Being Social

I'm so excited we got to talk last night! I'm really glad you are feeling more energized...enough to even talk to me! I'm sorry I didn't really have time to talk to you thought. Between all my social activities and my BF, I just don't have time anymore. See! This is why I don't socialize! And this is why I like to just lounge around all the time and be a home body. That way, if anyone calls, I'm available to talk to them. And I don't actually like being too active/social. Makes me feel like I am rushed and busy all the time and that I don't have my own time. I got home around 7pm last night, took a quick shower, made some food, talked to you, and then went over to my co-worker's for dinner (he cooked some stuff and so did I) and didn't come home until 9pm, in which I called you back to chat a little but then my BF called and then I had to talk to him. Busy busy busy, I tell ya! Ugh.

So this is how it all went down last night after we hung up and I started talking to my BF. After saying our "hello's" he just casually said "just come up". It was REALLY casual, like he didn't even care. Then I asked him if he had been thinking about it all day and how he felt when I said I wasn't coming up and his answer was "I didn't even think about, I was busy with work the whole day". That always happens. He always thinks about work instead of me. Even when I'm on the brink of cancelling a trip to go see him he still doesn't let it bother him, he just ignores it and thinks about work. Is this someone that I can imagine myself with the rest of my life? Can I accept that I will always be #2 while his job is #1? I don't know. I guess since I am with him, that means I'm trying to accept it right? I am trying to be a happy independent person here but I think his lack of care does get to me sometimes. I would like to respect his needs to let him worry about his work only while I just do my own thing, but it's just hard. I know to be in a relationship with someone you should accept them for who they are and love them for all their imperfections, but can I and should I just let this go? Is this going to be a problem after we are married? I don't want to feel like I'm neglected all the time. I know he's not going to change, so if I am going to be with him, the options are, either I learn to deal with this or I just leave him. *sighs  I'll think about it.

Let's talk about something else LESS depressing. So I found this pictures yesterday, it's a picture that encompansses a lot of Chinese proverbs. See if you can identify any! I only was able to identify a few. I had to look at the website for an explanation. If you want an explanation, you'll have to click on this link: http://writecantonese8.wordpress.com/2014/02/25/cantonese-proverbs-in-one-picture/

Muahhahaha! You'll have to click on a link that I sent you! Will this be the first time you do it?? Are you curious enough about the Chinese proverbs to do it?? LOL




You know how I'm super baby crazy and I want a baby like right NOW! They are so cute! I can't wait to have my own baby! But anyways, everyone is telling me about the downside of having a baby and one of them is how you have to take care of them 24/7 and you won't have time to rest. Just like what the following picture says...



Good thing I don't "sleep in" Muahahah! I've got the last laugh baby! I'm ready to have a BABY!! BRING IT ON!!!


I don't know if you are aware of this but there is this Godiva rewards club that you can be a part of. You get special deals and a free piece of chocolate every month. My brother has been getting it for a while, so now I'm signing up so I can get it too! There aren't any Godiva's here but when I go home to visit my parents, I'm sure I can get it then :)


So there are only a few people in clinic that have keys, only the providers and the managers I believe. So I guess this morning none of the providers or managers showed up early, so there were a few people standing up for an HOUR waiting for someone to show up and open the doors. Since I live close to the clinic, someone called me at 7ish to come over and open the doors for everyone. Since I was ready to go, I left my apartment went to clinic immediately and saved the day. Everyone's still kinda upset they had to wait so long for the door to open but they are happy I came to open the door for them, I guess.


My stomach has been giving me a lot of GRIEF lately. It's always been feeling kind of queezy, I don't know if I just ate something wrong and upset it or if it's because I'm getting anxious about travelling. I feel like that has been happening lately. I get really anxious about travelling because I worry I'm going to eat something that is going to set off my stomach and then I get stomach aches even BEFORE I travel and I get stomach issues. You know how I have stomach issues! You know! I hope it resolves before I travel! I can't travel like this! I've been going to the bathroom like 5-6 times a day!!! And I'm not talking about going #1!! That's not a good sign! :(

Repeating History

I got in a fight with my BF last night. It was all going pretty well. We talked about Hawaii, he's not that interested, he actually really wants me to go with you, so I'll continue to look up tickets and let you know. But it all went back when I brought up our past again. This has always been such a touchy topic for us. I understand why he doesn't want to bring it up. He made mistakes and he just wants to forget about it and put it all behind us. In theory, if I really truly, fully forgave him, I would not mention it either. But for some reason, that just feels like I'm sweeping it under the rug. I think I'm still haboring feelings of resentment sometimes and I still feel a little like I'm making a mistake by being with him. Sometimes I think about all the grief I've been through, all the sadness/darkness/depression I had to endure because he treated me poorly, it makes me really resent him and feel like he doesn't deserve another chance with me. But then again, we are dating again, so all that is moot point. My parents/whole family loves him, so that doesn't help, they are bias. Sometimes I wonder if I made the wrong choice in accepting him back. Being with him has never 100% felt right. I think I still have all these internal struggles I'm surpressing. I really do want to talk through it with him, but every time I bring up the topic, he just gets so upset. It's almost like I did something wrong! He gets really angry about why I'm bringing it up again and how there isn't anything we can do about what's happened in the past and then he says things like "if you don't trust me, then maybe you should rethink whether you even want to be with me or not". I hate it when he does that. He doesn't even try to work things out, he just throws in the white towel and gives up. I feel like he's giving me an ultimatum "either be with me and deal with it, or let's just break up". It's really frustrating when he doesn't want to talk at all about this. He just pushes everything onto me. It's MY fault I brought this up again, it's MY fault that I'm causing us both anguish, it's MY fault that we are going through a "rough patch" again, it's MY fault that we are on the brink of breaking up and now it's MY decision to destroy our relationship or not. Ugh!!!

I texted him this morning telling him that I'm willing to cancel my trip this weekend to go visit him. Even though, we have planned this trip for a while, I took two days off of work and we've rescheduled this trip ONCE before...I'm willing to cancel again, because if we are going to be this miserable this weekend when we see each other, I'd rather not go up there. Travelling is actually really stressful for me now. I don't enjoy it anymore. I know I really enjoyed it before when we were travelling around in Asian, but things have changed now, I have changed now. Maybe it's because I "travel" so much now, going back and furth between here and my parents' home, or maybe I'm just sick of the trip up there since there's such a long lay over all the time and it extends my travel time 4-6hours to get up there. It's really tiring. I'm tired. I'm tired of all this drama. Why is life so hard? Can't it just be simple and happy. Enjoy friends/family's company with some good food. That's all I ask for. Just good company with good food = good times. I don't need all the other fancy stuff. I just want things to be simple. It's always so complicated. So frustrating.

I guess if I don't go up to visit him this weekend, I can reopen my clinics monday/tuesday. I'm sure my patients will be happy I'll have two more days to see them. Maybe this whole fancy life I've created in my mind with my BF, this whole supposed future I have with him was all just a dream. It's always just been a dream. I'm such a fool, it's never worked out in the past before, why do I think it's going to work out again? It's really true you know, those that fail history are always doomed to repeat it.

