I don't know if it's just all the sadness from the recently close family friend death, but I have this yearning to share more thoughts with you. So two blog posts in one day...pretty crazy huh?
I was catching up with an episode of Grey's Anatomy, something that you don't do anymore, and there's a scene of someone breaking down outside of a patient's room. The guy is the patient's "lover". It's a complicated story but the patient is still married and there's this mutual agreement between the wife and the husband that their love has fizzled out and they both found other "lovers." They couldn't really stand the thought of going through a divorce so they just became two best friends married to each other but they have their respective lovers. Anyways, the patient is dying. So the lover is outside her room breaking down, saying "Why is this happening? I don't understand! No one can ever replace her, no one." It's a very emotional, tear jerking moment. It really hit a soft spot on me. It made me think of my mom's friend's son. He must be going through the same thing right now. So much pain. I tried to imagine what it must have been like when his mother passed away. He must have been devastated. Heartbroken. My mom tells me all the time about how close he is to his mom. It must have been so hard. It brings me to tears just thinking about how awful he must feel right now. How terrible it is to still live life without someone he loves so dearly. How much hurt he must be feeling.
You know that crazy theory that I'm going to die when I'm 30 years old +/- 5 years. I hope that happens because I don't want to go through any close family or friend deaths. When I was young, death seemed like such an abstract thing. I couldn't really relate to it. I knew about it but I never really thought about it. But in recent years, there has been so many deaths around me, it's become very real. It's something that can happen to any of us. I don't know how I would even handle the news, let alone, the recover period of trying to live without this person.
I always really liked the quote "You may only be one person in the world, but you may be the world to one person." This quote speaks volumes for what you can do and who you can touch in the world. Gives you perspective on things. Makes you feel so small and so big at the same time.
When I think about all of this, I always think about my parents. How much I love and admire them. They are so lucky to have found each other. I guess "found" is not the appropriate word. After all, it was an arranged marriage. But they are really lucky for it to have worked out and for how happy they make each other. I know my mom and I can argue a lot and drive each other insane, but at the end of the day, I love her. My dad and I have so much in common but he's not much of a talker. I don't feel particularly close to him, he's just someone that I admire and aspire to be like, but from afar. I love him a lot too. And my brother. OH gosh, where I should I start. He's so different than all of us. He's the "creative" one in the family. I'd like to think we are "practical". I don't think creative and practical can ever be friends. We can't even be acquaintances, but we learn to cope with each other because we love one another.
One of my favorite things to do is listen to my parents talk to each other. I like to hear about their thoughts on things, I like to hear about their life experiences, their juicy gossip about their friends (that I know), and much much more. To me, it's almost like a window into their world. When they share their experiences with me, it helps me understand them more as a person and it makes me happy I get to know them on a deeper level. When they share their thoughts and opinions on things, it makes me understand how they think and analyze things and that makes me feel like I'm in their mind, figuring out how they tick. When they gossip about others, it makes me laugh, because they always have weird/funny comments on their friends; helps me realize my parents have a playful side, they aren't so different than you and me. They can be young at heart. Just 20-30yrs older, but still the same child they once were.
You know people always talk about what their thankful this time of year. I'm very thankful for my family and friends. I am very thankful for all I've been blessed with. I am so lucky to have everything that I have. It's really silly for me to complain about anything because I'm probably more fortunate than at least half the world out there. I'm well fed, I have a loving family, I have great friends, I have everything I need, all the essentials and more. Thank you for all that I've been blessed with. And I really do wish the best for everyone else out there. My love and thoughts go out to my mom's friend's family. And as always, my love and thoughts go out to you. You've been an amazing friend to me. As aforementioned in this blog, I can't handle death, so don't you go dying on me. Fight this war, as hard as it is. There's some of us here waiting for you to get better so we can share more fun and exciting memories together again!
I'm thankful for you. I'm thankful to have met you. I'm very thankful for your friendship. I really do look forward to making more memories with you. I miss you.
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