Happy Chinese New Year!
I know you have probably been really really tired since you haven't responded to my calls or texts. I have gotten really worried about you but good thing Candice has updated me and says you are still ALIVE but just really tired. I don't know if you even have energy to keep up with reading my blog, but I'll keep this updated so you can read it when you have time and regain some energy back.
I know I'm starting a new week this week and I should have had a break this weekend but I really feel like I've been continually working since last week. I moonlighted at a private practice this past Saturday so I didn't get Saturday off. Then on Sunday I had to drive around and visit so much family because of the New Years, so I didn't feel like I got any time off Sunday. I was so tired on my drive back on Sunday I really felt like I was going to fall asleep driving and run myself of the road. I nodded off so many times. I was singing, dancing, slapping, and pinching myself. Anything I could do to stay awake, I was doing it. I'm so thankful I made it back alive. I had my doubts, but I'm glad I made it back.
I didn't realize this but I guess John, the doctor here, has set this expectation that we would eat dinner together on Sundays when I return. I mean, I guess the past few weeks, that has been the case, I get back, we get together and have dinner together. But yesterday, since I was so tired, I just showered, and waited for my body to dry by watching some TV, but I couldn't even stay awake long enough to let my body dry because I fell asleep watching TV. I didn't text/call John last night and today, he told me that he had actually been waiting all night for me to call him for dinner. He ended up falling asleep and missing dinner last night! I felt so bad!! I really do want to make it up to him somehow! But he never lets me pay for dinner, so I have just been buying him fruits and certain foods. Maybe I'll do the same thing time around too.
The private practice I worked at was really chill. The receptionist there is actually my brother's age. So young! It was a slow day because of the superbowl, so I got to chat with her quite a bit. It was nice getting to connect with younger people. Considering all my friends here are >40yrs old and everyone has kids and families. Not to mention, my patient population here is >80 yrs old, so what this all means is, I only talk to older people now, I don't really have anyone young to talk to or hang out with. So that was a nice change of pace.
I dont' know why but I felt so full on Sunday. I had this really big breakfast with my family because it's the "start of the new year meal" so there was a ton of food! I, of course, gorged on everything. I was so FULL by the time we were done with breakfast and then my brother decides to make lemon meringue pie. And then I ate some of that. Then I went to visit family which everyone we visited gave us all this candy and food. And we HAVE to eat it because it's new year's and it's offered by family and it's suppose to be good luck. Then what felt like almost immediately after breakfast, we had to eat lunch. We went out to this Pho place. I wasn't even hungry but I ended up sharing Pho and a rice plate with my brother. I felt so stuffed! And then afterwards we ate cream puffs at my cousin's place. Ugh. I was so full I didn't even feel like I needed to eat dinner. I guess that's why I partly didn't call John because food wasn't even on my mind at that time.
I had many conversations with my BF this week where I felt like it was going to end with us breaking up. I think it's all the pressure my family is putting on me to get married is driving me up the wall. I want everyone to just get off my back about marriage and let me figure out this whole thing on my own. My BF is great but I think I'm still harboring so many resentful feelings towards him since he's hurt me so many times. I'm just starting to heal and now everyone is pushing me towards getting married already. It's really too much for me to handle, mentally, sometimes. I always talk to my BF about it and we always end up fighting about it. I think my BF takes it offensively that I get upset when people want us to get married and it also means that I don't trust him because I don't have faith that we are going to get married or something. And then I get all angry/upset with my family when they even bring up my BF's name now. I want to just shread them apart when they mention him to me. I always have to try to take a deep breath and don't punch the wall out of frustration. I broke down THREE times this weekend because of this issue. I'm afraid I'm spiralling into depression or some weird mentally insane state now. I don't know why "marriage" with my BF is causing so much mental anxiety and anguish. Isn't it suppose to be a happy topic? Why is it causing me so much pain?? Is that a bad sign?? I don't want to think about it anymore. Even as I think about it now, even as I recall how fondly my mom and grandmas and aunts all talk about my BF, it drives me up the wall and makes me want to snap something in half. Maybe I should seek some mental health. I'm not a specialist in this area, but I'm pretty sure this is not normal.
Let's change the topic. I finally finished reading that children's novel, Wildwood, that my BF and I have been reading together. He reads it first and then hands it off to me. We just finished reading the second installment. There's THREE total like Lord of the Rings. And like Lord of the Rings, the second one is very boring and just a bridge to tie the first and the third book together. It was very disappointing. Most of it felt like it was just fluff. I'm sure it's just setting the storyline up for part III. There just wasn't much action. And when there was finally some action, the book ended. Ugh. Now we have to wait for the third book to come out. See, this is why I don't read! LoL. That's my excuse anyway. LoL.
My childhood friend, "Sammy", is going to give birth soon! So exciting! Baby's due in March!!
I really miss you. Take care! We'll catch up when you recover! *BIG HUGS*
No comments:
Post a Comment