Dumb guys vs girls

I've got to say I've been pretty addicted to these unsweetened, unsulfered dried pineapples from Trader Joes. And knowing where I live, it's not like I can easily access Trader Joe's so I've been making trips back home to get some every time. They are SOO GOOD! I haven't ever tried them because they look very unappetizing but I actually decided to try them one day and OMG, looks are decieving! They are really good! You should try them! I highly recommend them. They smell really good too! That's half of the taste! :)

So you know how sometimes when girls are being stupid, guys thinks it's really cute and they just think the girl is dorky? Well, it's such a double standard because when guys are being stupid, girls think it's such a turn off. Well, maybe I should say "girls" like I'm speaking for the entire population here and making this huge generalization, but I am inclinded to believe that MOST girls thinks that guys that are stupid is not attractive. But it's funny how I feel like most of the time guys like girls that are really stupid. Well, not like stupid stupid, but you know the dorky, ditzy, kinda bimbo stupid. Maybe it's because of evoluation or how our society has evolved. There's always shows about this, where guys are intimidated by smart women and how smart women are always alone because they intimidate guys so much that no one will ask them out so they end up being alone. What a silly society that we live in where smart women and dumb men are ostracized. But I guess this isn't the only thing that separates men and women and the only double standard we have, so I probably should just stop here and not open that can of worms.

You might wonder why I started blogging about this...good question! It's because I just finished seeing this patient that is kinda slow and not super smart and the whole time I'm examining him I'm thinking about how unattractive being he's acting. Of course, I'm sure he's unaware of it, because to him, he's probably just being himself. But as I rant off about how unattractive this is, he has a wedding ring on, so SOME girl out there thinks he's attractive in some way. So maybe all this ranting just applies to me and me only.

I know I talked about my wake up call and trying to eat less (which is prob) not going to work and maybe working out more so I can actually lose some weight. But as I'm blogging right now I'm stuffing my face with food. I started this blog off talking about how delicious the dried pineapple is! Well, the reason I talked about that is because I'm actually eating it right now. GOOD stuff!

My BF pointed out that if I want to lose weight I'll probably have to try EVEN harder now because my metabolism has prob slowed WAY down. That's prob why it's so easy for me to gain weight here. Ugh! Blast my food/digestive problems! There's got to be something neurologically wrong with me! I've got this massive appetite all the time, that's got to be some neurological issue where my appetite surpressant factors are turned off in my brain or something. I just eat until it hurts and that's definitely not right.

My friend in Hawaii bought a house! He's inviting me over to go visit. I'm trying to look up flights to Hawaii but they are all pretty expensive. I want to go during summer so I can avoid the terrible heat here but then again, when I think about it, I don't know if it's that great to go to Hawaii during summer. Isn't it super hot and humid there too? And then there's going to be all the kids that go with their parents for summer vacation...you know how that is. Maybe I should go in May before it gets hot and before the summer vacations start?

Wedding and Taxes

Hello again! I do apologize for my spotty blogging. Believe it or not, I have been busy with other things here. Whether it be work related or something else, I've been out and about.

On Friday I had a really rough day. At the end of the day, my last patients, I just about had it. I almost just broke down and cried. I had just about had it that day. I had a super super super busy schedule, and when I'm that busy, it's basically all hands on deck at that point. I really needed the help of my technician. I realized that she hadnt been at her desk for a while since I had three patients waiting for her to get scanned or get extra testing. So I walked around the clinic search and searching for her. I even asked several other people to help me look for her. No one found her. I ran into a nurse and she finally told me she was having chestpains and was getting an EKG done. I knew it was going to be something that like. This has happened a couple times already. Whenever she goes missing for a while, I know something has gone wrong. I was so worried she was just passed out somewhere. So somewhere in between all this craziness of juggling my schedule, doing her job, and looking for her, she returns looking very sick. She persisted and stayed to work, so I let her. She ran one test for me on one patient and before that test had been even completed, the ambulance came for her. I guess the EKG was abnormal and someone called the ambulance for her. So she left the clinic in a stretcher. And throughout all this commotion, I was still seeing patients and trying to stay a float. So after all that excitement, I was on my own. Good thing the afternoon wasn't super busy but I guess by the time the afternoon came around, I was already super tired and wiped out from the morning. I think if I just had normal patients in the afternoon I would have been able to make it. But I had the most difficult patient and he took SO LONG. I could feel my heart rate increasing and stress level rising as the mins passed and I was running into the next patient's time. It was a pretty terrible exam that I gave him. First, there was a language barrier, he didn't really speak English so everything went through his family members. And most of the time went down the drain by just watching them talk to each other. I had no idea what they were saying or what was going on. I couldn't really interrupt because they were so involved in the conversation. It was really awful. The patient himself wasn't very responsive to anything I did and wasn't super cooperative. I was about to just walk out of there and quit. Well, either that or tell them to come back on another day I was super tired and behind. Oh boy, it was quite a Friday.

I stayed here this weekend, didn't go home to visit my family. I attended a wedding here on Saturday. It was a more casual wedding so I didn't wear a dress. I arrived and found out everyone was really dressed up with ties and really pretty dresses. I felt so dressed down. So I tried to squeeze myself into these slacks that I haven't worn in a while. And even before, I felt that the slacks were pretty tight. And when I tried to put them on on Saturday....OMG, it was like a wake up call...I gained so much weight here! I definitely have to join a gym and work out more. I say work out more because we all know the "eating less" plan does NOT work for me. I can't believe how much weight I have gained here. Well, I can believe it because I don't want to face the truth. So I checked out a gym here and I'm super interested in joining. I'll see how it goes.

Sunday I spent most of my day trying to do my taxes. I'm pretty sure the federal one went really well but the state ones were SUPER confusing. I had to do TWO state taxes and they asked really weird questions that I didn't understand. I think I'm going to have someone do my taxes this year, I don't think I can handle them anymore. And I definitely don't want to do it wrong. :(

Have you gotten my cards yet?

Bed Bugs

This picture is really scary, thought I'd share...



I'm still really skeptical I have bed bugs.....should I try to fight this? Or do you think I should just pay for the bed bug treatments?

Obsessions and Convos

My goodness, yesterday was just a hodge podge of bizzare, complex cases. I'm still pondering over them. I don't mind getting interesting cases but not like 50 of them all in one day! A little overwhelming. I'm wondering what life is going to be like when I get students and it's double the amount of patients in half the amount of time. It's going to be a zoo, that's for sure! I ended up not leaving clinic until 7:30pm last night. I was just sitting in front of the computer thinking about these patients and the findings that I saw. CRAZY.

I think I have developed an unhealthy obsession. I know you are probably thinking of something related to food or something crazy, but it's not! It's actually related to baby Henry! I can't stop looking at his pictures. OMG, every moment I get, I'm just scrolling through his pictures on my phone. He's SOOOO ADORABLE!! I'm sharing these pictures with EVERYONE, especially my BF, which is not commenting on any of the photos at all. At first I'm just ignoring him ignoring the photos, but I actually confronted him last night and he said he was not commenting on them on purpose. Since you and him are SO similiar, can you guess why he hasn't been commenting on them? Yes, your guess is probably right, it's because he doesn't want to encourage me and my baby crazy behavior. *blows raspberries*

A few things my BF said to me last night are worth mentioning. I forgot, did I tell you that he's not restricted to his 9pm chats anymore? So he called me earlier, but we didn't really say or talk that much because he was cooking dinner. I don't even remember what we were talking about but out of no where...

