pay and now that I'm actually getting paid MORE money, I end up with LESS money?? OH yeah...........those annoying loans I have to repay! Knocking down my door every month, asking for money...oh my!

I'm very scared because originally, I thought I knew exactly how much I owed for my loans. There's this company that emails and mails me letters to keep me informed of how much I owe and when I should pay them back. That's good. I was keeping track really well and on schedule with my payments. Then BAM! Another company emailed me today and told me I have a loan with them I need to start repaying them back. EXCUSE ME?!?!?! Where did this company come from?? How many loans did I take out?? Is another company going to email me and ask me to start repaying their loans that I took out with them too??? OMG! I'm terrified! What is the total amount that I OWE?!?!?!?

I'm going to investigate now........stay tuned!

Monday, November 4, 2013

Monday's

Another Monday.

Wasn't too bad today. I was only overbooked once. I did have a few cases that made me scratch my head (literally and figuratively). In particular, it was this one case that had a million things going on. I'm terrible at cases that have a million things going on. I can at best address maybe one or two disease/complaints, but when there's a ton of complaints and a million findings, I just get lost. At the end of the day, I had to consult with someone, so I just sent the chart off to my boss and had to her take a look at it and give me some advice. I usually do this when I feel VERY VERY lost and need guidance. She's very nice about helping me out and giving me good feedback. I can't wait until I get the chart back and read her comments. Hopefully my chart isn't sprinkled with tons of mistakes.

Sometimes I look back at charts I've written and I just cringe at how poorly they are written. There are missing findings, missing critical details, spelling errors, etc etc. I re-read this chart I wrote a few days ago and it said "discussed with patient that there might be a bit of a weight". OMG, I was mortified!!!!
O_O That spelling error is just GLARING at me!! I was and STILL AM so embarrassed!!! I immediately wrote an additional note to retract my mistake "My apologies, I meant "wait" instead of "weight" Does this retraction make me look even dumber?? I don't know...I just hope no one ever reads this note!

Makes me think about how many other spelling and grammar errors and missing details I have on my other charts. Aiya!!

Even when I re-read my own blog entries or yelp entries I find a TON of errors. I think I know what my problem is. I tend to think faster than I can type and by the time I get to the end of a sentence, my brain is already thinking of something else and my fingers are typing as fast as they can to keep up but there's a disconnect between what is coming out of my brain and what is translated to my fingers. That's one theory. My other theory is that I'm not really paying attention when I type, I'm only half there because my mind ALWAYS wanders. I swear I have ADHD (self diagnosed) and since I'm only using half my brain's capacity, it's easy for spelling and grammar errors to just slip by. That's all the theories I have right now...I would say that the solution to all my problems is that I should just proofread all my stuff, but I SWEAR I re-read my charts 5 times over before I sign them and STILL...MISTAKES EVERYWHERE!!!

Since I woke up at 4:30am yesterday, last night, I decided I should go to bed at 7pm. It seemed like a really good idea until my mom calls me 3 billion times around 11pm. So because of daylight savings, it's really only 10pm in California, but 11pm here for me. So I'm super pissed off because I hate it when people wake me up. Someone better be dying if it's important enough to wake me up. That's pretty much my policy. So I answer the phone and my mom just tells me that she's calling for no reason, just wanted to talk to me and see how I was doing. O_O I hang up on her and try to go back to sleep. NO DICE. So...it's 11pm, I'm hungry and I'm wide awake. Ugh.

I start reading, because that always tends to make me sleepier, and it doesn't help! So I've finished like 2 chapters and it's like 11:30pm and I'm still hungry and very wide awake. So I just turn off the lights and TRY to go to sleep. I somehow managed to fall asleep, thanks goodness! But I wake up at 5am!!! Ugh. So I try to go back to sleep again, but no luck. So I'm rolling around in bed, just angry at my mom. I thankfully fell back asleep and woke again at 6am...or maybe I didn't sleep at all and I thought I did? I don't know, I just rolled out of bed because it seemed useless trying to go back to bed when my alarm was going to sound in 30mins anyway. So I had a ton of time to get ready this morning.

When I was getting ready...because my mind always wanders, I thought about how sad it would be if something happened to my mom and that was the last thing I did/said to her. I was so mean and so rude. I felt really bad. All this guilt. She gave birth to me and this is how I treat her? Gosh darn my conscious, this ALWAYS happens to me! I always feel bad after I'm mean to a family member, especially if it's my mom or dad. I'm probably going to call her soon and apologize for my behavior last night. I was so sleepy I'm not even sure what I said or did, but I'm pretty sure it was mean. It'd probably need some censoring if there were a child listening in on the conversation that's age 5 or younger. Ok, will add to "to do list". Call mom and apologize.