BF: I have to tell you something
me: yes?
BF: So, I've been thinking about us...a lot
me: *thinks to myself* OH NO! Is he having second thoughts???
"yes?...and?"
BF: so what's new?
me: WAIT! what??? What have you been thinking about? Don't change the subject!!
BF: what? what are you talking about?
me: you just said that you have been thinking about us...a lot...what does that mean?
BF: nothing, so what's new with you?
me: WHAT?? stop changing the subject!! Tell me!! What are you thinking about?? Is it something bad??
BF: I don't know what you are talking about, I didn't say that...
me: OMG! Tell me ALREADY! Stop playing games!
BF: I've just been thinking a lot about us...
me: What does that MEAN?!?!?
BF: I've been thinking about how much I love you.
me: *silence

I swear the silence lasted for like 2 mins...

BF: hello??
me: OMG, I'm sorry, I was so shocked...I didn't realize I wasn't talking. I'm speechless.
BF: hahahaha......ok.....
me: *still silence

Yeah..that's seriously what happened! Isn't that shocking?? I thought he was going to break up with me or something but this came out of left field! Crazy!

So this past weekend, when I was fumigating and washing my entire wardrobe, my BF's parent's and his sister went up to visit him. So I guess they started acting a little like my family.

BF's mom: So are you serious about this relationship?
BF: maybe...
BF's mom: What's the plan?
BF: don't know...
BF's sister: you should have her move up here soon
BF: why?
BF's sister: you need time to get used to being in the same city as each other again
BF: we've lived together and that was fine, I think it'll be fine
BF's sister: no, you need to live in the same city together for at least 6 months

That's as much as he shared but I'm so glad my family's not the only family that thinks I'm crazy for still being single! He's starting to feel the pressure too...Muhahaha!

BF: I think I'm going to be fired soon, I'm not producing any results

So when someone says something like that to you, I feel like the appropriate response should be sympathy or compassion for the other person's misfortune, but all I could think of was "opportunity." I mean, think about it, I don't know what's going to happen with me or where I'm going to end up. He's already established at his city, but he thinks he might be fired soon...that means that maybe we can both end up in our hometown! It might work out! I'm excited! I'm sure I'm the only one though. Hahaha.

I had to go to the bank really early this morning. I walked there too. I was afraid someone was going to either kidnap me or mug me. There was this one suspicious car following me but I think he just happened to be driving along the path that I was walking. Well, I say that because I wasn't mugged or kidnapped, so I think that's a good sign he wasn't up to something bad.

My dad's so sweet, he called me yesterday to check up on my bug bites and my situation. My mom hasn't even done that. For some reason, I think my mom might have put him up to it. Because as soon as I said I was fine, he said ok and hung up on me. LoL. But then again, that's always how brief conversations with my dad is. He's a man of few words. But that's what makes talking with him so precious. Not like my mom, where she drones on for hours. OMG! I just realized something!!! When my BF talks to me he probably doesn't feel like that time is precious because I talk for so long. Ok, I'm going to try to make things brief from now on. Good plan self. *pats on back

I haven't talked to you in a long time. Oh yeah! Did you get my card? I don't even remember how long ago I sent it. I recently sent another one. I think this one is even better! :)

Hope you have a good day! :)

Pusheen

Poor Kurtis has been fumigated, spot washed with lysol wipes and regular water, his fur hasn't been the same since :( I'm so sad. He's not as soft as he was before. *sighs. My BF suggested that I wet him and then blow dry him so maybe his fur will soften again, but I don't know if I want to do anything else to him, poor baby :(

Yea, I'm hoping to get together with Danny and his sister next time Danny's back. Or maybe when I go up to visit you, I can visit Danny too :)

I went to bed at 7pm last night. Can you believe that? And I woke up at 6am, so I slept for like 11 hours and I'm STILL tired. This is CRAZY! I think it's because I'm sleeping on a very uncomfortable couch. It's seriously pretty uncomfortable. Maybe I should just sleep on ground. Eh...on second thought, maybe the couch sounds better. I can't wait until all this craziness is over! I want to just go back to sleeping on a nice bed and not worrying about bugs! I called this guy that cleans carpets and he said it would cost me like $80 to clean my carpets. Ugh. I already owe like $150 for this bed bug treatment and now I'm going to have to cough up another $80 for carpet cleaning. Oh well, "you gotta do, what you gotta do." I think that's the quote? hmm..

So you know how my BF only called me after 9pm because he's on the family plan and he doesn't want to run up his minuets so he calls me when it's free mins? Well, they recently upgraded their plan and now they have unlimited mins and texting. So he can call me whenever to talk! I went to sleep at 7pm last night, so we didn't talk, I missed his call, but he still called me at 9pm. LoL. I guess it's hard to kill old habits.

I'm really starting to worry about my weight gain now. At first I felt like I have come to terms with it but now I'm starting to not fit my pants and my belly buldges out of my clothes...so I'm very concerned. I'd say I'd eat less but that's not going to happen. I want to say I'll exercise more, but there's no 24 hour fitness here and I refuse to pay for 2 gym memberships when I'm still so poor. And my life style as of recent has been terrible. Like last night, I went to bed immediately right after I stuffed myself silly with food. You are never suppose to go to bed immediately after eating BIG meals and every night, I eat big meals. Believe me. I keep having these nightmares that I'm going to be like 300lbs. Aiya. I say this as I'm eating a big fat piece of orea cake right now LoL.

I'm afraid I really don't have much to update today because I've been just largely sleeping and eating lately. LoL. I really don't do much beyond that. Oh! I can tell you about how I ended up eating so much last night. So I was talking to John yesterday before work ended and I was just saying how it's really hard for me to eat in my apartment now because I'm so afraid of accidently ingesting poison. So he gave me his key to his apartment and said to go eat at his place. So knowing me and how I can't resist food, I took his key. It felt so wrong. I felt like I was breaking into his apartment and stealing all his food. But he cooks REALLY good food! I was totally WAY over indulging! His fridge was FULL of delicious food! I was so full I could barely walk by the end. I think it was because I was so full that when I got home, I couldn't move or do anything so I sat down on the couch and just fell asleep. I sound like a LAZY FAT person. *rolls eyes* LoL. Have you seen pusheen on FB? I feel like pusheen.



Yeah, this guy. This is totally my expectation vs reality. LOL.

I always think I'm going to eat healthy and exercise a lot and then in reality, it doesn't happen.

Oh man, I think I have a headache too. I don't think I've drink enough water lately. Ugh.

So in my spare time, I've been scrolling through pictures of Baby Henry. I think I'm obsessed with him. Or just babies in general. But he's so cute! Yea, I want my own baby and I want my own baby NOW!

Fumigation..ugh

It's been a crazy few days but it's a start to another new week.

I missed Zumba last Thursday to go to Home Depot and purchase self-fumigation canisters. I used the entire evening to pack away all my food and dishes, so my apartment is a mess right now. Friday morning, before I went to work, I closed all the windows and doors and set off all the fumigation canisters in my apartment. I went back during lunch time to vent out my place. Then I left for home after work. When I got home, my parents "fumigated" me before I went into the house and they wouldn't let me bring my stuff in, I had to leave everything in the car. I brought my entire wardrobe home with me so I would have the whole three day weekend to wash everything. So Saturday, I went to the local laundry mat, and used THREE "super giant" washing machines which cost like 15 quarters each to wash all my clothes. Keep in mind, these are just clothes I had from my apartment. Good thing I still have some clothes at home to wear. Then I had to use TWO gianormous dryers to dry them for like 40mins but they still didn't dry so I had to take them home and slowly dry them little by little at our home dryer. So all of this took almost the whole day. In between, I had to drop by the dry cleaners (because some of my clothes were dry clean only). I also managed to squeeze in some time to visit Henry, my baby nephew. Oh, he's such a cutie pie. In the evening, to thank my brother for all his help, I took him and my Dad out for Sushi. My dad really enjoyed it! He wants to go back another time with my mom! So that was Saturday.

Sunday I just ran errands with my mom, driving here and there and just everywhere. My brother said he had to go back to work around 2pm, so we sent him off and then my mom and I ran more errands. But my brother called me about 40mins into his drive and told me that they called him and he didn't have to go to work. So he met us up at the mall, I didn't tell my mom that he was coming, so he surprised my mom and it was nice. We all just went shopping for a little bit and then went out for Korean food at night. After dinner we went to visit Henry again, we can't get enough of that little cutie. I am sorta baby crazy, I have to admit.

Monday, we ran more errands. I was going to try to meet up with "Andy" but that was a bust. He wasn't willing to meet me at a neutral place and wanted me to go over to his mom's house. Which would have been awkward. Anyways, long story short, he wasn't willing to work with me so it didn't work out. I guess I'll just have to make a trip up there and investigate myself. For lunch I met up with Danny's sister. She just got engaged and she's going to get married this year in September!! My mom and brother went to the lunch meeting too, she brought her fiance. It was nice. My mom keeps saying how it's unfortunate that her mom didn't get to see her get married. She just passed away and here she is getting married. My mom felt really bad about that. I headed up early to check ou the damage of my place. The apartment manager told me that a professional pest company was going to come and treat the bed bugs at my place. I'm still kinda upset about it because they didn't ever tell me how they were going to treat and they didn't even give me special instructions to pack away food or anything, so I left some food out and I'm pretty sure they fumigated again because there was a sign that said "DO NOT ENTER" when I got back to my apartment. Ugh. So all the COSTCO size food stuff that I left out is going to be thrown away because they fumigated without telling me. I'm so upset about that. They also they are going to come back in March, so I'm going to just live out of my laundry baskets and try not to take stuff out because I don't want repack everything in a few weeksn when they fumigate again. I'm also still sleeping on my couch which is very uncomfortable.

I can't wait until my life returns back to normal and I can sleep on a bed and stop living out of a small laundry basket and have to santize everything because I eat it because I'm fearful that I'm going to ingest fumigation toxins. Speaking of which, my stomach hurts.

John, my doctor friend here, told me that he has a friend that ate some food that was left out during fumigation and she slipped into acoma! When she awoke, she couldn't WALK! She just recently recovered and started to walk again! So I don't want that happening to me! I'm really scared now! I'm going to google what types of foods are ok to eat after fumigation. Maybe something is salvagable....

Happy Valentine's Day!

Ok, here's what you've missed from last night until now. I was really distraut yesterday because my brother refused to let me come home this weekend and I didn't really know how to handle this whole bed bug situtation. So I called my Dad a few times and I even started crying one of the times because I was just at a loss. You know one of those slipper slope situations where it's like one thing leads to another and before you know, you feel like your whole life is spiralling downhill. I just started talking about how crazy it is that I got bed bugs, how did that even happen? Then I started thinking about that dirty mattress and why in the world did I think it's a good idea to take that mattress from my Aunt's garage when she offered it to me. Then I thought about why did I even move here? What am I doing here? There's nothing here for me! Where is my life going??? And before I knew it....I broke down.

Anyway, long story short, my dad came up with a solution. This is why I love him. He told me to get some fumigation canisters from Home Depot and self fumigate this morning before I leave for work. Then go back at lunch and air out the place, by the end of work, it should be ready to go and I can bring all my stuff back home and wash it. It was a good plan, until I realized I'd have to hide all my food and dishes. Then wash all my clothes and EVERYTHING that was exposed to this stuff so I don't accidentally ingest poison. I was hesitant about this plan, but I got the canisters. I talked to my BF about it last night and he thought it was a bad idea. Given how clumsy I am, he thought something would go wrong. I have to say, I kind of agreed. What if I accidentally sprayed my eyes and then I couldn't see and couldn't get out in time and then just died. Well, obviously, since I'm here and I did it already, that didn't happen, I didn't die. But something did happen that makes me realize I'm not spy material.

So I packed away all my food, put away all my dishes and got ready for this crazy self fumigation. To prep, I double checked to make sure I had my wallet, ID, and keys. To be sure, I put my ID and my keys in my pocket of my jacket. I uncapped the first canister and started the process in my masterbedroom. I ran out of there and closed the door. Then started the second bedroom. I then ran to the livingroom and got that started and then ran out the door and locked my apartment.  When I started to walk to work, I realized that I lost my ID. It wasn't in my pocket anymore. Ugh. So I had to go back into my apartment, WHEN THIS FUMIGATION PROCESS IS ALREADY GOING ON, and find my ID. Good thing I didn't have to search too long and go too into my apartment. But I still think I got some of those fumes. Just as I thought, I'm so clumsy. Not good spy material.

So because of all this craziness yesterday, I missed ZUMBA. I was really looking forward to it. I haven't been good about exercising and I've missed Zumba THREE weeks in a row already. Ugh. Oh well, I guess this whole bed bug business is a little more important. Once I get this craziness behind me, then I can move on with my life. Either that or slowly get poisoned by the fumes...either or. Oh and did I ever tell you that the ONLY emergency room they have here doesn't take insurance?? So you have to pay out of pocket for your needs?? They can do that because have NO competition and they can make these crazy rules. So I've decided that I'm not going to be slapped with some crazy ER bill, so if something happens to me here, just let me DIE. I'm not going to the ER because I cannot afford it. So if I just suddenly drop off the face of the Earth, you don't hear from me, you can assume it's because I got fumigation poisoning, refused ER care, and DIED.

The only thing that I'm really concerned about is that it leaks into someone else's apartment and kills them or my smoke detector goes off and someone goes into my apartment and they die, or I neglected to turn off my pilot light and my apartment explodes. Well, I guess I'll find out at lunch time when I return.

Oh, Happy Valentine's Day! I got some flowers from my BF yesterday but I think they are going to die in this fumigation process LoL. What a short beautiful life. I'm talking about the flowers. Ok, you probably got that. And he got the Dora, the explorer, Valentine's card I got for him. It's really cool, it comes with Dora stickers. Hahaha.

Everyone's so into Valentine's Day today, I've gotten TWO valentine's already and I didn't even get anyone else anything. Well...I have bed bugs, people probably shouldn't accept anything from me, shouldn't touch me or even LOOK at me. My BF is still not completely sure I have bed bugs....which sorta makes sense. But if that's what the Pest Control people said, then I guess I should believe them? It's just weird how no one else got bitten this whole year except me. And my bites are more consistent with mosquitoe or spider bites. Oh well, that fumigation is suppose to KILL EVERYTHING so MUHAHAHAHAHAHA. Whatever is in my apartment is going to DIE!!! OMG! I left Kurtis in there!!! O_O OH NO!!!!!!