The other night I completely forgot to lock my front door! Yes! I was terrified when I woke up the next morning and realized that! Chills running down my spine! I went through every room and closet in the house making sure no one sneaked into my apartment and was hiding there waiting to kill me in my sleep. I guess if they really sneaked in that night and wanted to kill me in my sleep, they would have done it already, but STILL!! Very SCARY!! I have to double...no TRIPLE check my doors now! Make sure I'm locked up and SAFE!

I actually tried to cook today. I say that very loosely. I just had some left over celery I used for the chicken tortilla soup and I just stir fried it with some eggs. I'm pretty sure the eggs are expired. They have been in my fridge for a long time. That, and the carton is dated "expiration: 10/30/13". I guess a few days after the expiration date is still ok right? OMG, who am I? I sound like YOU! "It's ok to leave food out refrigerated". OMG, no it's not! Didn't you learn with your chocolate soymilk?? Haha. Every time I think about that story it still cracks me up. Haha.

Ok, it's like way past 7pm, I should go to bed now. Haha...jk....sorta...ZzZzZzZz.......

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Errands and Hiking!

Yesterday just flew by because it wasn't until I was nearly falling asleep last night did I realize that I didn't even blog yesterday. I actually did have a lot of errands to run yesterday and surprisingly, it took most of the day. I think it's mainly because I was too stubborn to drive so I ended up walking everywhere which took a bit longer than expected. 

Here was my "to do" list yesterday: 
  • go to the post office
  • to to the bank
  • turn in rent (yes, I actually forgot to turn in rent on the 1st!!)
  • drop off prescription to be filled
  • pick up prescription
  • attempt to make chicken tortilla soup 
Seems like a short list but going from one place to the other took a while. By the time I got home, I was exhausted and I still had to make soup. So this is my second attempt at making chicken tortilla soup and at the rate I'm going, it seems like I'm making vegetable soup more than chicken tortilla. Darn, how could these recipes lead me astray? :( 

Oh, somewhere in between all this, I took a big fat nap, I didn't really keep track but I'm pretty sure it lasted like 3-4hours. By the time I woke up, it was pretty much time to go to bed again. So, as I've been doing so religiously each night before bed, I picked up my book and started to read. Shortly after reading, I felt sleepy and I tucked myself into bed. That's when I realized I forgot to blog. 

So that leads us nicely into the events that have taken place today. 

My day started at 4:30am. Yes, you read that correctly. Actually, to be technical, I woke up at 2:30am. So I've developed this thing where if I know I have to wake up early, I naturally become a lighter sleeper and wake up a few hours BEFORE I'm suppose to wake up. So today, I was suppose to get up at 4:30am, so I ended up waking up at 2:30am, realized it was WAY TOO EARLY and went back to sleep. Then, I woke up at 4:15...which I tried again to go back to sleep, only to have very short periods of REM sleep where I just dreamed about waking up late and missing my alarm. These were like 1-2mins of dreaming/REM sleep before I would be awaken from my dream thinking I was late and jumping out of bed, only to realize I had like 9 more minuets of sleep. It was really really annoying. But finally, what seemed like 3 days of 1-2 dreams, it was finally 4:30am! ALARM goes off and I'm REALLY suppose to wake up! Great!

So why am I waking up so early? Just because I want to get an early start to breakfast. Haha, jk. That does seem like something I would do though doesn't it? I was meeting up with some co-workers to go hiking. We were suppose to meet at 6am. Can you believe it? There are people that like to wake up earlier than me! Anyhow...I dragged myself out of bed, ate breakfast, and got ready. It was still pitch black outside, you could have told me it was 11pm at night and I would have believed you. It was also cold...let me rephrase that, it was a little chilly. 

So I'm totally relying on this little post it with directions that I looked up from yesterday. Why am I so ghetto? Because I don't get internet on my phone here because it's in the middle of nowhere. Why won't I use the GPS on in my car? Because I get really poor GPS signal out here too. There, I'm on my own with my ghetto post it note directions, which would have been fine...if it wasn't so DARK and I could see street signs!! Let me remind you that being in the middle of nowhere means you are not important enough to have the city put up street lights where you are driving. So what does that mean? When you are driving at 5:30am, you are pretty much driving in pitch black with only your headlights to guide you. 

So I was doing ok, until I couldn't manage to find this one street. I got a little lost and I decided to go on the freeway (which is totally deviating from the post it note directions I wrote down) and try my luck there. I remembered looking on the map of how to get there, but I didn't really pay attention to details and street names so I was pretty much navigating off my terrible memory. Somehow, I managed to find the place. I don't know how I did it, but it must have been 95% luck and 5% skill. 