Married with Child coming soon

After a almost a whole day and a whole night, I'm still shocked that my HS friend is MARRIED and expecting a baby. It seems like you are more interested in the whole thing than I am, which is funny. There are a lot of theories going around as to why this marriage happened/exists, but as you said, I won't know until I fly up there and investigate myself. I'm not sure if I want to live with them, that would seem kinda weird and awkward. I would say that I'm willing to sacrifice in order to help the truth surface but then again, I'm not a journalist and I don't have that motivation. I feel like "gossip" is my motivation right now to investigate further. Is that even a valid reason to pry into someone's life? I'm going to have to think about that one.

I slept on the couch last night. It actually wasn't awful, I don't feel that achy anywhere, but I feel really tired. I did have to wake up several times in the middle of the night because my hands and legs itched so much. I had to run some hot water on them to relieve the itching and then apply some steroid ointment. It was really annoying. I took Benadryl again last night but I'm still swelling. Maybe I would have swelled a lot more if I didn't take Benadryl? I don't know. Am I getting used to the drug and it's not working as well on me anymore? The Pest control people are coming today, I hope they kill all those nasty bugs that are making a fiest out of me! I had this dream last night that a really BIG spider with RED eyes was crawling towards me and getting ready to bite me. *shivers

I'm going to add BUG BITES to my list of "most likely things to kill me." I have a poor memory so I know I've forgotten most things on this mental list of mine. But I started this list in college and a few things I remember on it is "death by steroid poisoning due to excessive intake of chicken" because at the time I ate a lot of chicken and I found chicken is always hopped up on steroids to make them BIGGER and more MEATY. So that was a BIG concern of mine. Something else I remembered was on my list is "Death by getting run over by a bike or skateboarder" because I had a few almost fatalities by people rolling uncontrollably down a BIG hill in college and not being able to break in time so they used me as their break. NEAR fatalities I tell you! Those seem to be the only two that I remember right now but I'm pretty sure I had like 10 things on my list. Oh well, bug bites is going to be added to the list!

I mentioned how I was going to try to plan a trip in the summer to go visit you to my BF last night. To my utter surprise, he actually said "so you aren't going to plan a trip to come visit me over the summer?" I paused. My thoughts just evaporated because I felt like that came out of left field and I didn't know how to respond. "Wow, you actually care about me coming to visit you?" was what I was thinking but good thing I didn't actually verbalize it. What actually came out was "uh..............." this is me thinking...and then I said "I'll come visit you too...?"...still shocked and confused...."ahem, I mean, I have enough vacation days, I'll come visit you too". Then my BF continued with "If you don't come, it'll be a missed opportunity".......that sentenced confused me again so I didn't know what to say in response to that. I think I completely ignored his comment and just said "So I'm sleeping on the couch tonight" and that's how the conversation changed to something else. What does he mean by "missed opportunity". An opportunity for what? Sometimes I feel like my BF and I are on different channels...different wavelengths. He's so much smarter than me and always like 5 steps ahead of me, it's hard to imagine that we can follow each other's thoughts. Which I feel like, sometimes, we don't follow each other's thoughts. Just like how I ignored his comment, I'm sure he ignores a bunch of things I say to him ALL THE TIME. Like I said, he just spaces out when I talk to him and then when an hour rolls by, he slips in the old "I'm tired, should go to bed now, bye" and then we hang up. Makes me wonder if we are going to work out as a couple.

So I got a few episodes further yesterday on Brother's Keeper. You're right that it kind trails HK history a bit. It's really interesting to find out everyone's back story. My BF seems to think Linda Chung is REALLY pretty. I think she's ok. There was this one article a while back where I saw someone comparing her face to a Taiwanese male popstar and ever since I saw that comparison, I never really thought about her in the same way anymore. I just tried googling it, I couldn't find the exact picture, but I think this guy is who she got compared to:



very similiar faces right?? Can't you just image her looking exactly like this guy if she had the same haircut???

Surprise MARRIAGE!

Yesterday, near the end of the day, I almost DIED of itchiness. I don't know why I got this sudden terrible itchy attack on the itchy patch on my hand. The one of my eye just swelled but it wasn't super itchy. The one on my foot itches sometimes but the one on my hand has given me the most itch attacks. And they are BAD! So itchy I can't think or do anything else but scratch at my hand. I know i'm not suppose to, because supposedly it just spreads the toxins and makes things worse but I can't help it! It's just too itchy! And when you finally scratch it, it just feels SO GOOD! I'm just clawing at my skin daily. I had to RUN home as soon as work ended yesterday and run some really hot water on it to relieve the itch.

I'm pretty sure I got a few other NEW itchy patches last night. OMG, what is going on? Do I have a bug issue in my apartment? What do people do about this? This is crazy! I keep waking up in the middle of the night scratching myself and when I look at the areas in the morning, it's a BIG RED ITCHY PATCH. All of the itchy patches I've gotten here have left SCARS too! It's not bad enough they leave me itching for weeks, but they leave big old scars to remind me of their short lived annoyance. I'm really considering sleeping on my couch. But I don't know if it's my bed or my sheets or my blankets, how do you even tease apart those issues? It's also a really big concern of mine that my bed was from my Aunt. It's been stored in her garage for who knows how long! And it had all these ugly patches and stains on it. It was really gross. I'm surprised my parents actually let me sleep on it! Maybe those bugs are finally slowly crawling out of the bed and getting to me. *shivers

I found this good Mexican restaurant last night that actually had tortilla soup. I was dying to try it, except when it came time to order, all I ordered were sonoran tacos and I forgot to order the tortilla soup. I know! Stupid right! So now I have this yearning to go back and try the tortilla soup. The guacuamole and salsa there were also really good! YUM! Good food always gives me fond memories! :)

***********************

I started this blog entry in the morning and got so busy I couldn't finish it until the afternoon. BIG NEWS!!!! So you know my HS friend that lives in your neck of the woods?? Well, south of you, and I always stay there when I come visit you? He just texted me and told me that he got MARRIED!!! Isn't that CRAZY?? I'm baffled!! I can't believe he got married BEFORE me!! OMG, now I really feel super behind!

Ok, I have a ton of things to do before work ends, I'll catch up with you later!

BTW, it's CONFIRMED, I have MORE itchy patches. This morning, I wasn't so sure, but after brewing for a whole day, it's CONFIRMED, I have TWO NEW ones, one on each hand and ONE BIG one of my leg. GREAT. I've got to do something about these bugs!!

Brother's Keeper

Last night was another Benadryl night. I find myself sleeping  a lot better with Benadryl. I sleep for longer, don't wake up in the middle of the night and feel more well rested in the morning. OH no...tis this becoming an addiction? I do have that addictive personality. It wouldn't be the first time I got addicted to medication. Well, good thing I bought a small pack of Benadryl, it's almost out actually because I've been taking double the dosage, so I'll just stop after the pack of meds runs out. That's a good plan. And I'll be too lazy to go to the store to get more...yes, good plan.

Before I drugged myself with Benadryl last night, I started to watch Brother's Keeper. OMG, it's like a million times better than Triumph in the Skies II. The excitment, the storyline, the acting, the characters, everything was BETTER! Triumph in the Skies II really over did it, their characters and storylines were so bland, I felt like they either tried too hard or didn't try at all. You know how sometimes when you have too much pressure and you try too hard, you end up doing really bad? Like that. Either that or they know Triumph in the Skies I did so well, that there will automatically be a lot of viewers for the second chapter of the series, so they just didn't try at all. I don't know what the problem is, but it was terrible. I skipped through most of it, to be honest, there were only like two storylines that I was interested in. The rest was terrible. Brother's Keeper on the other hand, I only got up to the third episode, but I've been watching the WHOLE thing. I haven't skipped through anything at all! You were right, there is a little bit of HK history there, I'm learning stuff about HK at the same time! :) The storyline is really interesting, I want to keep watching to find out what happens and why the older brother turned out the way he did. I would have watched more, but Benadryl was kicking in and I still wanted some time to read. Yes, I read now. I'm so proud :)

So like I said, I'm reading The Solitude of Prime Numbers. It also has a really interesting storyline. I want to keep reading to find out what happens to the characters. The chapters are also very short so you feel like you are reading really fast and getting through the book in a timely fashion. I like books like that. Chapters that are too long make me feel like I'm never going to finish and it's dragging on. I think it's because I'm a slow reader. So I base my reading pace on how many chapters I get through. If there are short chapters, I get through many chapters, then I feel like I'm reading really fast. But if it's LONG chapters and I'm reading forever and still haven't finished one chapter then it just discourages me to read. I try not to stop reading until I get through a whole chapter, so even if I get really tired, I try to power through and finish the chapter before I stop reading. That sometimes, can make me skim or lose interest in the book because I'm forcing myself to finish. But I totally don't have this problem with this book. Yay!

So because I've been drugging myself with Benadryl each night, I actually haven't talked to my BF in a few nights now. I bet he's super happy. I feel like when he calls me, he calls me because he feels like he's obligated to do so. If he doesn't call me, then he feels bad or something. When we talk, he just spaces out and does something else, he's not even part of the conversation. One time, I confronted/joked around with him about it.

Me: Do you just clock in at work and then space out?
BF: No.
Me: Then why do you do that with me when you call me? You call, I pick up, you "clock in" and then space out and let me do the rest of the talking
BF: O_O hahah, that was good, very witty
Me: Really?? I thought so too! :)

There is so much truth in that statement though. Even though our conversations can last hours, I feel like it's just me talking the whole time. So that's why I made a decision.

Me: you don't have to call me everyday, in fact, why don't you not call me until I come up to visit you in March
BF: why?
Me: that way, you might actually miss me and not dispise conversations with me
BF: I don't dispise conversations with you
Me: really? is that why you space out and do other things while I just talk to myself?
BF: eh..........
Me: you are pausing, that means you are doing something else right now! You can't multitask and everytime you are doing something else while you are talking to me, I can tell! Because you don't respond as quickly and you hesitate!
BF: ehh......hold on, let me just finish this email
Me: *angry

Since that didn't work and he still calls me, I just either don't pick up his call (well, lately it's because of the Benadryl) or I leave the conversations short. Like no more than 20mins. It kinda surprises him.

Me: hello
BF: hi
Me: how's it going?
BF: ok
Me: alright, I'm going to let you go now, bye
BF: wait, what? That's it? You have nothing else to say?
Me: I'm trying to keep our conversations short.
BF: oh....um..well, you don't have to do that
Me: I'm assuming it'll keep our conversations more interesting
BF: um......so today at work, I......*keeps trailing on about work story

It sort of works because then he starts to voluntarily talk and fill in the void. And by the time he's done with his story, it's been a few mins and I hang up. So it's not too long, he talks and we are all happy.

I thought I'd feel really disconnected from him since I haven't talked to him in a while, but I really am ok with it. Maybe because I'm more obsessed with my itchy patches right now than anything else in my life. Let me think...yes, it's true. I haven't spent like any time on anything else aside from tending to my swollen, painful, red itchy patches. I keep having these nightmares that I got MORE itchy patches. That these bugs crawl on me in the middle of the night and feast on me like I'm some sort of live feeding ground. *shivers I try not to think about it because when I do, it makes me itchy all over my body. And I get really paranoid before I crawl into bed because I'm scared that all these bugs are on my bed. *shivers

I think we are overdue for hanging out together. I can't wait until you get better and I can either come to you or you can come to me and we can hang out again. We don't even need to do very much, I like lounging around :)

Sleepy Weekend

It's Monday, start of another work week.

I've been sleeping a ton this weekend since I've been on Benadryl. I wasn't getting any better, so I doubled my dosage, from one pill to two. I don't know if it's just all psychological but I didn't actually feel that sleepy but I was convincing myself that I'm sleeping so I ended up napping the whole day yesterday and then going to bed at like 8pm last night. It's pretty amazing how much I slept. You would think the more sleep you get, the more well rested you are, but there are studies that say you are actually MORE tired if you over sleep. I think if you sleep more than 10hrs or something then you actually get EVEN more TIRED. I only woke up for meals yesterday. I'd eat for an hour or two and then sleep again. I felt like a fat lazy baby. But it was nice to just lounge around and not have anyone bother me. When I say bother me, I'm referring to my family, bothering me about getting married and etc etc. And it was nice I didn't have any errands to run, I did them all Saturday :)

My eye is no longer swollen shut, which is good, because it would have been very embarrassing to give exams with one eye patched, looking like a pirate. The swelling in my hand also went down, my hand looked like "pig's feet" yesterday. It was really bad. And my foot never swelled that much but it was VERY itchy, but that's even died down, so all in all, I think those itchy patches are finally starting to get better. And it only took a whole weekend of overdosing Benadryl, constant sleeping and a lot of steroid ointment to get me back to feeling/looking semi-normal.

I feel pretty good about today because I have my same schedule back! Nine patients today! That's all! I've been seeing 11-12 patients each day for the past two or more weeks! At first I really thought it was because the rush of all the winter visitors here, but then I realized I think it's because I'm making up for the two days I'm going to take off in March to visit my BF. Every time I take days off, I have to cancel those patients for those days. So for example, if there were 10 patients scheduled on a day I want to take off, I have to somehow fit those patients back into my schedule elsewhere. So I've been killing myself lately, overbooking my schedule, trying to see all these patients that were suppose to be seen from those two days in March.

I can't wait until my students come in May! Everyone is telling me to lower my expectations because depending on your luck of the draw, sometimes you can get really bad students that are SLOW and everything they do is WRONG and it might cause even more stress and back up the clinic even more! And when the students come, I'm going to have focus more on didactics. So that's just one more thing I have to focus on and add to my already growing list of things I have to do for my job. But at least, I won't have to constantly be seeing patients when the students come. At least, I'll have some time to myself to focus on admin things while the students are with the patients.

Thank you for comforting me and telling me not to feel guilty. I can't believe in a time like this, you have to comfort me. It should really be the other way around. That's how I feel like our relationship is. You are always so strong and you always help me feel better even though in this case, I should really be helping you feel better. You really are amazing.