So ending up only 3 other people came. Two of them were my co-workers and one was the husband of one of the workers. Everyone was warning me that one of the co-workers was in really good shape and it's a really steep climb and I might not be able to keep up so they were going to try to slow down for me. I think for some reason, someone got the impression that I'm really out of shape so that's why they said that to me. Which is kind of true, I am sorta out of shape, I haven't run/gone to the gym in >2months or may be even more...??

So we started off on the trail and through the flat parts, everyone was keep up pretty well. Then when it got steep (and YES, it was pretty steep, I'm gonna lie) everyone started to slow down. I was still keeping good pace. It got to the point that they told me to go ahead because they were going so slow. So I did, I just walked off ahead. I got all the way to the top and I was huffing and puffing a little and I might have broken a sweat but because everyone else took so long to get up to the top, I was dried off and looking normal. Everyone thought I was so amazing because I didn't even look like I broke a sweat and I seemed so in shape but really, I think anyone could do this. Maybe it's not that I'm in shape, it's more like they are just not in shape. I bet if my boyfriend did this hike with me, he'd be running laps around me while I huffed and puffed up the hill. Either that or he'd be pushing me up the hill to help me climb up a little faster. I guess in comparison to him, I always feel like I'm super out of shape.

So because of all the breaks that everyone took, it took like 3 hours to hike this trail. I looked online, most people took 1 hour. O_O I'm going to lean on the side that they are just a little out of shape and less that I'm in shape. 

I took a big fat shower after I got home, feels good to be clean. I was super motivated to go shopping and try out a new restaurant (by myself, of course), but after my shower, I just got so lazy, and I ended up just sitting around at home and now I'm blogging. Wow, it's not even 2pm yet. CRAZY. Since I woke up so early, it feels like it should be at least 5 or 6 pm by now! 

Oh, it's also a little confusing/interesting this morning because I realized that it is daylight savings time in CA!!! But NOT in AZ!!! So when I woke up at 4:30, I guess it was really 3:30 in CA, and some of my clocks changed and some didn't, so I was very confused of what time it was. I think it was my computer that had CA time (and observed this day light savings thing) and my phone didn't (because it's SMART and it knows we are in AZ) so when I was comparing my phone and computer time this morning, I was REALLY confused. I mean, it was EARLY and I wasn't using all my brain cells since it was so early. But now I got everything straightened out :)

I think this daylight savings thing is going to be nice when I drive home because if I leave here at 5pm, it takes about 2.5-3hrs so I should get home by 7:30-8pm ish but since there is daylight savings, it's only 6:30-7pm ish! Nice! But when I drive back from CA to AZ, it's going to suck. Oh well, can't have it all. 

I got this new chai tea from Albertson's and it smells REALLY good when I brew it, but it only tastes ok. You know those types of food that you smell and you have this high expectation that it should taste as amazing as it smells? Well, this tea is like that. It smells like it should taste like heaven and then you drink it and all your grandeur expectations get squashed because your taste buds bring you back to reality that it's just a regular tea. Maybe I should add sugar or milk to it. Usually chai tea that I order at restaurants or cafe's taste really sweet and good, and it comes out a lighter color which makes me think they put milk in it. 

So I've been mulling over a comment that my boyfriend made the last time that I saw him. He said "Your hair is out of control." So naturally, that made me a little self-conscious. "Out of control"?? I know I have a lot of hair now but "out of control"? I ignored him at first because he's also so good about criticizing me, but then after looking at some pictures I've been taking lately, I kinda of agree.......OUCH. So I've been looking into getting a haircut. But like before, I want to donate my hair so it's going to be a drastic haircut. Very short. Based on my track record, I've only been cutting my hair every 2 years or so and it's only when I go back to China or when I go up to SF (where I found this pretty good hair salon). But I'm neither going back to China nor SF any time soon. I would have in Nov to visit a friend (you) but that trip got cancelled because of my recent infections/sickness (*cough cough), so now I'm in a bind. What to do...what to do...I've been combing Yelp for good reviews of hair dressers and there are just so many! Who do I listen to and who should I trust?? I don't know!! I'm so confused. Then I found all these reviews about people getting the Ombre look or the Brazilian blow out. I started to look up what all this stuff meant and I'm very fascinated/intrigued. I wish I had more money to throw at my hair so I can make it look as nice as a celebrity's hair when they walk down the red carpet...but I don't have much money or time on my hands. Have you read about the details of what they do during a Brazilian blow out?? It sounds ridiculously tedious and time consuming, not to mention, EXPENSIVE. I must say that the results do look amazing! The ombre.....um.....I don't know if I'd be willing to try that. I feel like once upon a time, I did that to my hair accidentally and I looked very malnutritioned. So, I think I might pass. Anyways, long story short, I need a haircut and I'm trying to find a hair dresser! Until then, I'm going to have to live with an untamed mane! 

Ok, I'm feeling a little nappy now, maybe I'll try to catch some ZzZ's like yesterday again :)

Hope your day is going well!