I can understand what you mean about being scared to go home and not having 24hr care anymore. I know we have talked about it before, where we both doesn't really like change. It's hard to get used to change. You've been in that room for such a long time and got used to that schedule and standard of care, and now you are going home and you don't know what to expect at home. You don't know whose going to be around to help you and it's hard. I completely understand. It's like rocking the boat when you were steadily gliding down stream already. But with everything in life, it's just hard in the beginning. Once you get into a groove of things, it'll be like routine again. And I bet you are going to be way more comfortable at home anyways. The comforts of home will always be better than whatever the hospital can provide. You will be in your own clothes, your own bed, your own sheets, your own room. It's all yours. I'm sure with time, you'll re-adjust to being back at home and your anxiety about leaving the hospital will be eased.

I finally finished reading Wildwood, book 2. It was very uneventful, just like Lord of the Rings, 2nd movie, just a bridge between the first and second movies. OMG, I have a feeling I've blogged about this already. Well, anyway, I started to read another book. The Solitude of Prime Numbers? Wait, let me google it and see if I can find the actual title. Oh wait, that is the actual name. Sweet, I got it right. So yeah, it's pretty good so far. If I didn't drug overdose on Benadryl, I probably could have stayed awake long enough to read more of it. I'll let you know how it goes. It's been an interesting few first chapters so far. Oh! My BF bought the last Wildwood book!! And it's autographed! Can't wait to finish this series! :)  Look at me...I'm all excited about reading...wow, I have changed.... *proud of myself   I'm reading so much that I don't even keep track of how many books I read each year anymore. Which, before, if you remember, it's like an average of 1 book a year. So meaning some years I'd read like NO  BOOKs lol.  Well to be far to myself, it was probably like I was reading a book but I just didn't to finish it, even though, it's been a whole year. LoL.

I used to think that I'm a really fast typer, but then everyone else caught up with me and I'm all slow now. I think I was pretty fast at one point in my life, but now that everyone's all into computers and everything and pretty much everyone has to type, it's kind of the normal to be a fast typer now. And as a result, because I can't spell very well, I always stumble on words and therefore, it slows down my typing. Just a random thing I've noticed, since it seems like it always takes me FOREVER to blog and it's always sprinkled with typos.

I didn't know what to get my BF this Vday, it's going to be the first Vday we spend together as a real couple! I found a really cute Dora Vday card, that I'm pretty sure is for little kids, because it comes with stickers, but I'm sending him that. LoL. He likes Dora and the stickers are cute. I wonder if he'll actually use them on anything...lol. Probably not. Or maybe...sometimes he can be surprising. LoL. So I found this really funny picture online where there is this girl saying something to her bf "You don't have to get me anything for Valentine's Day" and then the next picture is some Star Wars character saying "It's a TRAP!" It's so funny! So I keep telling my BF he doesn't have to get me anything and now he doesn't believe me and keeps thinking it's a trap lol. I just told him on gchat recently "You don't have to get me anything, it's seriously NOT a TRAP!" and he responded with "No, it's just a double trap!"  Who knew a funny picture would make him so paranoid. LoL.

I'm really looking forward to this three day weekend. I know it's probably not the best way to start the week, by looking forward to a long weekend, but I think it's the only thing getting me by right now. I'm getting so burned out giving so many exams. This weekend will be a nice break! :)

Itchy Patches

I just saw your thoughtful, touching, thank you note on facebook. I feel like I don't really deserve your thank you. I didn't really do anything for you during this time at all. I wasn't there for you, physically, mentally, or emotionally. I wasn't able to reach you on the phone, text, email or anything. I wasn't super good about keeping my promise to blog so you have something to read. I am very touched that you added me to your thank you note but I also feel guilty that I wasn't able to do more to support you, given our distance apart. I am really glad that you are finally leaving the hospital and is released from your prison. Freedom feels good doesn't it? I know time is probably passing by so slowly for you right now, it always does during trialing times, but you have made the first step towards your recovery! The worst is over now and things like slowly but surely get better from here. I'm really proud of you for all that you have endured. Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I don't know if I would be strong enough to go through what you are going through. I'm a total weakling. You really are my hero, my inspiration, and most of all, I'm proudest to call you my friend. I'm thankful to know someone as strong as you. I can't speak for everyone else, but I'm sure most, if not all, of your other friends feel the same way. So instead of your sending me that thank you facebook note, I should be sending you one! I don't really know how to send those facebook notes, so blogging will be my way to thank you. haha.

I'm really glad I'm starting to hear from you more. I was getting extremely worried about you when you were responding to me. I would just try to test the waters by texting you, calling, maybe some emails, and when I didn't hear back from you, I knew you were probably really tired and needed rest. I tried not to bug you too much because I know you probably would feel bad if I tried really hard to contact you and you didn't respond back to me. I knew you would contact me when you were feeling better, but I still couldn't help but worry about you since I didn't know how you were doing.

I'm sorry I've been slacking in sending you stuff, but work and family and new years has been crazy. I finally found time this weekend to send you something. I found something else to send you too, but it'll probably have to wait AGAIN until I have time to send it again. Haha. I really should just buy a bunch of stamps because most of the time, I just need a stamp and I can send you stuff. One of these days, I'll get there, I'll get a book of stamps and I'll be able to send you stuff without being confined to sending you things during Post Office working hours (which happen to be the same as my working hours). Except Saturday, which is nice, gives me ONE day of opportunity to send things.

Sorry it's been a while since I've blogged. I've been really swamped at work, to the point that sometimes I've broken down during an exam or during the course of my morning. I get so stressed out sometimes with my highly overbooked schedule that I feel really overwhelmed. And when I get to a point that I feel like there are just too many patients for me to see and I'm falling really behind, that's when I start to panic and break down. I've only done it a few times, luckily, but for the most part I've been able to hold it together most of the time. After work I usually just collapse in exhaustion so I haven't really had the mind set to even think about doing anything else aside from just mindless watching TV on the couch and fall asleep.

As of recent, you've seen my itchy patches. I have that one around my eye, which was almost swollen shut, then I have another itchy patch on my hand, that has now hardened and also started to massively swell, and now I found another itchy patch on my foot. I wake up several times a night itching so badly. It's gotten so bad that even burning the itchy patches with a hot spoon has only been a temporary solution. Under the suggestion of my friend, John, he recommended taking some Benadryl which makes me very drowsy. The Benadryl has helped decrease the swelling around my eye, but my hand is still very swollen and painful. He thinks I have cellulitis and recommends an oral antibiotic. I don't know, I'm going to wait it out, and if I still don't improve maybe I'll consider taking one. Don't you remember that really bad itchy patch I got in HK where it spread through my entire thigh? If I survived through that, I should be able to get through this too...hopefully *fingers crossed*

This is the first weekend since the last THREE weekends that I got to spend here and didn't have to drive back home. I'm really thankful for that. I like going home, but sometimes it's nice to have a break from long distance driving and from my family. I try to not let them get to me, but it's so hard to have them on your back all the time about getting married and telling me how much they love my BF and how they want grandkids. It's all things I want to give to them, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't help when they constantly push and inquire about it, when it's not really up to me to decide. It's kind of a TWO person decision and at this point in the relationship, it's more of my BF's decision of when he wants to purpose and get the ball rolling. It's really frustrating to know that they have all these high expectations for us and how I'm not even sure I'll be able to fulfill these expectations. Given our dating track record I'm honestly even surprised we've stayed together this long without breaking up somewhere in between! I mean, aren't you? You know about our dating record. Isn't is surprising we are still together? I am not sure, but I think most of it might be due to the fact that we are long distance. We rarely see each other and even when we do see each other it's for a short time period, so there's not really any time to fight or not get along.

Speaking about my BF, it's snowing up there. It's pretty heavy snow too. My BF told me that it's so dangerous right now because apparently no one plows the roads up there and everyone's been skidding a lot. My BF told me that he actually was driving home and approached this one intersection and couldn't stop at the stop sign because his tires had no traction, so he just skid into the intersection. There were cars coming but luckily it was a slow intersection and the cars were driving slowly or else they would have hit him and he could have been in an accident. It started snowing on Thursday and he was telling me he wanted to go to work on Friday. I was so worried about him, driving in such bad conditions. I spent so much time trying to convince him to stay home, because technically he can work from home. I was really happy when he told me he stayed home on Friday and didn't risk his life to go to work. See what I mean about being over dedicated to his job? I bet if it was snowing and I lived close to him, he wouldn't risk his life to drive over and see me. But of course, he'd risk his life to drive to work. *rolls eyes*

He sent me pictures of Max (the dog) and Aly (the reindeer) sitting on his balcony watching the snow. They look so cute and peaceful. Looks like they were really enjoying the snow. I know you don't agree to our obsession with our stuffed animal beanie BOOs but I thought I'd just share it with you anyway. Haha. OMG, I just got a flashback of you hanging Kurtis by the neck from my bathroom in LA. -_- Bad memories.

I really can't wait for the three day weekend coming up! It's going to be so nice to have more days off. I never feel like two days is enough anymore just because I get so overworked during the week. I get so tired I want to just sleep and sleep and rest and sleep some more. I haven't been able to do that recently because my itchy patches always wake me up in the middle of the night. My Benadryl is helping me sleep more but I'm still not back to my fully functioning self. I can't wait until these itchy patches go away! I hope they don't leave scars! So far every itchy patch I've had here has left a SCAR on my body! I don't know if it's just because I'm getting older and therefore I don't heal as well or if the bugs here are more DEADLY and leave more toxic itchy patches that scar, but either way, I really hope the one on my face doesn't scar! OMG, that would be terrible! It's nice that my glasses cover most of the itchy patch and if it scarred, it would cover most of the scar but still, I'd prefer to not scar. Please. *crosses fingers*

I'd update more but I'm incredibly drowsy right now, not sure if I'm even making sense. I'm glad you are being discharged and on your road to recovery! I look forward to hearing from you more! Love you!

Going Crazy...

Happy Chinese New Year!

I know you have probably been really really tired since you haven't responded to my calls or texts. I have gotten really worried about you but good thing Candice has updated me and says you are still ALIVE but just really tired. I don't know if you even have energy to keep up with reading my blog, but I'll keep this updated so you can read it when you have time and regain some energy back.

I know I'm starting a new week this week and I should have had a break this weekend but I really feel like I've been continually working since last week. I moonlighted at a private practice this past Saturday so I didn't get Saturday off. Then on Sunday I had to drive around and visit so much family because of the New Years, so I didn't feel like I got any time off Sunday. I was so tired on my drive back on Sunday I really felt like I was going to fall asleep driving and run myself of the road. I nodded off so many times. I was singing, dancing, slapping, and pinching myself. Anything I could do to stay awake, I was doing it. I'm so thankful I made it back alive. I had my doubts, but I'm glad I made it back.

I didn't realize this but I guess John, the doctor here, has set this expectation that we would eat dinner together on Sundays when I return. I mean, I guess the past few weeks, that has been the case, I get back, we get together and have dinner together. But yesterday, since I was so tired, I just showered, and waited for my body to dry by watching some TV, but I couldn't even stay awake long enough to let my body dry because I fell asleep watching TV. I didn't text/call John last night and today, he told me that he had actually been waiting all night for me to call him for dinner. He ended up falling asleep and missing dinner last night! I felt so bad!! I really do want to make it up to him somehow! But he never lets me pay for dinner, so I have just been buying him fruits and certain foods. Maybe I'll do the same thing time around too.

The private practice I worked at was really chill. The receptionist there is actually my brother's age. So young! It was a slow day because of the superbowl, so I got to chat with her quite a bit. It was nice getting to connect with younger people. Considering all my friends here are >40yrs old and everyone has kids and families. Not to mention, my patient population here is >80 yrs old, so what this all means is, I only talk to older people now, I don't really have anyone young to talk to or hang out with. So that was a nice change of pace.

I dont' know why but I felt so full on Sunday. I had this really big breakfast with my family because it's the "start of the new year meal" so there was a ton of food! I, of course, gorged on everything. I was so FULL by the time we were done with breakfast and then my brother decides to make lemon meringue pie. And then I ate some of that. Then I went to visit family which everyone we visited gave us all this candy and food. And we HAVE to eat it because it's new year's and it's offered by family and it's suppose to be good luck. Then what felt like almost immediately after breakfast, we had to eat lunch. We went out to this Pho place. I wasn't even hungry but I ended up sharing Pho and a rice plate with my brother. I felt so stuffed! And then afterwards we ate cream puffs at my cousin's place. Ugh. I was so full I didn't even feel like I needed to eat dinner. I guess that's why I partly didn't call John because food wasn't even on my mind at that time.

I had many conversations with my BF this week where I felt like it was going to end with us breaking up. I think it's all the pressure my family is putting on me to get married is driving me up the wall. I want everyone to just get off my back about marriage and let me figure out this whole thing on my own. My BF is great but I think I'm still harboring so many resentful feelings towards him since he's hurt me so many times. I'm just starting to heal and now everyone is pushing me towards getting married already. It's really too much for me to handle, mentally, sometimes. I always talk to my BF about it and we always end up fighting about it. I think my BF takes it offensively that I get upset when people want us to get married and it also means that I don't trust him because I don't have faith that we are going to get married or something. And then I get all angry/upset with my family when they even bring up my BF's name now. I want to just shread them apart when they mention him to me. I always have to try to take a deep breath and don't punch the wall out of frustration. I broke down THREE times this weekend because of this issue. I'm afraid I'm spiralling into depression or some weird mentally insane state now. I don't know why "marriage" with my BF is causing so much mental anxiety and anguish. Isn't it suppose to be a happy topic? Why is it causing me so much pain?? Is that a bad sign?? I don't want to think about it anymore. Even as I think about it now, even as I recall how fondly my mom and grandmas and aunts all talk about my BF, it drives me up the wall and makes me want to snap something in half. Maybe I should seek some mental health. I'm not a specialist in this area, but I'm pretty sure this is not normal.

Let's change the topic. I finally finished reading that children's novel, Wildwood, that my BF and I have been reading together. He reads it first and then hands it off to me. We just finished reading the second installment. There's THREE total like Lord of the Rings. And like Lord of the Rings, the second one is very boring and just a bridge to tie the first and the third book together. It was very disappointing. Most of it felt like it was just fluff. I'm sure it's just setting the storyline up for part III. There just wasn't much action. And when there was finally some action, the book ended. Ugh. Now we have to wait for the third book to come out. See, this is why I don't read! LoL. That's my excuse anyway. LoL.

My childhood friend, "Sammy", is going to give birth soon! So exciting! Baby's due in March!!

I really miss you. Take care! We'll catch up when you recover! *BIG HUGS*